


At World's End

by TAEBINIEST, TyunnieBFF



Category: TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Altered Mental States, Alternate Universe - Zombie Apocalypse, Amputation, Angst, Best Friends Huening Kai & Kang Taehyun, Blood, Blood and Gore, Blood and Injury, Broken Families, Broken Promises, Brotherhood, Brotherly Affection, Brotherly Angst, Brotherly Love, Brothers, Character Death, Character Death(s), Child Death, Choi Beomgyu-Centric, Choi Soobin-Centric, Choi Yeonjun-Centric, Cuz we're here to c r y, Dealing With Loss, Death, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Manipulation, Family Loss, Feelings, Feelings based zombie Au, Fights, Gen, Gun Violence, Huening Kai-Centric, Hurt, Hurt Choi Soobin, Hurt Huening Kai, Idols, Kang Taehyun-Centric, Like seriously there aren't that many zombies in this story?, Major Character Injury, Memories, Mental Anguish, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Minor Violence, Moving On, OT5, Pain, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Trauma, Reconciliation, Sad, Stabbing, Survival, Tragic Taejun, Trauma, Traumatized Choi Beomgyu, Tyunning suffers, Zombie Apocalypse, Zombies, broken txt, burial, canon Yeonbin, over their pain, slight romance, sob sob sob, tissues are needed when reading this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:07:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 52,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22612264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TAEBINIEST/pseuds/TAEBINIEST, https://archiveofourown.org/users/TyunnieBFF/pseuds/TyunnieBFF
Summary: When TXT finally achieved their dream to debut suddenly falls to crumble when Seoul receives dangerous virus blast that kills the infected host and re-animated into a hungry flesh-eating monster. The story center on the five boys who were idols is now striving to survive from the apocalypse, would they stay be together to the very end?-!!TXT Zombie apocalypse AU!!Inspired by a comic on twt by @TAEBINIEST
Relationships: Choi Beomgyu & Choi Yeonjun, Choi Beomgyu & Everyone, Choi Soobin & Everyone, Choi Soobin & Huening Kai, Choi Soobin & Kang Taehyun, Choi Yeonjun & Everyone, Huening Kai & Everyone, Huening Kai & Kang Taehyun, Kang Taehyun & Everyone
Comments: 95
Kudos: 378





	1. After the Outbreak

It was surreal and Taehyun thinks there is no horrid tragedy in the world that could compare to what’s happening now. Shaggy breaths and the neverending rush of fear, he slumps down in his seat with fingers gripping onto the wheel so tight it might break into bits.

A month, that was how long it took for the deadly virus to spread throughout the globe, forcing all forms of life into extinction.

An annihilation of all living things.

Never in his whole 17 years of living would think it would come to this, from years of training to be qualifying of standing on a stage, dancing and singing out his heart to learning how to crush a skull with makeshift blades and sports equipment scavenged from abandoned buildings now void of life, every turn is a new pile of dead bodies scattered around like forgotten old dolls.

From endless days of dance practice that endless had him gasping for his breath to running and hiding, heart constantly on alert with fear for his life.

The time he spent restless wondering if he could ever debut turn into times he wondered in horror if they were going to survive this apocalypse, if they were ever going to see their families and friends again whom they have no way of contacting or ensuring are alive.

Communication went down a week after the outbreak, main cities are crawling with the undead.

They called it zombies, the virus kills its host and later manipulates the body into becoming a lifeless humanoid creature, the virus spreads by affecting others through bites and blood transfusion.

Thankfully for them, they were in the outskirts of Seoul filming content when it reached South Korea.

They were under lockdown in a supposedly secured building, but somehow someone got affected and it was all out chaos since then, the staffs didn't make it and neither did their managers.

The boys were lucky to escape, and had been doing what they can to survive.

Before communications were completely cut off, there were news going around saying there’s a survivors camp in Busan.

Once the boys found a safe place to be a temporary base, the five boys strategized a simple plan.

Find a vehicle they could hijack, get or make weapons, gather supplies like food, clean water and gas and lastly head for Busan.

Simple right? Not really.

Taehyun holds his breath, his hands gripping the steering wheel ever so tightly, eyes scanning the area every few seconds as he waits for the hyung line to come back.

Hueningkai is in the backseat, the bat tainted with red never loosening in his grip.

Never off guard.

They were at an abandoned row of shops, the hyungs went inside to grab stuff while he and Hueningkai keep guard. Its been a little while yet the elder ones has yet to show themselves.

 _“Coast is still clear?”_ A buzz from Soobin calls out from a walkie talkie they found just a few days ago.

 _“_ _Positive”_ Hueningkai answers the hyung. It was weird, seeing the usually bright maknae so serious and toughen up.

Hueningkai had always been on the strong side of the team, with his strength he easily bashes heads and bodies of those zombies.

It was sad, how a tragedy like this had changed their innocent cute maknae.

Taehyun turns to secure the area again, he has a bitter feeling in his gut “Kai….” His fear is confirmed when he sees an odd movement at one of the shop doors.

A head of rotten human flesh, eyeballs blank and lips dripping with blood peeks out.

 _“Shit hyungs! Get OUT OF THERE!!”_ but they couldn’t possibly reach the car without running into a small herd of zombies, thank god all the windows are tinted.

If there was one thing they found out about these creatures is that as long as they don’t see you, you’re safe.

Taehyun watches as they pile into the shops, a rush of fear consuming him “I’m gonna go help-” but Taehyun grab his hand before he could make another move.

“NO! You can’t! There’s too many of them!” the 2nd youngest is at the brink of tears, what if Hyuka goes and get turned?

What if he’s left all alone?!

“But hyungs are out there!” Hueningkai argues, in the heat of the moment they saw the zombies going ballistic, suddenly all of them are sprinting towards one direction.

The direction where both boys could see, Yeonjun and Beomgyu are running.

“YEONJUN HYUNG!! BEOMGYU HYUNG!!” they screamed with all their lungs, hearts thumping wildly.

The two are fast enough to keep a distant, but for how long? They were directing the zombies away from the car.

Hueningkai shoves Taehyun back to the driver seat and is about to get out when Soobin sprint by, he threw the car door open and gets in with a bag full of tins and bottles.

“DRIVE!”

Obviously, some of those undead saw him and are now rushing towards them, “But Yeon-” Taehyun’s voice wavers, they can’t just leave them.

“DRIVE TAEHYUN!!” And his feet steps on the pedal by the voice.

Eyes trailing down tears while holding in his choked sobs, his hands tremble with an intensity as they drive away to lose the Zombies.

They arrive at their base a little later, it was an abandoned house, they had locked up every possible entrance.

When they are finally behind closed doors, Taehyun launches into Soobin’s arms in a sobbing mess, yelling and screaming how could they just abandoned Beomgyu and Yeonjun.

Soobin didn’t say a word, it was clear the leader too is guilty for it, and he hates himself more than anything for letting it happened.

But he remembers Yeonjun and Beomgyu’s words before he took off with Beomgyu.

_“Keep them safe, I’ll be back, I’ll find my way back, I promise! Just keep them safe!”_

_“I’ll make sure hyung doesn’t die on us! Soobin hyung, we’re counting on you!”_

And Soobin figures, against all odds they’re facing right now. He’ll hang on to those words.

He cradles Taehyun’s shaking figure and hugs him tightly. Hueningkai sat on the floor, face in his hands as faint sobs escape the younger.

Soobin moves to gather him into his arms as well, the three of them sat in that messed up living room where all furniture is used to seal away the doors and windows.

Huddled up together wondering when will this nightmare ends.


	2. The Bite

Taehyun has always find how human nature can basically adapt to almost anything when demanded very interesting, how someone could change with how the world changes around them.

It used to be very mild and small, you can barely tell someone has changed because it comes ever so naturally.

But now, as they struggle for survival, Taehyun could truly see what that had meant.

He sees it in the boys he likes to believe he grew up with, all turning into characters he never thought he'll ever associate them with.

If Soobin was considered as a gentle giant before, full of cuteness yet a firm leadership with his charms.

He is now a quiet soldier, soul littered with scars physically and mentally, the softness had long turn rough from carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders.

There were no more laughter, just fear, worry, more fear and dread. He became a leader that would move mountains and slash down herds of zombies if it meant Hyuka and Taehyun would be safe.

He could only ever think of their survival, spending days planning and strategizing their escape to Busan.

Perhaps the one thing that never changed about him was his will to protect those he loves.

Hueningkai, the cute, adorable and most lovely maknae.

The one who would pout till the hyungs give in, gives them belly rubs, sneak into their beds and does aegyo like its his second nature.

Now, the maknae finds himself washing blood off his body, helping Soobin scavenge for supplies, spending days making various weapons instead of melodies with what scarps he could find.

He became so strong, Hueningkai is very capable of protecting himself. His experiences in this horror path shaped him into the reliable and capable person in such little time.

Anything he grabs can be a weapon, and he is more agile than ever. But Hueningkai grew colder, it was as if the bright youthful life was sucked out of him.

No more cracking jokes no more cute smiles, only a somber look.

Taehyun wasn’t sure if he remembered the last time he saw Hyuka’s adorable smile.

But then again, amongst the dead bodies and struggles to survive, what is there to smile about?

Unfortunately, this theory seems to not apply to himself. Taehyun hadn’t grown like the other two. He was still his petite, weak self.

He could not wield a weapon like Hyuka, he's not as strong as them and Taehyun believes he's more of a burden than anything.

Soobin mostly puts him in charge of driving, but even Hyuka can drive now.

Taehyun feels powerless and most of all useless, the other two had to constantly make sure he wasn’t getting himself killed or bitten.

God, why is he so pathetic?

Gone was the composed and calm Kang Taehyun that everyone knows, every sound made him flinch, every movement made him do a double take, he was far jumpier than Soobin ever was before.

He’s become crier too, its amazing how his tears never run out no matter how long or hard he cried.

And no matter how much he practiced; he could never swing a bat like Hueningkai.

“Will you really be alright?” Soobin asks him, they nearly have enough supplies but Yeonjun and Beomgyu has yet to return, Soobin tires to assure them that those two are definitely still out there somewhere.

They have to be.

But as days turn to weeks, it was getting harder to believe that, harder but that didn't stop them from their wishful thinking.

Taehyun clutches the hockey stick with a knife taped at its bottom end, he gives the leader a nod.

Splitting up is far from their best idea at the moment, but the mall is huge and it is VERY quiet.

They need to cover a lot of ground as quickly as they could, so the three splits in three different paths but not too far from each other.

Taehyun cheers a little in the inside when he found a clothing store, they’ve been wearing the same thing for months!

He goes around grabbing whatever piece of clean clothes he could find, so glad to finally get out of bloody, worn out clothing, not realizing he’s making a big mistake of not paying attention to his surroundings.

By luck he missed the first zombie trying to bite him, in instant panic Taehyun swung the hickey stick and send the zombie flying a few feet away.

 _‘Run! RUN DAMMIT!’_ the absolute shock of nearly getting bitten on the shoulder cause him to freeze up after the swing, seconds before his brain could finally tell his legs to start moving and get the hell outta there another zombie, that came crawling out from the floor and managed to grab his leg and—

Soobin’s heart stopped when Taehyun’s blood curdling screams echoes the mall’s walls.

“TAEHYUN?!?!” with his heart beating with fear he races at the sound seeing Hueningkai already in the lead.

His heart drumming so hard, the leader held his breath in horror, already regretting that they actually split up.

They found the store and saw 3 zombies trying to claw open a semi see-through wardrobe where they could hear Taehyun screaming for help.

His protective leader instinct kicks in and slash one of the two zombies with his makeshift scythe in an instant while Hueningkai batted the other two.

He pries open the door to find his baby trembling and in tears.

“Shhh…..shhhh…it’s okay…it’s okay I got you….I got you Hyunnie” Soobin embraces the boy, picks him up along with Taehyun’s small bag of clothing.

Relief washing over him seeing that the boy is unharmed.

Taehyun clings to his leader, fear-stricken sobs pouring out “Hy-Hyung I’m scared…I’m so scared” his voice choking out each decibel. 

Soobin takes a few seconds to calm down the younger. He sees Hyuka smashing the zombies to bloody bits, fury in the maknae’s eyes.

“Hyuka, that’s enough. Let’s go” he calls the maknae.

Soobin is the one driving this time, as both maknaes are cuddled up in the backseat, Hueningkai’s big frame holding Taehyun protectively in his arms.

Once arrive, Soobin puts Taehyun on a mattress and lets him sleep, he frowns when he feels a warmness upon caressing the vocalist’s forehead.

“The shock must have driven him into a fever…..” the leader mumbles “But we don’t have medicine” Hueningkai interjects, Soobin got up and grabs his weapon.

“I’ll go scavenge for some–”

But Hueningkai grabs his arms in protests “You can’t go out there alone!” for once, ever since this whole fiasco started there is evident fear on Hyuka’s face, begging for the leader to not take the risk. 

_I don't know what to do if you don't come back_

“Taehyun needs it, plus I’m not going far. There should be a pharmacy near here.” He puts both hands on Hyuka’s shoulders, staring down at the maknae.

“I need you to take care of Taehyunnie, can you do that for me Ningning?” the maknae of TXT nearly chokes on tears at the use of the nickname.

“Okay”

Taehyun who wasn’t sleeping at all, waits till he hears the door slams shut and Hyuka’s footsteps padding away from the room he’s in before sitting up with his lips pressed tight to avoid making any sound, it's hard when he's sobbing so hard.

He shakily leans to pull up a bit of his sweatpants to see the wound where the zombie had managed to bit him, a little above his ankle.

The bloody wound oozing red looks disgustingly horrid, a sign of his fast approaching death.

Taehyun takes off his shoes and bloody socks, and rips apart a bit of his jacket to wrap the wound to keep it from bleeding.

All the while he bites down on the top bit of his jacket to hold in his screams, it was so painful. It felt like his skin is on fire and the burning seems to slowly travel up his leg.

Taehyun can’t help but cry, he was going to turn into one of those things, he was going to die.

And if his hyung and maknae doesn’t kill him, he will be the one to kill them.

Taehyun quickly wrap things up, not wanting Hueningkai to find out...but he's really good for nothing isn't he?

“Taehyun……..” with a breath caught up in his throat he turns around to face Hueningkai.

The taller boy drops the bottle of water he was holding, his face now coated with horror.

“Hueningkai…..Hyuka I’m so sorry” he starts, but what can he say?

What should he say?

But Hueningkai didn’t burst into tears like the maknae he used to know, there is a defeated look on his face, a sad expression he never wishes Kai would ever wear.

“So Soobin hyung doesn’t know…..” he starts, voice wavering with suppressed emotions.

Taehyun couldn’t lift his head, he simply can’t look at Hueningkai, afraid of what he would see.

Would Hyuka be mad? Furious that he sent Soobin out looking for medicine, into the danger for something that can’t be cured?

Sad that he’s losing a friend, a brother?

Disappointed that Taehyun could not keep himself safe?

Or guilt for being unable to protect his brother in all but blood?

Taehyun feels the matters dip next to him, “Hyunnie……..you have to tell him” Hyuka mumbles, his voice small and frighten.

A hand around Taehyun’s, gripping it so tightly as if it’s his last time to feel the warmth of Taehyun’s hand in his.

Maybe it was.

Taehyun raise his head, finally daring to look at the maknae. “Hyuka…. Please…. not now…I’ll tell him…. I will…. just …. promise me something…...” It hurts him, to needing the truth from someone who is so devoted to protecting him and Hyuka than his own self.

“You know I love you so much right? God Hyuka, you shouldn’t have to live like this. None of us should. You’re my bestest friend in the whole wide world, my brother. I’m so sorry it came to this, I hope you won’t be too sad, you always make me so happy so once this is all over..." Taehyun take a deep shuddering breath.

" ....please live happily for me?” 

Hueningkai pulls him into a tight hug, the maknae cries out tears at last at his next words.

“I don’t want Soobin hyung or you to blame yourselves for not being able to protect me” 

It was pathetic of him, Taehyun thinks.

After all they’ve been through, he’s simply going to die because he wasn’t being careful enough.

Plus, he made Soobin put himself in danger to find medicine for him.

Hyuka leaves him on his own, Taehyun lays down his head and tries to endure the excruciating pain of the virus eating him up.

Thousands of needles stabbing every part of him, he can’t stop crying to sleep. Dark black roots travel up from the bite wound through his veins. 

Soobin came back safely with some medicine, worry consumed him seeing Taehyun so vulnerable and shaking in his sleep.

The thought of Taehyun affected by the virus never crossed his mind at all, he reminds himself to give the younger medicine when he wakes up.

A few hours later once the sun has set, Hueningkai is about to hit the hay when he hears Taehyun shouting for him.

“HYUKA!”

The maknae rushes to Taehyun’s room to see the vocalist biting down on his hand. Hueningkai gasps, it’s actually happening.

The virus is wining.

“I..I need…him”

The pain suddenly grew tenfold worse, his muscles ache so bad he couldn’t even feel them. Not wanting to give in so easily, he bites down his hand to endure it for just a little longer.

Just long enough to say his apologies and goodbyes.

Soobin slams open the door in worry

“Taehyun?!”

What he saw was supposed to only exist in his nightmares, where everything isn’t real nor permanent.

He rushes to Taehyun and holds the boy’s face in his hands “Hyung…..” Taehyun sounds so weak, so fragile as if he would break any second.

“Why didn’t you tell me..?” Soobin feels his vocal cord seize up, too afraid to talk.

Too much in denial of what’s happening to process his thoughts, he cradles Taehyun.

Watching closely with a breaking heart as the younger slowly dies in his arms.

There was a lot Taehyun wanted to say, too much even.

_I don’t want you to blame yourself, you’re not a failure, you did all you might to protect all of us after Yeonjun and Beomgyu went gone. You’re so strong hyung, I admired you so much. Even back then, you made sure none of us ever overwork ourselves or skip too many meals. You pick us up when we fall and make sure we’re always motivated to do our best. You’re the best leader and big brother I could ever ask for._

He couldn’t say all that, his strength long gone.

He feels Soobin moves him so he would be leaning against the wall, but he knows he could put all those words into a one single last sentence.

“Hyung…I….love you….I’m….so…sorry”

Soobin stares at him sorrowfully, disbelief all over as he wants to shake his head in denial.

“Soobin Hyung…..please move” he turns around to face Hueningkai who holds up a gun, barreling it at Taehyun.

When they founded the gun, they had agreed to saved it for emergencies just in case…..just in case something like _this_ happens.

Except, back then none of them ever thought they would ever come to this.

Soobin’s eyes meet Hyuka’s, the maknae shakes with horror and the gun is unsteady in his hands.

Soobin reaches and takes away the gun from Hueningkai, hell would freeze over first before he lets Hueningkai go through that.

With the gun aimed at Taehyun’s forehead, he suddenly realized he is about to kill Taehyun.

He is about to kill the boy he watched grew up, the boy who even now, looks at Soobin with nothing but love and admiration.

Those big brown orbs stare into his own, dripping with tears and shadowed with pain, begging for him to simply put him at peace.

“Taehyunnie…..”

He sees as Taehyun closes his eyes tight, Soobin held his breath when he pulls the trigger, but made sure Taehyun hears his own last words to the 2nd maknae.

“I love you too”

***BANG!!!***

The gun dropped from his hands in sync with Taehyun’s body sagging to the side as fresh red pours out of his forehead.

Hueningkai had been pressing his back against the wall with his hands covering his ears, but his eyes never left Taehyun.

He watches as Soobin drops to his knees, screaming out loud while gripping his head in frustration and devastation.

He watches as the leader crumble, sobbing out loud as he hugs Taehyun’s lifeless and bloody corpse.

The maknae too cries once reality finally hits him, joining Soobin, feeling Taehyun’s hands again that are now cold.

Hueningkai hears Soobin muttering thousands of apologies and begs for Taehyun to come back or for himself to wake up from this nightmare.

But Taehyun still lays there motionlessly and he doesn’t wake up with blood oozing out of the bullet hole on his forehead.

Because this wasn’t a nightmare.


	3. Run

Beomgyu isn’t sure why, but things escalated way too fast, even for him.

He remembers going out scavenging, and then they saw a herd coming at them with Soobin hearing Hueningkai panicking over the walkie talkie.

He remembers Yeonjun claiming he’ll drive them away despite Soobin’s protests, and he remembers that he followed Yeonjun because they can’t leave someone on their own right?

Now, they’re running. To where? Who knows?

It doesn’t matter as long as these disgusting creeps keeps following them.

He’s always been the one with amazing stamina, the fastest in the group.

But in the midst of running and escaping bodies of undead, Yeonjun’s stamina is almost up to par with him.

This golden hyung, it was shocking how much the dread changed him.

The days spouting nonsense and dad jokes felt like a long time ago, Beomgyu wondered at times if this person is still his hyung.

Yeonjun grew harsher, adamant to keep everyone safe yet so stupidly ready to jump into danger.

“LEFT!” he follows his hyung’s directions, as they twist around into alleyways, they slowly loose the herd.

“Think we can take them!?” Beomgyu quickly glances back, around 4 are still on their tail.

“Maybe?! Your call hyung!” Yeonjun smirks, he grabs a wooden pole as he runs, damn this hyung is _cool_.

And not to mention, ridiculously brave too.

“Grab something!” Beomgyu did, a metal pipe that he was quick enough to notice.

Yeonjun plants one foot down to swiftly turn his body, he steadied himself with his weapon raised and ready to attack.

Beomgyu follows suit, weapon in hand ready to smash.

Honestly the whole fighting thing bothered him more than he like to admit, these things were after all unfortunate innocent humans who fell victim to the virus.

He gulps nervously with fear as the zombies come closer, rushing at them maniacally like wild animals.

“H-hyung…..hyung….I’m scared” he stammers out, “Look Gyu, think of it this way. Right now, if you’re scared–” he bashes one of the incoming zombies in the head, ruthless and mercilessly.

“-one of us is gonna die. And it might not be you, actually I will damn well _make sure_ it isn't you”

*SMASH*

He hits another on its side, blood splashing onto his black shirt.

Beomgyu who had been backing up pause in his steps, he was sacred, he’s always has been, but Yeonjun’s words echoes in his ears.

No, he can’t let that happen.

With newfound courage that ironically blooms out of fear, he yells a battle cry and fights off the last two zombies.

“TAKE THIS YOU UGLY SHITS!!” Yeonjun cursed somewhere in the fight.

Beomgyu just barely manage to take down those things, mostly relaying on his fast movements and reflexes.

With his adrenaline running high, he finishes off the last of them with a smash to the skull.

The creature twitched on the floor, blood oozing out from everywhere before going still.

Beomgyu pants hard, his clothes now bloody and he drops the pipe.

“Hyung….we should—HYUNG WATCH OUT!!!”

But it was too late, he turns to see Yeonjun, the elder is wiping blood off his arm, unaware that one of the zombie isn’t exactly down.

It managed to jump one last time and bites down on Yeonjun’s foot.

Yeonjun screams and kicks away the creature, stabbing its’s head with the pole.

He drops to the ground, cursing as he grips his bloody foot.

“Fuck fuck that fucking hurts you motherfucker!” Beomgyu in a state of alarm rushes to his hyung, kneeling to look at it. He grimace at the sight.

The boy feels every inch of him consume with fear and guilt. Why hadn’t he saw it earlier?!?

Yeonjun wouldn’t have gotten bitten if he had just pay attention.

The dancer unknowingly going into panic in the middle of the alleyway with Yeonjun, who is still hissing and groaning in pain, trying to snap him out of it.

Beomgyu’s choked sobs isn’t helping Yeonjun’s case, the younger boy looks so terrified and guilty and yes, he wants to console him but they are not exactly in the right place and time for it.

Yeonjun drags himself up and yanks Beomgyu by his hand and shove them into one the doors.

His first instinct was to grab the heaviest thing he could move and barricade the door first.

Thankfully, there’s nothing in there that would cause them problems for the time being.

Beomgyu is now full out crying, gripping onto Yeonjun like his life depended on it.

“No hyung!! You can’t!! You can’t die you can’t hyung! Please you can’t!” Yeonjun forces him to sit down and cups the boys’s face, staring seriously into his dongseng’s eyes.

The pain in his foot by no means is fading (It’s getting WORSE) but he can’t exactly get anything done with Beomgyu being hysterical.

“Gyu, Gyu listen. Beomie, look at me, LOOK AT ME” he emphasized his words sternly

He didn’t want to be rough, he knew how sensitive Beomgyu can be but they need to move fast.

The blond boy stops murmuring nonsense and looks at his hyung, the tears in his eyes has yet to subside.

“I need you to help me okay? You’re going to do exactly as I say and we’ll both be alright. Can you do that for me Beomie? Beomie? Calm down, I need you to work with me okay? Can you do that? You don’t want me to die right?” Beomgyu violently shakes his head at the last question

“Good, now you do exactly as I told you okay?” he gives Beomgyu one reassuring smile.

He wipes away some of those tears and pecks the crown of Beomgyu’s head, Yeonjun then looks around, smiling seeing that they’re in workshop of some sort.

“How convenient, see that saw? Bring it over” Beomgyu nods, he all but stumble towards it.

Yeonjun hisses at the pain and leans against the cold cement wall.

The eldest mentally dreads what he’s about to do, more so when there aren’t any painkillers.

This shit is bouta hurt real bad.

But he’s more concern for Beomgyu, granted, he can’t possible do it himself so Beomgyu has to help him.

Still, Yeonjun has no idea how he’s going to convince Beomgyu to do something so……mentally scarring.

“Hurry Beomgyu!” It pushed the younger to be quick, Yeonjun pulls up his pants to see the bite, it looks hideously horrid.

He grabs a bundle of wire close by and begin tying it just a little below his knee to cut off blood circulation.

Beomgyu hands him the saw, sweating nervously as he wonders what Yeonjun is planning.

But his mind has…. a freaky idea what he’s about to made him do, he dismissed those thoughts immediately.

“Okay, look I tied this wire here. And on three you chop this entire limb off, understood?”

_What_

Beomgyu freezes again, eyes wide as he looks at Yeonjun as if he’s gone mad.

“What hyung—But I…I can’t…..you want me to-” he couldn’t even form the words to describe the horror of it all. Yeonjun groans, he glares at the younger making Beomgyu back away with a whimper.

Ugh, damn does Yeonjun _hates_ this.

“For fuck’s sake Gyu, do you want me to turn into those crazy ass shits?”

In truth, he was starting to panic as well.

If Beomgyu doesn’t get his shit together and get on with it might be too late.

And Yeonjun isn’t planning to die anytime soon, most definitely not without at least reuniting with the others.

“No-no but I—” How could he? Doing this?

To the hyung he looks up to so much, the person who he knows loves dancing so much it was his life passion.

“Then do it! Do it now!” Yeonjun shoves the saw at him, Beomgyu bits his lips and pick it up with his trembling hands.

“I do-don’t know if I can” 

This was too much, he can’t do this.

This is terrifying and crazy, not the kind of crazy they used to associate with, this is the horrible kind of crazy.

“Do it or I’ll just simply _kill myself”_

Beomgyu snap his head upon in alarm, a strangled cry emitting from him as he sees the sight.

Yeonjun has a gun pressed against his head, a desperate look in his face.

“If I turn, I KNOW you won’t kill me. So, I’ll do it myself now. Or do you want to perhaps reconsider option A?”

Beomgyu cries, he sobs loudly and hard. The whole pressure is killing his sanity.

But, despite everything, he tries.

He thought of Hyuka who is probably worried about them when he moves closer.

He thought of Soobin who had to saw him and Yeonjun taking off into danger, the leader would not let him out of sight once they’re together again.

He thought of Taehyun who would cry and hug him and not let go when they meet up again, with Yeonjun alive and kicking, as he grips the saw tightly yet it was slightly shaking in his hands.

He raises it up, thinking only that he is making sure Yeonjun lives to see tomorrow, and shouts as loud as he could when he slams it down.

Yeonjun who had bite down on his hand to endure the pain shouted out string of curses, there was a splash of red.

Blood tainting everywhere. He kept on screaming his lung out when he drags the saw up and down, tearing apart the flesh cell by cell.

Yeonjun's blood curdling screams filled the place, blending with his own voice.

The blond boy tries as he might to block the screaming and finish off the task as quickly as he could, not stopping for a second, he could be traumatized about it later.

It was the most horrid 60 seconds of his life.

Beomgyu drop the saw and sag to the side in a mess of tears, blood and sweat.

He curls up on the floor, too horrified at what he had done, trying to get that gruesome image out of his head.

Yeonjun was quick to use his pants tie thing up and crawls towards the younger, kicking away his limb out of Beomgyu’s vision.

He might have underestimated his pain tolerance or perhaps, it was the rush and panic of it all but despite the horrible burn in his leg.

He gathers Beomgyu in his embrace, hugging the boy and kissing away the tears.

“Oh Beomie, I’m so sorry you had to do that. Shhh…I’m fine, I’m okay now see? I’m so proud of you, hyung is so proud of you. You did so well, so brave for me” he rocks the blond boy till he stops crying

“You saved me Gyu, I’m not gonna turn. You saved me, hyung is so proud of you” They stayed that way for a while.

“We gotta move, this place isn’t secured enough” Yeonjun mumbled, although he could see shadowy silhouettes of the creatures from the window. Beomgyu sniffs and nods, they wait till the shadow goes away.

“Okay, I think we can go now” Yeonjun says, he climbs onto Beomgyu’s back. “Will you be alright?”

Both of them hadn’t eaten anything in a while, he worries Beomgyu wouldn’t be able to run with him on his back. But the younger idol nods, a determined look on his face.

“Okay then...” they manage to get out and walk for a couple minutes-

“Beomgyu, RUN!”

Beomgyu didn’t spend a single second to look back and charge forward, he lets the last of his strength carry him and his hyung, his fear of death making sure he never slows down or god forbids—trip.

He feels Yeonjun trying to shift his position on his back, somehow, he managed to hold Yeonjun by his good leg and one arm.

***BANG* * BANG *BANG***

Bullets go off but dare not looks back, “SHIT!! TO THAT MALL!!” He complies with his hyung’s words. His own legs starting to hurt, but they pull through.

In a relatively abandoned shop lot, Beomgyu set Yeonjun down and went to barricade the entrances to the shop they’re in.

He had got them into a convenient store by chance, grabbing some bread he tosses them to Yeonjun.

They ate in silence, not knowing what to do or say.

The dancer still hadn’t been able to look at his hyung’s leg, he didn’t want to be reminded of it.

“How do you think Taehyun, Hyuka and Soobin hyung are doing?” Beomgyu suddenly speaks up, the solitude is killing him.

“Fine, they have Soobin of course they’re okay. They’re probably waiting for us too” Yeonjun assures the younger male, pulling him closer.

“We’ll be okay, all of us. We’ll be okay” Beomgyu cuddles up to Yeonjun, humming along to agreed.

“I miss them, Soobin hyung…Hyuka…Taehyun”

Yeonjun shush him, “I know Gyu, me too. Now sleep”


	4. Fragile Heart

Hueningkai clenches his fist, Soobin still hasn’t left the room and it has been 3 whole days.

The leader, despite everything Taehyun did to keep him from being guilty still mourns in grief with remorse at the death of his dongsaeng. 

Even for Hueningkai, the memory is still clear as crystal in his head.

Taehyun getting shot, Taehyun collapsing, Taehyun with a hole in his forehead dripping with blood.

He hasn’t slept peacefully because of it, the nightmares were much too vivid and real. 

_‘If only I…..If only we hadn’t split up that day’_ he thought to himself, with Soobin rendered too traumatized to function, they weren't able to make much progress.

“Sleeping pills…..there’s a pharmacy around here right…..?” he wonders out loud, remembering Soobin went out to get medicine for…Hyuka picks up his bat, the car keys and marches out the door.

He wants to be mad at Soobin, hell he wants to curse at the elder, but he can’t find the means to do so.

It wasn’t Soobin’s fault, it wasn’t his either, but this immense guilt, why does it exist?

Soobin only did what Taehyun would’ve wanted, ironically he died in the hands of his leader, the person he looks up to with all the adoration in the world. 

So he asks himself again, why is he so mad? Hyuka doesn’t know the answers to these questions in his head.

He doesn’t know how he is still sane, not when his hyungs went missing a whole week ago, now his best friend, a brother, is dead.

The car comes to a halt, in the middle of nowhere.

Hueningkai clutches the steering wheel tight, leaning forward till his forehead is resting on the steering wheel.

A stream of fresh tears drips down his face, Taehyun is gone isn’t he? He’s not coming back.

That was a fact he had pushed away in the darkest parts of his mind, refusing to believe it.

Taehyun got bitten, he was too late to be saved, Soobin ended his suffering. 

He had witnessed all of those moments with his own two eyes, he had suppressed his emotions for too long and now they had become too unbearable.

Hueningkai, aged 17, takes a deep breath and screams his heart out.

All his tears, his fears, he trashed and punched in the crammed driver seat. 

He cried for the hyung who lost sight of who he was, he screams for his other hyungs who may or may not be alive, and most all he mourns for his eternal best friend whose last wish was too impossible to uphold to. 

**_“Live happily for me?”_ **

“How could I when you’re not here…?” 

The boy lets out every once of his emotions, wishing one last time for Taehyun to be here to hold him and hug him like they used to.

But only the solitude of the car is his company “Hyunnie...Hyunnie, please come back…come back…. I can’t….you...I...I’m not ready to lose you” he hiccupped.

He just sat there, shaking like the child he is, wishing for his best friend back.

He leans back and stares down his clothes, he never minded the blood before, but he knew whose blood was tainted there now.

Hyuka grimace, he needs to get out of this or he might just go crazy.

As minutes passed, the car’s engine started up again and he made way to the mall that became the start of his personal nightmare.

The mall looked unchanged, same as how they left it. He parks somewhere and carefully enters, it might have not been the best idea to not tell Soobin where he was going, although he doubts the leader will be any more responsive than a broken doll.

Hueningkai comes across the shop where Taehyun was attacked, he could see the remains of the zombie he battered to bits.

Nope, he is not going to go anywhere near there for the sake of his mentality.

Hueningkai roams around some more, like that other day it was eerily quiet. But he knows better than to assume there are no zombies lurking, not this time.

He enters a different clothing store, grabs the cleanest hoodie and jacket he could find and changes immediately. 

The sooner he gets out of these bloody clothes, the better. He steps out of the store, but quickly hides behind a wall when he hears…..footsteps?

Those don’t sound like zombie footsteps at all.

It lasted a few seconds, too fast _‘Maybe I’m imagining it…...am I crazy already?’_

He shakes away those thoughts and marches on to find a pharmacy or any drug store.

It didn’t take long to find one, he bashed two zombies along the way.

He never questions the lack of hesitation he bears when it comes to killing these things, and he sure as hell isn’t going to start now. 

“Sleeping pills… sleeping pills,” he mumbled while reading each bottle of drugs he found.

He cannot distinguish the meaning of these names, like Doxepin, Sonata, etc. If only there's a line connection that is still working, he can search it up at ease. 

He was afraid he might have used the wrong drugs until he found a bottle prescribed _‘Antidepressant’_.

In which, he feels familiar with the name of it because he remembered how Taehyun kept talking random facts about medicine pills in the dorm while he was getting a cold. 

He chuckled just by the thought of it. _‘Oh Taehyunnie…’_ a sweet and fond smile crawled up his face, a smile that falls as soon as it rises.

A sudden noise interrupts him, panicked, he quickly put the pill bottle in his pocket and grabbed his bat.

He slowly steps forward where the sound is coming from the other side of the aisle. 

He prayed so hard that it was not a zombie or if possibly anyone that seemed dangerous.

He took a peek and saw a hooded figure who was scavenging every medicine that was in front of him.

The figure seems like they are rushing.

Hueningkai cautiously approached the newcomer, on one hand, he's glad it wasn't a zombie but he still has no idea if this person means no harm or would attack him at first sight. 

He inch nearer and nearer, pulling out a spare pocket knife that he may or may not have pickpocketed from Soobin.

With speed, he pushes the person against the shelves and has the knife hovering at their neck.

The person yelps in surprise, squirming in the maknae's strong grip "Who are you?!" 

“Let me go—wait….Hyuka?” the person choked.

The struggling stops at once, the newcomer seems to crumble just by the sound of Hueningkai's voice.

Hueningkai confused, the voice he heard, it sounds so familiar, it feels like it’s been a million years he hasn't heard it for quite a long time.

He knew whose voice it belonged to, how could he forget those sweet dialect tones. 

“B-Beomgyu...hyung?” He lowered down his pocket knife. He pulls the hoodie down, a fluff of blond appeared and there it is, his hyung's pretty face all messy with blood and dirt. Eyes brimming with tears as he looks at his maknae for the first time since their separation.

Beomgyu jumped to hug Hueningkai, letting out the sobs on his maknae’s shoulder. He embraced so tightly that Hueningkai was unable to breathe.

But he let his hyung hold him until they stayed in that position for a whole minute. 

It’s been too long since he lost Beomgyu, he wondered if Yeonjun hyung was still with him.

Why was Beomgyu alone all of the sudden in this huge mall? He doesn't want to think that far ahead.

"Where's Yeonjun hyung?" the sudden mortified look on Beomgyu's face set off his alarms.

"He's fine...just….um…." There are simply no words or sentences he could form at the moment to explain to the maknae Yeonjun's condition.

So Beomgyu didn't say a word, merely leads Hueningkai to the convenient store where Yeonjun is.

Hueningkai could cry upon seeing Yeonjun, wanting to fling himself at the eldest and never let him go. But….. 

He noticed Yeonjun looked physically different from what he remembered, first, the elder got sickening eyebags, his dyed blue hair began to fade to shade of pale green close to dirty blonde.

Eyeing down to Yeonjun’s right leg, all he could see half of his pants were tied half by his knee, the entire cloth soak with the amount of blood that begins to dry. 

"Hueningkai..?...oh my god, HYUKA!!" Yeonjun tried to hoist himself up, barely able to do so by himself.

"H-hyung…..Yeonjun hyung!!" he tackles Yeonjun, supporting him to stand more comfortably.

“I know what you’re thinking,” the elder chuckled, “I kinda… been so careless when attacking the zombies that... I got bit.” the elder explains but wasn't at all expecting Hueningkai to suddenly overreact. 

He backs away from Yeonjun, the bat dropping from his hands, loud clang ringing the store.

"You’re such an idiot! You so stupid! So f—stupid! " he pants as the words spill from his lips in haze. He pulled his hair in distressed and kneel down, head against the floor. 

Suddenly all he could see was Taehyun screaming as a zombie bites his foot.

Taehyun laying on the bed gripping his bloody foot while hollering in agony.

Taehyun looks at him in the eyes and stares into his soul as blood drips from the hole on his forehead.

"Hyuka…..why Hyuka?" in a voice so timid and small.

Hueningkai starts screaming his lungs out jumbled out words of “I’M SORRY!" repeatedly.

Beomgyu and Yeonjun stood helplessly, it might be dangerous to approach Hueningkai as he still has the pocket knife with him. 

Beomgyu moves closer to Hyuka with caution, he gently grabs hold of both of Hyuka's hands and gently pulls away the knife.

He can feel the younger’s hands are shaking and turn cold.

Beomgyu softly pressed both Hyuka’s hands to give warmth, he tilted his head lower to make sure he could see the maknae’s face.

"H...hyu….hyun…..hyu….h…" fearful orbs stare into Beomgyu's, at once this did not look like the teen who bashed zombies.

He looked like a small fragile child that lived through too much cruelty.

“Shh… it’s okay...it’s okay,” Beomgyu slowly moved his hand to Hyuka’s shoulder, patting gently while cooing to the younger.

“Look at hyung okay? Now follow me, breathe in and out” He put Hyuka’s hand to his chest to let him feel his heartbeat, so the younger could follow the same by counting his breathing. 

Slowly but surely able to calm the maknae. 

Yeonjun could only stare and watch as Beomgyu cares for the maknae, he remembered the days Beomgyu would help him with his own mental baggage.

Impressed and proud of his dongsaeng. 

Beomgyu manages to help calm Hyuka down from the panic attack after a few minutes.

"Better?" he asks, the youngest nods in response.

"Do you need to rest first?" Yeonjun asks him. Hueningkai shakes his head "Lets...just….go back"

And so the Maknae of TXT leads his hyung to the car. He didn't bring up that the panic attack was a first or that mentioning being bitten is what triggered it.

He certainly did not utter a word about Taehyun. 

"Waah, I can't wait to see Soobin hyung and Taehyunnie again!!"

Hueningkai frowns slightly at Beomgyu's exclamation, a part of him wanted to spare the pain and tell the truth.

And yet the other part says it's better for them to find out on their own.


	5. Incomplete

How long had he been sitting there, the gun long abandoned at one side, untouched. Soobin had cried, screamed, Taehyun's unmoving body in his arms.

If Hyuka had joined him, he wouldn't have known. 

At that moment, he only hears the bang of the gun. Taehyun's huge doe eyes looking at him fearfully, and blood.

First came agony, grief eats him up then and there.

Then came guilt, anger, he questioned his worth as leader and hyung to the boy.

But next came a looming numbness, his body felt weak, he couldn't feel anything.

Even as Hyuka, who managed to somehow snap back into his senses, pried away Taehyun from him, he didn't have the strength to resist. 

Soobin wordlessly watches as Hueningkai cleans away whatever washable blood from Taehyun's face and clothes with that horror look on his face.

The maknae wrapped some bandages around his forehead, working quickly yet meticulously as if not to hurt the sleeping boy.

He did not cry nor say a word, simply quietly _‘taking care’_ of his brother.

He kept on playing the audience, mind too blank (or was it too overwhelmed?) to think. Hyuka gently lays Taehyun on the mattress, he pulls a blanket to tuck him in.

Now, it only looks like Taehyun is asleep as he normally is. 

“Hyung….hyung” the maknae called him, his voice void of emotion.

It should’ve alarmed him, Hyuka locking away his feelings used to be quite the problem for them, the mental burden had bad effects on the maknae.

But he couldn’t move, he sat there feeling everything yet nothing. 

Hueningkai left him on his own once he is done, clearly the youngest is not in the right state of mind to deal with a dissociating Soobin.

He did move eventually, Kai drags his ass out of the room and forced him to eat.

Pathetic, he’s the hyung, the leader, why is he acting so weak, so vulnerable and Hueningkai of all people in his life is the one taking charge, making sure he doesn’t die from the starvation that he couldn't even feel. 

The next day, Soobin finds himself back in that room.

Not to cry, just to stay there, he wasn’t sure what he was trying to achieve or find.

But there’s this voice inside of him that said he shouldn't leave Taehyun alone, because the last time he did that, it ends with this. 

A boy too young, too full of ideals to leave the world so soon.

“Hyung for f—damn it, hyung! You can’t keep being….like....like this” Hyuka yelled at him once he had enough of Soobin’s bullshit on day 3.

“I did this” the leader’s voice is small, almost like a whisper.

“You-.no….you didn’t….this...isn’t what he...he wants…..” but Soobin wasn’t listening, Hyuka made no move to persuade him.

He heard the door slamming shut behind him, he didn’t even flinch by the loud thud. Soobin assumed the maknae stormed out the room, leaving him and Taehyun’s cold body all alone.

He sighed and massaged his temples, he winced when he felt a slight pain in his head. 

He felt lightheaded, vision getting blurry, knocking the sense out of him.

God, how long has it been for him to act this way? The emptiness, feeling nothing but a hollowness in his heart.

He picks himself off the floor, his body swaying with how unfocused he was.

Soobin made way for the bathroom, his hand gripping onto the ceramic sink ever so tightly, splashing water to his face, if the water was freezing cold Soobin didn't feel it.

The disheveled looking leader stumbles into the main room, he looks over their stash of supplies, it is enough to last all of them (5, they gathered supplies for five not two) for a fortnight long trip.

His eyes landed on the map spread out on the table, there's bunch of notes and random reminders scribbled about along with their planned route.

And yet he wonders, what is the point of it all? How could they learn to live after all this?

How can he sleep at night without a vivid reminder of what he committed. How would they even live after all this trauma?

Taehyun is gone, he doesn't know if Beomgyu and Yeonjun are still alive or are they ever coming back and Hue— _Wait_

Soobin scans around the main room, Hyuka isn't here.

After endless hours of numbness, he finally felt something, panic.

A burning sensation starts in his chest, _‘No no no no...where...where are you?!’_ He rushes to check other rooms, heart racing with dread each time he isn't met with Hueningkai's face. 

Did he leave? Soobin gasps, the car keys are gone too. He slowly backs up till he bumps into the wall.

Hands pulling on his hair, did Hyuka leave because he was ignoring him?

Because he was being such a pathetic hyung that couldn’t pull himself together for possibly the only dongsaeng he’s left with?

He hears an engine roar from outside, he jumps to his feet, speeding for the door. When he sees the familiar tuff of brown entering, he tackles Hueningkai down.

Hugging the maknae tight without uttering a word, letting his fingers run through those brown locks that are now growing long, feeling the other’s body pressed against him, alive and breathing. 

“Hyung?” Hueningkai muttered, a little taken back by the sudden action because he remembered Soobin being unresponsive when he left.

Soobin pulls away to check each inch of Hueningkai’s tall frame, a burst of relief wash over as he detects no bites.

Because unlike Taehyun, Hueningkai can hold his own. He embraces the maknae once more, “Don’t do that” he timidly whispers, voice wavering with fear.

Hueningkai huffs, gently pushing him away “Maybe if you stop acting like you’re the only one hurting here” 

Those words stung him, Hueningkai brush passed him, heading for Taehyun’s room.

“What was that about?” Soobin gasps, slowly with an aching heart, he turns around to see the two people he thought he lost, standing there with confused gazes.

His breath turn choppy as he finds the words to form

“H-H-Hyung…..G-Gy-G-Gyu” 

He takes two steps and throws himself at the two boys, fresh tears streaming down his cheeks as he repeats his actions with Hueningkai.

His heart stops when he sees Yeonjun’s leg, the eldest smiling sheepishly at him, “At least I’m alive '' Soobin hugs him tighter, trying as he might to block away new images in his mind.

Instead of Taehyun, now, he sees Yeonjun.

“Where’s Hyunnie?” Beomgyu asked, and it took whatever fabric of self control Soobin has to not break down again.

He steps away from them, wiping away his tears, he couldn’t voice out a word so he simply points towards where Hueningkai had gone.

Beomgyu smiles brightly, is about to skip away if it weren’t for Yeonjun reminding him that he needs him for support.

Soobin slips an arm around Yeonjun too, they help him walk to the room.

They heard a voice as they came closer, a singing voice.

It was weird, it’s been too long since any of them had sung a note, but it was nostalgically welcoming. 

**_“I can touch nun-ap-e nega eobs-eodo_ **   
**_I reach naegeseo meolli tteonado_ **   
**_Neoui gieogman-eulodo nae ma-eum-eun eonjena chumchuneun geol yejeoncheoleom”_ **

**_(I can touch even if you're not in my sight  
I reach even if you go far away from me  
Even if it's just in your memories, my hearts is always dancing, just like before)_ **

By the door, they could see Hueningkai sitting on the floor while leaning against the wall, soft melody strings from his lips.

The maknae sings softly, his voice a little hoarse but beautiful nevertheless. 

Hueningkai remembered when Taehyun used to sing Nap of A Star to get him to sleep on bad days, the other’s calming and soothing voice flows and easing him into slumber.

He is a lot too late but if he sings now anyway, would Taehyun be able to hear him?

Would it somehow bring him comfort? 

**_“Neoui naj-jam-i doeeoseo gat-i kkum-eul kkugo sip-eo eonjena_ **   
**_Amu il eobs-eossdan deus-i_ **   
**_No-eul-i jineun jeonyeogdo kamkamhaejin bamhaneuldo_ **   
**_Nae mam-en neolo gadeug cha iss-eo”_ **

_**(I want to be your nap so I can dream with you no matter when**   
**As if nothing had happened**   
**On a sunset evening, even in the night when the sky is dark**   
**My heart is full of you)**   
_

He did not bat an eye when the three entered the room, only keeping his gaze to the floor as he kept on singing.

They help Yeonjun to sit on the side of the bed. Beomgyu immediately climbs in next to Taehyun right after.

He wraps his arms around the second maknae, snuggling into him.

**_“Byeolbich-e chumchudeon eolin sijeol-ui gieogdeul_ **   
**_Ijen jeomjeom huimihaejyeo ganda haedo_ **   
**_Ne kkumsog-eseon hamkkeyeoss-eumyeon johgess-eo seonmyeonghage”_ **

**_(The memories of my childhood years dancing in the starlight  
Even if they gradually fade away  
I wish we could be together  
Clear in your dreams)_ **

They didn’t question the forehead bandage, Hueningkai went off key for a second when his eyes darts up to only see Beomgyu cuddling Taehyun, they didn’t question him for that either.

Soobin stood still at the door, not knowing what he should say, too shocked of what’s happening in display. 

Yeonjun pats Taehyun’s waist, “Hyun ah, hyung is back, wake up you brat” calling for the second maknae to wake up.

Beomgyu’s face slowly turns into a frown _‘He feels so cold’_ he thinks, he roams his hands a little more and feels his blood run as cold as the body next to him.

Where is Taehyun’s heartbeat? Why can’t he feel it? 

**_“Bamhaneul-e neol bulleodo daedab eobsneun geom-eun chimmug museowo_ **   
**_Idaelo ijge doelkka bwa_ **   
**_Mabeob gatdeon geu sungandeul neowa geoddeon bamhaneuldo_ **   
**_Kkumcheoleom geunyang salajilkka bwa”_ **

**_(Even when I call out to you at the night sky  
The unanswering dark silence, I’m afraid  
Afraid they’ll be forgotten  
The magical moments, the night sky we used to walk  
Afraid they’ll slip away like a dream)_ **

Beomgyu shot up from his position, surprising Yeonjun as he pries off the blanket. Hueningkai’s singing comes to a stop, his hands trembling as he grips onto his jacket.

“Taehyun! Taehyun ah! Wake up!! Me and Yeonjun hyung came back! Taehyun ah!!” he shouts, Yeonjun is tugging Taehyun’s sleeves, shaking him lightly.

Beomgyu places a hand on Taehyun’s chest, a choked sob emits from his lips.

“Y-yah..Taehyun-ah... why...why aren't you...breathing..? w-wake up- Beomie is here-! Yeonjun hyung is here too! hehe we both come back safe-” he rambles on as his hands try to find a beat somewhere.

Yeonjun’s face turns cold, he clenches Taehyun’s smaller hands in his.

“Gyu..." he shakes his head in disbelief, hand checking tyun's pulse, his breathing laboured, fingers feeling the wound that is covered by bandage on his forehead. 

"He's.. dead."

On the corner of his eyes, he sees Hueningkai flinch violently at the word, hands covering his ears.

Yeonjun’s eyes found a forgotten gun near the bed, his mind had an idea of what had happened. However Beomgyu goes hysterical at Yeonjun’s statement.

“No- _*chokes*_ NO..! NO NO HE'S NOT- HE'S NOT! WE WEREN'T GONE FOR THAT LONG! TAEHYUN'S SMART RIGHT?! I'M SURE HE- HAH! He was just playing dead to scare us- r..right??! Right???!” he pokes Taehyun's arms repeatedly, crying for the boy to wake up.

"NO please...Tyun ah….it can't be. Please…" he wails out loud, burying his face into Taehyun's shoulder, hugging the body of his deceased dongsaeng.

He was so happy, so glad to finally be back to see his dongsaengs so that his heart can be at peace that they're okay only to…..to find out….he...already lost one.

Yeonjun rigidly sat there, his thoughts running too fast, too much for him to process this reality.

His eyes scanned Taehyun, freezing when he saw the gash at his foot.

Taehyun was bitten there like him, he was bitten on his foot and so did Yeonjun. So why did he live and Taehyun didn't?

Why didn't they do the same as he did? He is overwhelmed with sorrow, shock and anger.

**"I killed him"**

All heads snap at the voice, Soobin stares at them with a single tear trailing down his cheeks.

The leader's statement made Hueningkai jump onto his feet, a warning glint in his eyes "No you didn't! Stop saying that!!" he was ready to shove the leader back, completely and utterly done with Soobin's bullshit.

Soobin glares back "YES I DID, there I said it." Yeonjun who had enough of everyone's bullcrap telling speaks out loud.

"You two shut the hell up!!" His outburst caused the two to quiet down. Beomgyu's cries remain the only sound in the room.

"TAEHYUN AH!!!! WAKE UP!!! PLEASE!!! YOU CAN'T DO THIS ME!! TAEHYUN!! DO YOU HEAR ME YOU BRAT!!" 

"Hyuka…. get him out of here. Try to calm him down" Hueningkai huffs, but nods at Yeonjun.

"Hyung….Beomgyu hyung…..come on…" he avoids looking directly at Taehyun's face.

"NO!! NO!! GET AWAY FROM ME!! HE HAS TO WAKE UP!! HE CAN'T BE GONE!! HE CAN'T!!" Beomgyu fights back, lashing out when Hueningkai grabs his hands.

Alas, the maknae is stronger, with ease he was able to manhandle Beomgyu away from the bed and out of the room despite the blonde kicking and screaming about it.

Once they're out it was just the two hyungs in the room.

Yeonjun inch up the bed a little, a hand caressing Taehyun's peaceful looking face gently.

"Hyun ah….hyung is so sorry….I'm sorry I wasn't there for you Taehyunnie…..hyung is so sorry for not being able to protect you" he trails, tears dripping onto the fabric of Taehyun's hoodie. 

This is-WAS his first little brother, the talented cutie he took under his wing in Bighit all those years ago.

The main anchor to his mentality, Taehyun has always been a little special, a little more precious to him because he was FIRST. 

The first to call him hyung, the first to be his dongsaeng, the first to come running to him when he struggles with something, the first to jump and cheer when he dances, the first to praise him for his improvements, the first to congratulate him on every evaluation, the first to hug and wipe away his tears when he cries.

The first he has to lose because he wasn't there to protect him. 

He bends down, planting soft kisses all over the younger's face, his tears soaking Taehyun's cheeks.

"I love you Taehyunnie, I love you so much my precious little brother….." he mumbled, heart clenching with sadness.

"Rest in peace Taehyunnie….hyung loves you so much"

He could deal with killing zombies or getting a limb cut off, but this? How can he deal with this?

He sobs, not loudly like Soobin or hysterically like Beomgyu. Yeonjun sobs quietly and brokenly, sniffing with each sob.

He lets his heart mourn at his loss as Soobin watches, the leader not saying a word.

Yeonjun's head hung low, eyes cast to his amputated leg.

It was faint but he still feels it, a stinging pain of cells rotting. He places one last kiss on Taehyun's forehead, right on top of the bandage.

"Wait for me Tyun ah, I'll be there soon" he whispered in a hushed tone, he sat up and turns to Soobin, his face shadowed with an unreadable expression.

"Soobin, help me up" Soobin moves a second later, reaching to grab Yeonjun's shoulder. 

Like lightning, Yeonjun grabs onto Soobin's arms and uses the weight of his body to tackle Soobin to the floor.

There's fury in his eyes as he claws Soobin's collar and yanks his head up with both hands “ **Why him?!** Why Taehyun?! I thought you could protect him!!!" 

Yeonjun raised both arms and hit Soobin on the chest repeatedly as he screamed out incoherent swears and accusations, taking out his anger on the younger male.

Soobin did not fight back nor make a move to stop him, simply enduring whatever physical pain his hyung is inflicting on him 

Plus, it did not last long anyway. Yeonjun's punches slowly come to a halt as he bends over and rests his head on Soobin's chest in defeat.

Tears soaking through Soobin's shirt that his hands were firmly fisting "Why…..why him…."

Soobin didn't cry, he spent days, hours to literal milliseconds after Taehyun's death crying, there weren't any more tears left for him to shed, besides, he had enough of it anyway.

They stayed like that on the floor, both grieving in their own ways.

"Why…..why didn't you guys do what I did?" he finally asks after a while, as much as he would never want Taehyun to go through the pain that he did, he rather have the younger alive more than anything.

"We...we didn't know….till….it was….too late….He hid...it...from us"

Yeonjun snarls, "How the fuck did he do that if- _No_...no no don't you fucking dare tell me….you left him on his own out there..?" a new wave of anger wash over, Soobin can’t be that dumb for fuck's sake.

But those eyes tells it all "Yes…. we….that day…..we thought…...it was-fuck….okay….to.. _*sharp breath*_ split up."

Yeonjun takes a deep breath and manuverved himself off of Soobin, landing next to him.

He sat up "Did he agree…..to split?" Yeonjun hates that he's asking this when he himself knew the answer. _Of course he did_ , he's Kang Taehyun. 

Soobin swings an arm over his face, covering it as he began "He was not hesitant… we thought he was going to be fine… I was wrong..so wrong… That day, when he was….. struggling to keep himself from turning, I KNEW I was too late to do so…. _*quiet sobs*_ Hyuka was pointing a gun at him…..but I couldn’t imagine how it would scar Hyuka if HE was the one who pulls the trigger… God….he was in so much pain…" another hand moves up to claw at his face in frustration.

Yeonjun silently listens, he huffs and runs his fingers through his hair and rubs his temple. How fucking ironic isn't it?

Him putting Beomgyu through hell while Soobin made sure Hyuka was spared from a burned thought that he had to kill his own friend. 

"You know…..I...I... would've been dead if it weren't for Beomgyu" he manage to start, Soobin removes his hand to look at he elder, shifting his body into a sitting position like Yeonjun.

Puzzled at what the elder wanted to say. 

"I was a reckless ass, thought all of those fucking zombies were dead after bashing them up. One fucking bit me and- we managed to get somehwere safe, a fucking workshop, can you believe how ironic it is? I need my leg chopped off and we so happen to tumble into a place full of tools to do it…. I….I…. had to forced Gyu to….. cut my leg off…"

Soobin widen his eyes, his breath caught in his throat at the revelation of how the situation went down "Hyung-" but Yeonjun did not let him 

"He wouldn’t do it, I know he wouldn’t-but...I....I threatened him with a gun pointing to myself, giving him two fucked up choices. And then…"

Yeonjun leaned back against the bed, a guilty face on, he took a deep breath before continuing. 

"....he finally did.." 

Yeonjun chuckled darkly, a hand coming up to his face, holding back a strangled sob with his hand over his mouth, disbelieving what he did to his dongsaeng back then.

He was honestly ready to die then and there and just hope Beomgyu could make it back on his own.

Soobin pulls Yeonjun into a hug, patting his back. From outside they could hear screaming starting again.

A faint "NOO!!! YEONJUN HYUNG! TAEHYUN AH! NO NO NO DON'T LEAVE ME!!! PLEASE!!!" and Hyuka's pleads for Beomgyu to follow his breathing

Yeonjun stared at the door, feeling like the worst person on the planet, feeling like he should've just died instead of putting Beomgyu through that.

Who was he to judge Soobin for putting Taehyun out of misery and spare Hyuka from the trauma when he did that to Beomgyu.

"He saved me, but I broke him, Soobin"


	6. Goodbye

Soobin helps Yeonjun wash up, helping the elder out of his bloodied clothes and mend his mangled leg.

Soon all four remaining members of TXT gather in the main room, Beomgyu sat in the corner while hugging his knees, he had stopped crying after a while.

Hueningkai leaned against the wall near the door to Taehyun's room.

Yeonjun is sitting on a chair by the table, going through the notes and map again while Soobin is on his opposite just staring blankly at the contends on the table.

He raises his head to look at Hueningkai only for the maknae to glare at him sharply. 

Soobin looks away at once, he wasn't sure why Hueningkai is so mad at him.

The boy did not push him away when he was checking him a couple hours ago but is adamant about giving him the cold shoulders now. "We'll leave at dawn" Yeonjun suggested.

"I'm not going" Beomgyu voices out, the tone of his voice monotone.

"What do you mean?" Soobin presses "If he's being left here, I won't leave. You can't make me" the blond boy continues.

"He's…..gone….Gyu…" and Yeonjun just barely missed the half empty plastic bottle thrown at him.

"I DON'T CARE!! Aren't we Tomorrow X Together?!? It's all five of us!! WE CAN'T LEAVE HIM HERE!" 

Yeonjun's gaze turns icy "Beomgyu for fuck's sake. We can't drag his—his….body...wherever we go! It’s not respectful—”

"Yes we can…..there's a bigger car not too far from here. We could hotwire that" Hueningkai unexpectedly speaks up, he had been on his feet since the whole topic bringing Taehyun along started.

"I don't want to leave him here either. He should….be with us….." _'or at least get buried properly'_ he did not voice out his last thoughts. 

"Hyuka—" but again, Soobin is cut off from answering the youngest "Oh I'm sorry? I didn’t know you could insert opinions? Finally woke up huh hyung? Did reality dumped cold water over you?" His words are a mix of anger and sarcasm.

Soobin staggered back, the words genuinely hurt him. 

“Hueningkai, that is fucking enough!” The elder suddenly raised his voice echoing the entire room, startling all three of them.

"Go walk it off" he barks at the maknae, Hueningkai lowers his head and jogs away, he starts to pace in the hallways to calm himself.

The outburst strung a chord in Beomgyu somehow, he is instantly hit with a wave of memories from the previous week, specifically the one that is coated with so much crimson he has no idea how he could still remember every second of it so vividly.

He hugs his knees tighter, "Hyung…Yeonjun hyung please…..don't leave Taehyunnie here….please….he has to be with us…..we're his family…..we can't leave him behind……" he feels bad for raising his voice earlier, now opting to only beg for what he wants.

He unwraps himself and slowly moves to Yeonjun, burying himself on Yeonjun's lap.

"Please….." he begs again, the tremble in his hands is more visible with Yeonjun's firm ones clasps around it.

The eldest holding a deep breath, this is so going to bite them in the ass later on.

"Okay,”

Soobin whips his head towards Yeonjun fearfully "Hyung….we can't…" Yeonjun sighs, looking up to meet Soobin's worried gaze.

_Trust me...I know what I'm doing…'_

The leader could read in those brown orbs "O-oh god!! Really h-hyung?!?" Beomgyu stood on his knees, it was like someone granted him a best wish. 

"Under one condition, he gets properly…buried when this is all over" This statement seems to undo the effect on Beomgyu.

"But—" Yeonjun shoots him stern glare "Choi Beomgyu" He growls in a warning not to push his limits.

Beomgyu gulps, nodding slightly. 

The eldest then pulls him up to sit completely on his lap and cuddle the boy "I'm sorry but….this is better for all us okay? I don't want you or Huening to get hurt" he softly mumbles. 

Soobin can barely process anything, has he lost his touch as leader already? He walks over to check on Hueningkai, the youngest is nowhere in the hallways.

He checks Taehyun's room only to see Hyuka sitting on the bedside, the closest he's ever been to Taehyun since then. 

He was talking to him, the boy who left home too early that has grown so much over the past few years looked so small, so innocent with his whole figure hunched as if he was trying to make himself look smaller.

Hueningkai reaches to hold Taehyun's cold hand, shuddering at how lifeless it feels.

"Hey Tyun, you're always the smarter one between both of us haha…you always know just what to do or….what to say…..it's-it's tough right now. And we gotta go soon and I know…..I know...we can't stay here forever…...and….and I know….I'll have to say….goodbye….eventually ...." his hands press Taehyun's, as if he was trying to find a pulse.

"B-but haha…..I don't know...how? Goodbyes are hard…..scary…..permanent when…..when I know I won't get to…..see you again...even if it was just like this…...even if I know right now this….this isn't you anymore…..but...I...I...could you….teach me how to say it? Just one last time…one last lesson from m-my Tyunnie….teach me how to say goodbye to you…..forever?" 

Soobin's heart aches at the maknae's words, he covered his mouth to hold back a sob. He backs away from the door and walks towards another room.

He shouldn't interfere with such an intimate moment between two maknaes. 

In the hall, Yeonjun is still cuddling with Beomgyu. The younger is likely falling asleep on his hyung's lap. Soobin sat on the cold floor of the empty room alone, a middle between two sides, feeling unwelcome on both.

Soobin leans back and lay down on the cold tile floor, his eyes blankly gazing at the ceiling.

 _'Some leader I am…’_ He thought to himself when he recalls how broken the team has become in matters of months.

His nightmares woke him up extra early the next day, 3 seconds in and he concludes that someone had dragged him to Taehyun's room and he is laid next to a shaking Beomgyu who is fearfully crying in his unease slumber.

He inches closer and hugs the boy, patting his back and coo-ing assurance at the blond dancer. 

Beomgyu took a few minutes to settle down and stir awake, "H-hyu-h-hyung?" Soobin hums along, pecking the younger's face with kisses how Yeonjun would've done.

"I'm here, Gyu…hyung is here" Beomgyu whimpered, he snuggles up deeper into Soobin, basking in the leader's warmth. 

"Where's... Y-yeonjun hyung..?" Soobin felt a sting when the younger asked for the eldest, but personal feelings be damned right now.

He raises his head and spots Yeonjun's blue hair peeking from the edge of the mattress Taehyun is on. 

Hyuka and Yeonjun are sleeping on the mattress with Taehyun in between them.

A normal sight and occurrence if it were a couple months back, Soobin gets up with Beomgyu still entangled with him and goes to wake the other two up "Hey, wake up. We gotta move soon"

Hueningkai stared at the mirror, outside the bathroom he heard Soobin and Yeonjun shouting out loud their checklist while loading their stuff.

There were almost no zombies in this area, so it was easy to hotwire a bigger car. His reflection glares back at him.

A cap, his yellow hoodie (the one Taehyun managed to scavenge) and now he needs to figure out what to do with this irritating long hair.

He could cut it but he remembers Taehyun complimenting the outgrown hair (the exact day before he got bitten and died) and he can't bring himself to do it.

_"I think….it'll look cool in a bun...don't you think Hyuka?"_

Hueningkai takes a deep breath, he pulls out a hairband from his pocket and pulls up his tuffs of brown together.

Once done, he looked into the mirror, a bitter smile on his lips "You are always right…."

"Hyuka, um….we're going now" Soobin calls out to him. Hueningkai scoffs, and brushes past Soobin without looking at the leader.

He arrives next to Taehyun's unmoving body and slowly picks him up, he carefully adjusts so that Taehyun's face leans into his neck as carries him bridle style, he paused for a second, trying to push away the fact the person in his arms is a corpse, pretending it was just Taehyun but asleep.

Wouldn’t that be easier? To simply pretend he is only asleep, a deep slumber like Sleeping Beauty.

Hueningkai places Taehyun in the car seat, letting his head rest against the window "Will it be okay for him to….stay like that" Soobin asks. 

"It's fine, I got it." Hueningkai muttered, fixing the seat belt on so that Taehyun is secured in place.

He got in the car and sat next to Taehyun, adjusting Taehyun’s hoodie to cover most of his head.

Beomgyu helped Yeonjun into the passenger seat first, he was a little better now, he ran back in to help Soobin pile their supplies into the newly hotwire Hyundai. 

They filled the last row, with a variety of snacks and water bottles while gallons of petrol are tucked in the bunker.

Beomgyu sat next to Hueningkai, Soobin hop into the driver’s seat and they were off.

Normally, it would take about four hours of continuous drive to get to Busan, but since they will be avoiding most main roads and highways, it might take them two more extra hours on the road, at least. 

The silence is almost eerie, as they drive through small colonies of houses or towns and see Zombies crawling about. They were chased for a little while when they crossed those but the zombies could never keep up with a car’s speed.

Even so, Hueningkai could feel himself clenching the bat in his hands each time he feels Soobin speeds up to lose those creatures.

Beomgyu kept his gaze to the phone in his hand, they don’t have service but the other functions still work well.

He scrolls through notes, finding random lyrics ideas here and there, practice reminders, lessons reminders, homework lists and even short personal diaries.

He mindlessly scrolls through them, thinking he could try and reconnect himself with his old life.

But never could. 

Yeonjun however hooked up his phone to the radio, he browsed through his phone for songs. His finger hovered above _‘Crown’_ , hesitating before pushing play.

But as Taehyun’s ad libs were the first thing to be heard after the series of morse code, Hueningkai suddenly yelled at him to turn it off.

He had both ears covered, it was too much.

Having Taehyun’s body next to him for so long, pretending he wasn’t exactly dead, and now hearing his voice again?

The voice he had missed for the past week? Hueningkai hunches as he starts to regret it, he couldn’t handle this.

It was a bad idea, they shouldn't have-

“Can we switch spots?” He asks Beomgyu, the slightly elder boy did not mutter a word, simply moving and shifting their positions.

Beomgyu puts down his phone and goes back to gaze blankly out of the window, slowly leaning to rest his head on Taehyun’s shoulder.

Yeonjun sighs, is it even okay for him to even play any of their songs?

He peeks from the rear window that Hyuka tosses his hood over his head, burying himself into the car seat. He scrolls some more till he comes across another song. 

**Magic Island {Demo by Yeonjun and Soobin}**

He feels his own breath hitched, it was one of the songs they were planning to put on their first comeback album. When he first listened to it, he nearly cried. He was sure Taehyun had heard it too but not Beomgyu and Hueningkai.

With a bated breath, he presses play. Letting the nostalgic tune play out. He smiled a little when he heard Soobin’s gasp.

**_“byeoldeuldo jame deun i bam_ **

**_(This night where even the stars have fallen asleep)_ **

**_iksukhago nasseon i gang_ **

**_(This river that is familiar and unfamiliar)_ **

**_jaetbiche doshireul neomeoga_ **

**_(Passing over the ashen city)”_ **

He sees Hueningkai moving, the maknae sitting up at the melody. Beomgyu looked slightly surprised, it was so long ago since he heard Yeonjun’s singing.

It was calm, gentle, and so much different than the Yeonjun he knows now. 

_“ **hollo nal gidarin geolkka?**_

**_(Did you wait alone for me?)_ **

**_uriye seotuldeon yaksokgwa bimiri shijakdwen jageun seom_ **

**_(The small island where our fumbling promises and Secrets began)_ _”_**

Hueningkai leans forward, somehow entranced by the song, the sentimental melody and lyrics hitting him hard in the feels.

It wasn’t Taehyun’s voice, but the very fact it was a song they would have sung together as a team, a song so pretty like this made him emotional. 

**_“gieokhae? neowa nae byeore norae_ **

**_(I remember the song of your star and mine)_ **

**_geu ane urin byeorieotji_ **

**_(In that, we were stars)_ **

**_kkumeuro bitnadeon geu mellodi_ **

**_(That melody that shone as a dream)_ **

**_itji marajwo yeongwonhi_ **

**_(Please don’t forget it always)_ _”_**

Beomgyu leans back till his back hits the car seat, his hearts beat faster with each second.

The memories of the life they had before, the ones the pieces of knick knacks in his phone could not trigger came flooding his mind.

Memories of late night practices, celebrating their debut, nights of sleeping together in practice rooms.

Memories of Taehyun who is still smiling in those times.

_“ **i goseun uriye start line**_

**_(This place is our start line)_ **

**_uriye start line_ **

**_(Our start line)_ **

**_hamkke bon geu nare starlight_ **

**_(That day’s starlight that we saw together)_ **

**_geu bameul ijeumyeon andwae_ **

**_(Can’t forget that night)_ **

**_i goseul ijeumyeon andwae_ **

**_(Can’t forget this place)”_ **

“This clearing is nice…..maybe…..we can stop here” It's an endless field of green and flowers, not a single zombie in sight as if the area was untouched by its horror.

The road cuts through it nicely, a beautiful sight.

Soobin parks the car, he carefully scans the area before getting out, baffled at how truly magnificent the scenery is despite what had happened over the past month.

“It’s really pretty” Beomgyu comments, he turns around to see Hyuka and Beomgyu supporting Yeonjun to stand.

The four boys look around in awe, “Taehyunnie would’ve loved this” Yeonjun blurts out with a small smile.

Surprisingly Hueningkai chuckled, “Yeah…..he would’ve not wanted to leave, Taehyun does like pretty things….this suits him”

Beomgyu swallowed a lump at the indication of Hueningkai’s words, but found no means in himself to protest, because every word is true.

“Here……..it’s perfect isn’t it? For Hyunnie?” Yeonjun asks no one in particular. Soobin sighs, he looks over at the two younger boys, Hueningkai did not avoid his gaze for once.

The younger hesitantly nods, lips wobbly as if he might burst into tears, Soobin wants to reach out and hug him but decides against it.

“Okay then” he muttered, he goes back to the car to get a shovel. The other two placed Yeonjun down to sit on the grass near where Soobin is starting to dig.

Hueningkai goes to the leader to offer his help but Soobin insists, “It’s alright I got this, you…...get Taehyun '' the maknae stiffens at the order but did it anyway.

Beomgyu goes around picking white flowers and Yeonjun is eyeing the area with a gun ready in his hand. 

As always, he put extra care in handling the other. Seeing as it was his last time ever to hold Taehyun like this in his arms, he took his time walking over.

Each step almost rhythmic to the tune of Magic Island, he looks down at Taehyun’s face.

Those lids that will never open again to show the prettiest eyes he’s ever seen in his life.

_“ **gyeolguk mulgeopumi dwelkka**_

**_(Will it eventually come to nothing)_ **

**_kkumdo da chueogi dwelkka_ **

**_(Will all the dreams also become memories)_ **

**_pyoryuga dweeobeorin i hanghae_ **

**_(Towards the one that has gone adrift)_ _”_**

A pretty face, with pretty eyes and his pretty voice, and he’ll rest here forever in this pretty place.

Hueningkai nearly stumbles in his steps, a silent trail of tears slowly slips down, everything is a bitter reminder that he has to say goodbye, but he doesn’t know if he’s ready to say goodbye.

He laid Taehyun down on the grass next to the hole, Yeonjun crawled over and began to caress his face with his finger. He bit his lips to keep himself from crying, for now at least.

It wasn’t easy to say _‘Lets have his burial here where if any of us make it out of here alive, we may not find this place again to visit’_ but it was hitting harder for him to accept this was it.

“You’ll love it here….” He breathes out. Tracing his fingers all over Taehyun's face, memorizing each subtle feature on his face.

Cherishing every last second of before he'll never see this face, touch these cheeks or kiss this forehead ever again. 

This is truly, their goodbye, their send off, the end of the line with Kang Taehyun.

Beomgyu gathers all of the flowers in one spot, he then crawls over to hug Taehyun one last time. “I miss you so much, I love you Taehyunnie, my baby brother” he mumbles out all the words he could never say the day he found out the truth.

Soobin was quite fast, he finished quickly and sat down panting. He watches the others give their last goodbyes, crying and wailing how much they love Taehyun.

It was almost like Taehyun’s death happened just seconds before, not nearly a week ago.

It made him realize just how much denial they were in the whole time.

But they have to learn how to let go right? Hueningkai lifts the body up, before he lowers it down into place, he gives Taehyun one last kiss on the forehead.

This is it, he’s saying goodbye. 

_**“utneun beobeul ijeun deuthae** _

**_(It’s as if I’ve forgotten how to smile)_ **

**_hwesaek hyeonshire kkeute_ **

**_(At the end of a grey reality)_ **

**_tto eodumi nal bureul ttae_ **

**_(When the darkness calls me again)_ ** _”_

None of them take their eyes off of the younger boy now placed deep into the ground, Beomgyu starts to finally break down completely, his cries were painful and hysterical.

Hueningkai’s own resistance breaks, falling apart in his own shambles of sadness as Soobin carefully covers up the hole. Yeonjun watches in silence with tears soaked cheeks.

“I love you!! I love you Taehyun!! HYUNG WILL ALWAYS LOVE AND REMEMBER YOU TAEHYUN AH!!!” Beomgyu kept on screaming, Hyuka fell onto his knees burying his face into his hands as he tried to muffle out his own screams.

Letting go every last ounce of emotion he suppressed. 

Once the hole is covered. Soobin sat down and started to cover up the patch of dirt with the flowers Beomgyu collected.

For him, he didn’t cry a single tear no matter how much his heart ached, no matter how much this pains him with every action.

No, it wasn’t that he didn't want to, but he simply couldn’t.

As Taehyun’s leader, hyung, and friend for the last time, he’ll be strong for him, it’s the least he could do.

Once it was all over, Soobin goes to help Yeonjun stand and leads him back to the car, he repeats the same process with Beomgyu.

However, Hueningkai picks himself up and wipes away his tears now alone with the patch of white petal covered spot.

Soobin hovered behind him, unsure how to approach the youngest.

He raises an eyebrow when Hueningkai moves to remove his cap and drop it on the pile of flowers.

“Goodbye Taehyun…..I’ll always remember you, always” and he turns around and jogs back to the car without looking back, walking past Soobin in a heartbeat.

Deep down, the second eldest is proud of the maknae, finally learning to let go. The skies are starting to darken, they were here for so long.

Soobin spared one last glance “Goodbye Taehyun, until we meet again...on the other side…...wait for us yeah…?” he muttered and rushes back to the car, starts the engine and drives away. 

They didn't dare look back, on forward.

But they each promised themselves, Taehyun will continue to live on in their memories.

As a constant, never forgotten. 

**_“gieokhae? igose itteon uri_ **

**_(I remember us who were at this place)_ **

**_geunare urin byeorieotji_ **

**_(In that day, we were stars)_ **

**_i seome namgyeonoeun jageun norae_ **

**_(The small song left behind at this island)_ **

**_itji marajwo yeongwonhi_ **

**_(Please don’t forget it always)_ _”_**

Hueningkai is in the passenger seat this time, Yeonjun and Beomgyu are both asleep in the back snuggled up to each other with dried tears on their cheeks.

The sun is beginning to set, Hueningkai would occasionally take a bite out of the bread in his hands, not surprised everything tastes like cardboard to him.

Soobin kept his eyes on the road, but the silence is getting suffocating. Plus, he really wants to sort things out with Hyuka.

“You…...missed him?” he suddenly asks, cursing at himself internally for being so blunt.

The youngest scoffs, and rips the bread into two pieces “Like hell i am….” and shoves one into his mouth.

“Sorry…...it’s just….nevermind” Soobin quickly shuts himself up before he could potentially worsen the situation.

Hueningkai swallowed and added “He’s really gone for good……but he always has, hasn’t he? Ever since that day, he was long gone. We just….never wanted to accept it-”

He looked out the window, watching the sky look so gloomy and melancholic to his view. The city he was living in was once so beautiful. “—but just seeing him finally buried was like, our very last goodbye to each other…..” 

The car was so cold from the A/C that the windows fogged up a little, Hueningkai leans in and writes the word _‘FOREVER TOGETHER’_ with the tip of his fingers on the freezing cold perspek glass.

He sighs sadly “....and we will never see him again , ever…” he wipes the word away with one stoke of his hand.

Soobin chose to not intrude, perhaps Hueningkai hasn’t completely let go of this part of his life.

He understands, it’s never easy, so he listens. Letting Hueningkai pour out his train of thoughts as they drive into the night.

“Why didn’t you cry? Back there?” 

Soobin jerks his head to the side “Huh?” Good god, he’s finally talking to him.

“Everyone cried…..except you...why?” he doesn’t know why this question annoyed him. Hueningkai has been a brat to him all because he couldn’t keep his mental state in tact when Taehyun actually died, now he’s questioning why he hadn’t at the burial? 

“I had enough of crying. Right from the beginning, if you want me to cry blood, I really would’ve. But to do it again, it's like adding salt to a nearly healed wound. All that? it’s already numbing for me. Yeah, it’s painful, it hurts, but the tears don’t come. Besides, Taehyun doesn’t like it when I cry, he gets sad too” it started off with a bit of sarcasm but his tone eventually then out into monotone.

He shakes his head and relaxed himself while continuing to drive.

Hueningkai bites his lips, his fingers fidgeting as he doesn't know what to say, their relationship is already so unstable.

There is guilt lingering in Hueningkai for how harsh he treated Soobin, it is so disrespectful of him and he knows it. 

Soobin is his favorite hyung, the big brother he wished to have other than his sisters.

It was so fun back then, and now look what happened, it's so awkward already, the atmosphere around them is getting more and more harder to breathe in.

It's not their fault for getting into a fight with each other, it's not his fault for being mad at Soobin who is only trying to cope with his trauma of putting an end to their closest friend, he had been helpless the entire time Soobin was unresponsive, he was left on his own to deal with Taehyun’s passing. 

It's not even Soobin’s fault who chose to shoot, he had only wanted to protect him.

And it is also not Taehyun's fault for getting bit and hiding the wound because he was afraid of Soobin’s reaction, he didn't want Soobin to think he's a failure. 

That, Hyuka remembered. Taehyun DOESN’T WANT Soobin to blame himself.

Taehyun personally told him that, how stupid he was for not remembering his best friend’s wishes.

Hyuka lashed out on Soobin, giving him the cold shoulders, and ignoring him like a total petty ass brat for a few days. He groans in his seat, Soobin did not question him.

He doesn't understand how Soobin had felt, to be in his place to shoot his friend from turning.

How would he cope if it was him? He doesn't know, because he never experienced it.

He nearly had to, but Soobin took that fall for him, which ended up with his mental and emotional state in extreme shambles . 

How hard was it for Soobin to get that picture out of his head? with the gun in his hand, witnessing the very front view of someone's head, someone he loves getting shot and knowing he pulled the trigger.

Hueningkai shuddered, all this time, he had been so selfish. 

But at the end of the day, it's the damn virus that caused all this catastrophe.

He doesn't know who, what or how it started it, but those tiny microorganisms is the fault of them breaking apart, to lose one of their stars.

“I’m sorry hyung” he says to Soobin out of the blue, “I shouldn't have….treated you that way, I’m sorry it was wrong and petty of me. I hope you can forgive me Soobin hyung” It came so suddenly that Soobin is gawking as he drives.

“Oh Hyuka…..it’s okay. None of us are in our right minds….of course I forgive you….it’s okay” Hueningkai nods along, Soobin now wears a small smile.

_“ **gieokhae? igose itteon uri**_

**_(I remember us who were at this place)_ **

**_geunare urin byeorieotji_ **

**_(In that day, we were stars)_ **

**_i seome namgyeonoeun jageun norae_ **

**_(The small song left behind at this island)_ **

**_itji marajwo yeongwonhi_ **

**_(Please don’t forget it always)_ _”_**

**_“Start line_ **

**_neowa nae island_ **

**_(Your and my island)_ **

**_mabeobeul shijakhae right now_ **

**_(Begin the magic right now)_ **

**_ireumeul ijeumyeon andwae_ **

**_(Can’t forget the name)_ **

**_mabeobi pulliji anke_ **

**_(So that the magic won’t be undone)_ " **


	7. Who You?

“-ke up!! Hyung!! Soobin hyung!! Wake up!!” Soobin groans, the voice is so loud, shouting at him repeatedly as he felt a pair of hands cupping his face and tapping his cheeks.

“Hyung!! Soobin hyung!! Wake up! Wake up!!! Hyuka is in trouble!!” Soobin blinks away the darkness, vision slowly clearing up.

_'Just who the hell is screaming-'_

Taehyun.

He saw Taehyun, face full of worry and panic but so warm and _alive_. Those pupils were shining with colour and his skin was not deadly pale, his hands on Soobin’s cheeks were warm. Taehyun is here, he’s not dead. 

Soobin is pulled up to his feet in an instant, feeling the handle of his makeshift scythe in his hands. What is happening? How is Taehyun-

“Hyung!! We gotta go!! Hyuka is in trouble!” Taehyun exclaims, pulling him by the hand. It was still quite fuzzy for him, he glanced around trying to absorb information that was rapidly thrown at him. It was that mall, where he hadn’t known Taehyun got bitten.

Where everything started to go wrong.

 _‘Was all of that a dream?’_ he thought to himself, “I saw you hit your head and passed out, but I managed to hide us but then I heard Hyuka screaming-” Taehyun explains as they run through endless rows of shop lots.

Maybe Taehyun would find it weird that he is currently smiling a little, with his eyes brimming with tears, but Taehyun didn’t point it out.

He has no idea how much Soobin wants to simply pull him into and embrace, feel his heartbeat that would stand to him as proof he was still alive. That Soobin hadn't lost him yet. 

They found Hueningkai beating away a small group of zombies, they were much slower than the usuals they tend to run into. Taehyun takes a deep breath, he raises his hockey stick and charges into the fight, Soobin close behind him. The three worked together and bashed each zombie to the ground.

Hueningkai later drops to his knees panting in exhaustion, “Let’s get out of here” he mumbled n between unsteady breaths, “Yeah, let’s go-” before Taehyun could finish his sentence a zombie chomps down on his shoulder from the back.

"ARRRRGHHHH!!!!"

Soobin feels his heart stopping all over again, “TAEHYUN!!!” Hueningkai swings his bat and kills it off instantly. 

Taehyun falls to the floor, clutching his shoulder as he began to shake and gag in pain. Blood soaking through his hoodie in seconds. A thin black line trails up to his neck from the bite through his veins, the virus taking over him much faster this time. 

Taehyun gasps when Huneingkai pulls his head to lay on the maknae’s lap. “Hey…. hey...Taehyun no..no Please….Please no” Soobin only stood there, unable to move. Heart drumming wildly, had he failed again?

So quickly? Taehyun was _just there_ , he was okay but…but....

“TAEHYUN AH!!!!” Came Beomgyu’s loud scream, the younger runs towards them with Yeonjun on his back. He drops the elder down and crawls over hands gently hovering where Taehyun had got bitten.

“Taehyun oh my god...no no….Taehyun…” he wails, but Taehyun’s eyes dart towards Soobin, a pleading glint in those orbs.

“Hy-Hyung….you...have...to….kill me…quick…..” His small strained voice managed to say, Soobin staggered back. "Taehyun…..Taehyun….no no…..you can't…" Hueningkai had pressed his hands on the wound, his hand coated in Taehyun's crimson blood, the maknae crying helplessly for something to save his best friend.

Soobin couldn't breathe, Taehyun's words ringing out loud in his head. "Please hyung…...you…have to…." Soobin's hand slowly raised, but where the hell did the gun come from?! "Soobin!! Soobin ah!!" Was that Yeonjun? He can't tell.

"I….I can't do this!!! _I can't do this again!!_ " Taehyun looked at him with so much despair before his eyes rolled to the back of his head.

At lightning speed, Hueningkai snatches the gun from Soobin and barrels it Taehyun, his innocent eyes full of horror "I'm sorry Tyunnie, I love you" and pulls the trigger.

***BANG* "SOOBIN WAKE UP!!!"**

Soobin jolts up awake, nearly hitting his head to the car roof. He was sweating and breathing heavily, the sound of rain hitting metal greets him once more, the world around him dark exclude the faint light from Yeonjun's phone that is on his lap. 

The elder's face is inches away, his hands cupping Soobin's face as he wears a worried look. "Hey….hey…..it's alright...you're okay….it's just a nightmare…" Yeonjun softly soothes him, one hand goes to wipe away the tears that managed to escape the leader's eyes. 

They are still in the car, he is in the backseat with the eldest hyung while the two younger boys are in the front. Hueningkai had offered to take over the driving after a couple occurrence of Soobin suddenly stopping the car or driving off road because he thought he saw Taehyun. 

"He is hallucinating due to the lack of sleep" was what Yeonjun had said, so they switched seats. But how can he sleep?

How can he sleep if each time he closes his eyes, there's another version of how he failed Taehyun in his mind?

Soobin's pants slowly evens out, an arm tossed across his face in frustration. If he can't sleep then he is not allowed to drive. Yeonjun obviously can't and Beomgyu is still far too jumpy for them to let him drive. He can't possibly let Hyuka drive the whole way there. 

Soobin lets his hand fall to look at the front seats, he sees the maknae sleeping, his head resting on the steering wheel with his face scrunched up, Beomgyu too is shifting around in his slumber, little droplets of sweat forming. It seems none of them are getting proper sleep. 

Yeonjun sighs, "You better?" Soobin nods, head tilting to the side in utter exhaustion, eyeing the rain outside pouring down, unaffected by the tragedy.

How nice must it be, to be something that is constantly there whether in good times or bad and yet never feel the change.

"I can't sleep" he muttered grumpily, "Who can? Beomgyu already woke up like 6 times in the last….2 hours? and it'll take one feather tap on the shoulder to wake Hyuka up." Soobin hums, a little sad he can't do anything to bring comfort to the younger boys. "What about you hyung?" 

Yeonjun chuckles at that, a sad grin on his face "Oh I can't even close my eyes. I am not putting myself through that bullshit, sleep be damned" He was trying to look cool with his fake smug grin and slightly lifting his chin up and his puffed out chest that Soobin had to laugh, he looks stupid, so stupidly broken its so sad yet so hilarious to Soobin.

 _'Ah...I'm going crazy'_ He thought to himself.

"Ya…..you should laugh more. I missed it" Yeonjun said instead of the usual _'Stop laughing or I'll bust your kneecaps'_ one liner. "Hyung….you want me to laugh...at your misery?" the other only continues to grin "If that's what it takes…..I mean look at us? What we are all becoming, doesn't it feel like someone pressed restart? I can't even believe this Hyuka is…. _Hyuka_ ….."

Yeonjun pauses before continuing some more "Almost like we're strangers again….but not really? I can't explain it" Soobin lets those words sink in, in a way….it did feel like that. He inspected the elder’s leg that had been tightly fastened with his ripped pants, the color of the crimson stains already turned spoiled.

“Hyung, you stink,” he blurted out. The blue haired slack-jawed by the response, he tries not to laugh because Beomgyu and Hueningkai are sleeping. Yeonjun elbowed Soobin’s arm that almost made him choke in pain. The tall boy covered his mouth before he let out a noise that will disturb their maknaes’ trance.

“Hyung-” he whispered but Yeonjun just smirked at him. Telling the boy that he deserves that knock for disrespecting his hyung in a playful way.

“I thought you’re going to say something emotional,” Yeonjun chuckled while relaxing on his seat. He glanced back at his dongsaeng who rubbed his arm that Yeonjun whack, “How dare you~” the elder gleefully continued. 

Soobin smile along, god, it’s been that long to have a pleasant feeling within him. However, he is still concerned about his hyung’s disfigured wound. “Hyung, I’m telling you the truth, maybe change to new pants for your leg?” he persuaded.

Yeonjun groaned and almost slid down off the backseat, Soobin quickly held his hyung and pushed back to comfortable lumbar support.

“The clothes are already badly stained. Don’t want those virus side effects to severely damage your leg, hyung.” Yeonjun only gave him a grim look “Nothing will happen, I’m fine Bin” he finally says once he sees Soobin is still looking at him for a reply.

There was a long silence between them, the rain starting to clear up, shadowy figures of zombies moving outside are more visible. Soobin sighs, closing his eyes again and tries to sleep, Yeonjun sadly watches him, wondering if there was anything he could do to help.

_“Taoleuneun taeyang alae jilcheog-imyeo nog-agane hoesaegbich-ui bilding sup_

_Kkeut-i eobsneun gimalgosa dwicheog-imyeo jam mos deuneun jaesbich dosiui so-eum_

**_(Underneath the blazing sun, it’s sticky and melting, the thicket of grey buildings The neverending final exams, the din of the grey city that tosses and turns, unable to sleep)”_ **

Soobin breathes sharply at the familiar song, Yeonjun’s soft singing suddenly fills the car. It was weird how all these songs that felt special once upon a time, something they will always be singing out loud whenever they want or performing dedicatedly on stage. 

Now these words and melodies serve as a reminder of loss, that the life before the apocalypse is gone, a sad reminder of who they were and what they no longer are, yet it gives them a sense of comfort, an anchor to their thoughts. 

_“nunape pyeolchyeojin geon uyutbit eunhasu_

_pieonan geumbit gyejeol like our summer_

_eodie isseodo eotteon gyejeoredo_

_uriga hamkkeramyeon feel like summer_

**_(Spread before your eyes is the ivory Milky Way_ **

**_Blooming gold season, like our summer_ **

**_No matter where you are, no matter what season_ **

**_If we're together, feel like summer)”_ **

* * *

“Are you sure about this?” Beomgyu asks, he glances around the place. He wasn’t sure how to feel about this, they should get going but Soobin and Hueningkai wanted to see if they could gather more food plus they are almost out of clean water too.

The abandoned store is eerily empty from the outside, Soobin and Hueningkai are peeking in to see if there are any of the undead in it.

Yeonjun managed to move himself to the passenger seat from the back seat, gun in hand as always with his eyes constantly scanning the area, Beomgyu is outside the car looking back and forth from one end of the street to another.

“I think….I saw one or maybe two back there…..see it?” Hueningkai points at the moving shadows near the staff room door. “Too bad, we’ll just find someplace else-”

“No, we can take them” Hueningkai argues, he clenches the bat in his hand tightly “I don’t think we should take such a risk” Soobin reasoned. “It’ll save time, plus we can get out of here as soon as possible. Look, they got their back facing us too”

Soobin shakes his head frustratedly, “Fine, but be careful!” 

“Excuse me what?! You can’t go in there! You said those things are in there!!” Beomgyu cried out loud, but the two others had already stepped in, taking conscious steps. The zombies are only able to see, so with their backs turned, Hueningkai creeps up to them easily bash all three without much of a problem with one swing. 

“You crazy brat!!” Beomgyu shouts at him, he sprints across the shop and latches onto Hueningkai fearfully “I’m fine hyung!! Oh god, please!! They didn’t even get a chance to attack me” Soobin sighs, he looks over to Yeonjun outside, the eldest gave him a thumbs up to keep going. 

“Can we…..grab ice cream?” Beomgyu asks as he rummages through the freezers, “If they’re not spoiled then why not?” Soobin nods along at him, the blond boy smiled in delight and drags the maknae over to choose the flavours. Soobin giggles to himself, seeing them like this felt like a new breath of air. 

“I’m just gonna go check back here….” he announces but wasn’t surprised when both boys did not even spare him a glance. He ventures into the backrooms a little more, finding the storage room with various boxes of goods, Soobin hurls one box filled with ramen cups off the shelf. 

He nearly screamed and fell on his back when the sight of a rotten flesh greets him from the other side. The zombie flings itself through the shelf to tackle him but Soobin dodges it just in time, with his heart beating so fast he swings his weapon and crushes it’s skull with the undead being was still trying to get up from the failed crash.

He wants to get out of there right away, the box of ramen completely forgotten until he heard something, whimpers, soft and chopped. The sound quickly turned into quiet crying, if it weren’t for its familiar pattern of cries, Soobin would’ve left and there.

But he knew what kind of crying it was, it was a child’s. 

Now, the very thought of a child, alive, not infected in this room and most of all in this heavily deserted town is all sorts of impossible to Soobin.

But if the child is crying, that means he or she did not turn or has yet to turn right? Soobin contemplates, should he go and look where the crying is coming from? 

He was still quite shaken by that zombie from before, Soobin hopes to god there are no more surprises waiting for him behind this shelf. _‘Oh god….’_ he grew tense at the view he was met with, a lady around her thirties probably, is leaning against a cupboard….

With a knife stuck into her neck…...with her own hand.

There’s a patch of dried blood, Soobin closes his nose at the awful smell, she was left like this for awhile. Her abdomen had a horrid gash and up to her neck, Soobin could see the sign she was infected with how her veins are black. She killed herself to stop herself from turning into those things. 

The crying is coming from inside the cupboard. This whole scenario feels so…….dejavu. Soobin carefully moves the body, he pushes it aside and place boxes to cover it from view, his instincts telling him whatever or rather, whoever it is inside would be better off not seeing her that way.

Soobin wasn’t sure why he was so nervous, but he breathes out one more time and pulls the handle.

Small, fluffy dark hair, teary big and round deep brown orbs with the most frightened look ever on his face.

Soobin gasps, taking three steps back and shakes his head furiously, _‘No way….no no...this isn’t real…..this isn’t real….’_ he wants to turn his heel and bolt, runs back to the car and never looks back.

But that fear stricken face started to scrunch up and cry, and it looked so real, so similar it’s scaring the heck out of Soobin.

The child keeps on crying, his tears creating wet blots on the already messy and slightly bloodied clothes. Soobin takes a deep breath, mostly just to calm himself and moves closer, the child seems to stop crying but Soobin can tell (He wasn’t sure, he is still deciding if this whole thing isn’t another nightmare) that the child somewhat trusts him for some reason but still kept his defence.

“S-Soobin hy-hyungnim…?” Taehyu- _No_ , the child speaks up, Soobin gasps at the voice, he was one movement away from flinching away. This boy, this small boy he found in the cupboard crying, this boy that has Taehyun’s pretty eyes, Taehyun’s cute lips and nose.

This boy who looked like he walked out of Taehyun’s childhood photo album knows his name. 

“Y-you….know me?” he reaches to touch, he wants a confirmation, a guarantee that this isn’t another sick dream his mind is projecting. Soobin feels the dam in his eyes threatens to combust when he feels those wet warm cheeks,

“Ye-yes….my s-sister loves to...watch your group” a Moa’s little brother. 

Soobin gently guides him out of the cupboard and carries him off the floor, he hugs the seemingly 7 year old boy as he bites down on his lips to not cry. He feels the boy slowly calm down, “Are you….hurt anywhere?” he feels the smaller one shakes his head.

Soobin walks slowly, the situation is still so surreal. 

“No…..where is my mommy?” 

_Oh_

So that's who that woman is, Soobin's footsteps come to halt. He tensed at the question thrown by the newcomer, how is he going to explain this? The pool of red is still present, the little boy was staring at it almost knowingly. Soobin takes a deep breath and continues to walk again, this time, adjusting the child so that he would not look at it. . 

“Umm, your mommy uh…” scratch head, how should he tell this to this child? Imagine how horrifying it is to see his own mother die in front of his eyes.

Would he just cover the kid’s eyes and avoid him looking at his mother’s body or...

He brings him out to the front, heart racing faster when the two maknaes are nowhere in sight. "Where are they?!" He rushes to the car, Yeonjun is staring intensely at the shop in front of the one they were previously in. Unaware of the bundle of fluff in Soobin's arms. 

"Hyung-" 

"They're in there. It's a souvenir store-What the?!" Yeonjun nearly cursed out loud when he saw the newcomer. "Soobin…...what…" Yeonjun was half sure he is starting to hallucinate too because, is he tripping or is that child Taehyun in Soobin’s arms?

Yeonjun's heart races, "Yeonjun hyung, are they alright in there?!" but the elder did not respond. The child looked at him wearily, but did not pull his gaze away from the blue haired male. "Hyung, take him I'm gonna-"

"Wait, Soobin you can't just-where do you even find this….kid…?” he watches as Soobin carefully places the little boy in the backseat. “I uh- in the storage room, he-” Soobin whispered to Yeonjun the next part, not letting the kid know about his mom.

“His mother.. She didn’t make it. And he was hiding in the cupboard all this time. I can't just leave him there, alone…"

Yeonjun rubs his temples, looking away as he tries to not freak out “Soob, this kid- he looks _SO familiar_ -”

Soobinhums, the little child looked puzzled but did not utter a word to the adults. “ I get it, hyung...I do too…” but Soobin doesn't.

Soobin doesn't freaking get it, because he wasn't there when he met Taehyun. He wasn't there when small Taehyun came to BigHit, all shy and nervous looking up to Yeonjun like he was some sort of star. Yeonjun remembered that day, Taehyun looked a lot like this, small and innocent. 

He remembers clearly how Taehyun looked like that day, which then reminds him that only yesterday, he watched that face getting buried in dirt. 

And now that innocent face greets him again, as if someone pressed restart.

"Please hyung, just...watch him for a minute, I'm gonna go get the maknaes" Soobin pleads.

"Moa"

Both boys snap their heads at the voice, a shocked expression coated on their faces. "What…..?" They simultaneously mumbled out. The little boy hugs his knees, making himself look smaller than ever.

"My...name...is Moa"

"...Okay…..Moa….stay with Yeonjun hyung for a bit okay?" Moa nods at the leader. Soobin quickly rushes to the store, leaving Yeonjun alone in the car with Moa. "Hey uh….Moa….I'm Yeonjun…" Yeonjun pulls up a forced smile, all he sees is….

_TaehyunTaehyunTaehyunTaehyun_

"I know…...there's also Beomgyu hyung, Hueningkai hyung…...Taehyun hyung…." Yeonjun's breath caught up in his throat. "How did you-?" Oh yeah, they _WERE_ idols….."I like hyung's dance" little Moa said with a small grin. 

_'Oh fuck...oh god….Yeonjun chill….just….breathe in….out….'_ He was spiraling badly in his head. "O-oh...uh….Thank you M-moa" He moves his leg away, not letting the child see him, quite literally could never dance a step again for as long as he lives, he can't even walk without support. 

Yeonjun reaches out, trying to pat Moa’s head, and ruffle his hair, thank the heavens his hand did not tremble. "You are safe with us" he assures the little boy, Moa smiled a little brighter at him. His eyes shine with innocent hope. "Okay Yeonjun hyung"

And for a second there, Yeonjun truly saw Taehyun looking at him. 

* * *

Hueningkai hauls the mini cooler into the car, Yeonjun rolls his eyes at them. "Ice cream? really?" The two maknaes laugh at Yeonjun, this is nice. It felt normal, a little hallowed by an obvious hole but normal nevertheless.

“We thought all the ice creams were gonna melt and get spoiled, but thanks to the electricity that is still running in that store, it’s all good!” said Beomgyu, excitedly taking a bite on his ice cream stick. He then holds it up to Yeonjun’s lips, the elder took a bite and hums at the sweet taste. 

Suddenly, a shiny sign caught the maknae's attention, "Hyung…..come with me for a bit…" He drags Beomgyu with one hand, marching over to the store.

"Hey! What are you-?!" Hueningkai did not bother with Beomgyu's whining, the slightly elder boy nearly dropped his treat. "Oi!! HYUKA!!" Yeonjun called out, a little worried at the sudden shift in Hueningkai’s mood.

"We won't be gone for long!!" shouted back the maknae, Beomgyu linked his arms with Hueningkai, he timidly followed him into the store. It was dimly lit, like all souvenir stores, there's random knick knacks here and there. Beomgyu awed at the many things hanging around.

"Oh look….its...." He lets go of the younger’s hand and padded over to one section of the store.

Badges, pins, little cute notebooks and sticky notes, all of them with various idols faces on them. A majority of those items are their sunbaenims; BTS, Beomgyu picks up one pin with the picture of all seven of them together. Hueningkai had walked over to him, surprised at what Beomgyu had founded.

His gaze dropped when he sees their own stuff, cute little note pads with their smiley faces on the cover from different photoshoot photos. He unconsciously picks one up, particularly the one where Taehyun is in the center. He sees this old them, the innocent ones who only had dreams to perform on stage.

All five of them, bright smiles and cute gestures accompanied by additional decoration. A big _‘TOMORROW X TOGETHER’_ and _‘FIVE STARS OF MOA’S HEART’_ written on it.

Five, they were five, not four.

“Do you think…..hyungs...made it?” Beomgyu suddenly asks, snapping Hueningkai out of his daze. The maknae is now looking at the pin and is hit with the realization, these people…..they all might have…. “I don’t know….I hope so” he thought of the seven kind seniors they had, the few friends from other groups.

Are they still alive?

BTS were in the US when the outbreak happened, doing preparations for their comeback. Hueningkai shudders, the US is where the virus outbreak started. He tries not to think of the nearly impossible reality they might still be alive, he tries not to think of his family.

As far as he knows, China was one of the last standing countries along with Japan, it was one of the last things they knew before communication went down.

Hueningkai is about to step away and look at something else when Beomgyu grabs his arm in alarm, “Do you…….hear that?” The taller boy was confused for a moment, glancing around the place and that’s when he heard it as well. Shuffling, very faint almost inaudible but still present. “It’s…...it’s coming from there…”

Beomgyu points at the cashier counter, that was in front of them, he pulls them away and towards the shelf with plushies. “No….it’s…..no..it’s coming from-SHIT MOVE!!” Hueningkai was quick to yank Beomgyu aside, from under the table where they were looking at idols things, there was a zombie. 

A thin arm with flesh rotting from it weakly reaches out and nearly caught Beomgyu’s leg, Hueningkai raised his bat and ready to smash the thing to bloody bits but he noticed something strange.

The zombie wasn’t getting up, in fact, it looked like he could not move anything else other than it’s arm. Only breathing until it's grey lifeless eyes’s gaze falls at him, and started to fidget again, startling the maknaes.

The arm reached out weakly, trying to grab the boys but could never.

“Why….is it like that…?” Hueningkai wonders out loud, “How would I know?!? Just kill it!!” Beomgyu screeches, he immediately scans the place to see if there’s more. He took a few steps to look deeper into the store.

The blond’s eyes widen in horror, “Oh my god” 

There’s two more zombies but just as the one in front they did not, or rather could not, react when they saw Beomgyu. Hands twitching to move but unable to, cataract eyes with no sign of life glaring harshly at him.

One sat against the wall, only it’s fingers were moving while ,the other was laid on the floor, completely still but it’s eyeballs staring at Beomgyu almost hungrily.

“Hyuka...let's get out of here” He breathes out, body consumed with fear “I know I know….just…..I was looking for…..something” the younger reasoned, turning his attention away from the kind of dead zombie to the shelf filled with various stuffed animals. Beomgyu groans and looks around for anything useful.

He finds himself some straw ropes, large sharp pairs of scissors and tape along with one piece of metal from a shelf support beam. He begins to craft a weapon of his own, and maybe something for Yeonjun too since the elder can’t always rely on that gun. He makes sure to check on Hyuka every once a while as he pulls on the tape. 

The maknae holds a plushie in his hand, one that is almost an exact replica of his bunny Tobin, a smaller version of it. He holds it in his hand, and hugs it closely, feeling the soft toy squish against his chest. 

He feels nothing

He tried to remember how it felt, the joy and giddiness of having these cute dolls around him or merely holding one. How it easily made him happy and relaxed, how it helped him sleep through those rough trainee days, he thought maybe having them again would help him sleep better now. But even as he hugs the toy, tightly with longing, he feels nothing.

The fears don’t go away, the sadness is still there, this heartache of loss did not lessen, it only grew greater because he remembers Taehyun, he remembers the days they’ll banter about the amount of stuffed animals and dolls he had on his bed and the days he’ll catch Taehyun stealing some of his plushies to cuddle to sleep or to snuggle with when he naps in the practice room.

“Beomgyu! Hueningkai!!” Soobin’s shouts startled them, Beomgyu threw a scissors at the door, barely missing Soobin by an inch. “What the hell hyung?!?” Beomgyu shouts, a heart on his hand as he sags down to the floor feeling like he just had a heart attack.

“What do you mean me?! You nearly hit me with that!!” Soobin too swayed to the door frame by the shock.

“Gotta work on your aim Beomgyu hyung” Hueningkai simply comments, “Whatever just don’t use me as target practice next time!” Soobin exclaims, he sees the Zombies and was ready to sprint and screech but Hueningkai threw a huge plushie at him, stopping him from doing so.

“Chill, it’s….not moving, like…..I think it’s dead? Or at least nearly dead….” he turns his attention back to looking through the various plush toys. “They’re zombies….they ARE dead…” but Soobin could see what he meant by it. The zombies are not attacking them, they sprawled weakly on the floor.

“And what are you guys even doing?! We gotta move quickly and it’ll get dark soon” due to unfortunate circumstances, the 6 hour drive was extended to days. They could not see much in heavy rain and with no functioning light posts, they could not move at all till it was not completely pitch black darkness outside. 

“Yeah yeah I’m done anyways” he swings on the new sligh bag filled with sharp scissors and straw ropes, and holds up his new weapon, he had taped a particularly large pair at the end of the metal piece. Hueningkai managed to stuff a couple of plushies into one bag as well and carried it with him, Soobin did not bat an eye. 

As they marched out of the store, they saw Yeonjun with a huge smile on his face in the car with his neck craning to the back. “Is Yeonjun hyung…..hallucinating too now?” Beomgyu asked worriedly, “Ahh...no...not exactly. It's just that…...if you guys see it….I can at least confirm neither of us are seeing things and this isn't some sick dream” Soobin tells them, making the boys more confused.

They arrived at the car, Hueningkai takes one look into the car and yanks Soobin aside, caging the older male with his frame against the car. His eyes wide with shock and an indescribable feeling.

“You…….saw him too right..? In the...car?” Soobin nods, gently moving to remove Hyuka’s grip on his arms. Beomgyu stared blankly momentarily but opened the door anyway.

“Who are you?” he asked, blunt and boldly. The child shrinks in his seat, “Gyu! He’s just a kid what the hel-heck!?” Yeonjun scolds him, catching himself from cursing in front of the child.

“Why does he look like Taehyun?!” he demands, making the child flinch at his voice, “Beomgyu calm down, what’s gotten into you?” Soobin quickly pulls the blond away while beckoning Hueningkai to go in.

The maknae hesitates, a clear face of _‘I don’t want to be even a mere meter near him’_ on him. Yeonjun groans, “You know what? You’re driving” Hueningkai wordlessly gets in the driver’s seat. Refusing to look at the boy in the back at all cost. Moa awkwardly shifts in his seat, he pulls the white hoodie of the oversized jacket (it was an adult’s) over his head, Yeonjun mentally wowed. 

For a kid his age, he reads the situation very well. But it saddened him to think a child would need to learn to live the way he is. Looking back at Hueningkai who is tense as ever, his grip on the steering wheel tightening with each second. “Kai….hey…it's okay” Hueningkai did not even look at him, only tossing his bag at Yeonjun.

“It stopped being okay ever since Taehyun is gone” he whispers, And Yeonjun knew it’s no use to keep pushing.

“He’s not real, that’s just…..that’s just our heads messing with us right?! He’s not real!!!” Beomgyu cried out, his hands tremble in Soobin’s “We left him....back there...in the flower field…..he shouldn’t be here!!”

Soobin hugs Beomgyu, enveloping him warmly “Hey hey…..it’s...it’s not Tyun….he just looks like him. That’s Moa…” 

Beomgyu made a whining sound, “What?! Are you sure this….this is even real? Are we dreaming? Is this a dream?! Are you okay?! You called him...Moa… are you sure it’s not all of our eyes playing tricks?” His words are starting to worry Soobin, he understands that the lot of them are all in some kind of bad place mentally, but Beomgyu worries him the most.

His reactions and attitude changed a lot after the separation, worsen with Taehyun’s passing. 

There were still instances where Soobin could still see _his_ Beomgyu. But more often than not, the blond boy is a panic, fidgety, incomprehensible mess. He remembers Yeonjun’s words, _“He saved me, but I broke him…”_ is this what he meant? This shattered boy, mentally unstable as he grips onto the last of his sanity.

“It’s okay Gyu….we’ll be okay….”

After a while he manages to coax Beomgyu into the car, with his sitting in between Moa and Beomgyu. “Um, Moa? Are you hungry?” he couldn’t see his face under the huge hood, but the little hands gratefully reached out and accepted the biscuits he was offering. Soobin was honestly glad he was covering his face, truthfully, even though he could not handle it.

“Soobin hyung….” the little child spoke minutes later, Beomgyu made a whining noise. _‘He even sounds like him….fuck….’_ the dance thought. “Yes…?” Moa slightly pulls on the hood so he could make eye contact with the leader, Soobin wants immediately wants him to pull it back down. 

He can’t look up to him like that, it’s too much, too much like Taehyun.

But he didn’t, he only smiled a small smile and gazes down on the child, trying hard not to look away. “Um…..I see…..all the hyungs are here…..but…..” Soobin raise an eyebrow, gently nodding his head to tell him to continue. He didn’t think it would be that question though.

“Where is Taehyun hyung?”

There was a sudden screech of tires, Hueningkai stopped the car at the edge of the currently empty road and storms out of the car with his bat. Beomgyu stumbles out after him, teeth sinked into the skin of his hand to suppress his sceams.

He races after Hueningkai, the younger now sitting at the edge of the road, in attempt to force himself not to break down crying.

Moa, now frightened and very scared shuts up, Yeonjun at the front could not even utter a word to him or anyone. In fact, he wanted to leave the car too, if not for his leg, he would’ve. Soobin paused momentarily, the air knocked out of his lungs at the question. 

“I-I’m sorry, I didn’t m-mean to upset h-hyungs..” the little one quickly apologizes, “No no...it’s fine….we just….hyungs are …..still…...very sad….about it” Soobin manages to word out, “Taehyunnie…..he is….in pretty place now” Moa looks at him, those eyes that should’ve been filled with innocence resonates with understanding. 

“Like mommy? I know you tried to hide her, but….I saw her….she…is my mom with Taehyun hyung then?” Yeonjun breathes in sharply, these kinds of things, they aren’t supposed to be said by a child. Soobin shakily nods, “It’s good then…...I’m sorry I asked….it’s because…..Taehyun hyung is my favorite…...i hope hyungs not mad at me” 

“No! Oh god no, it’s..okay...you don’t have to say sorry” Soobin assures him, he slowly reaches out to pull the small boy onto his lap and hugs him, Moa hesitantly puts his little arms around Soobin.

The leader closes his eyes shut, holding himself back from squishing the child in his embrace, reminding himself again and again since he found the child.

_This is not Taehyun this is not Taehyun this is not Taehyun_

He looks out the window to check on the other two boys, Hyuka and Beomgyu sat side by side both leaning on each other, their lips occasionally moving indicating they were exchanging a few words to themselves. Yeonjun slump in his seat in the front, not knowing what to say or do. 

He can’t blame any of them for how they act, not when neither of them were allowed a chance to properly grieve over their loss, to actually make any progress of dealing with their mental baggage. It wasn’t just anybody, it was Taehyun, their best friend, a brother in all but blood. Moa may be a child, but that doesn’t mean they were able to turn off their emotions or traumas.

Soobin kept Moa on his lap, rocking him back and forth till the boy is drooping with sleepiness. Once he’s sure Moa is asleep he laid him down on the seat. He gets out of the car, the two maknaes did not look at him “Get in, I’ll drive” he says, “No….I...I need a moment” Hyuka replies, Beomgyu nods along. 

“Hyuka…we-you can’t keep being like this, we said our goodbyes and Taehyun wouldn’t want you to be this way” bold words coming from a total hypocrite, Soobin shakes away the thought.

“Saying goodbye doesn’t erase the fact he’s gone, doesn’t change the fact so many things around me reminds me of him, it doesn’t mean I’m ready to accept he is gone because I can’t Soobin hyung! It doesn’t make this painful feeling go away! Nothing does!! And that KID, he….he’s a walking breathing reminder of who we lost……..I just...I need a moment….just give me a little time”

Soobin sighs, his own heart aches for so many reasons.

“Fine” 

The trip was supposed to be a couple hours long and it looks like it’ll turn into days. He scans around for Zombies, deeming it safe to leave the maknaes outside first before settling into the driver's seat. Yeonjun was still silent, Soobin made no move to start a conversation. 

There is a long silence in the car, a rare peace in a world that’s at the tip of an end of all humanity. Yeonjun leans back, seeing Moa is still fast asleep on the car seat, he then looks over at Soobin. The leader staring at the sky, eyes blank as if in deep thoughts, deep negative thoughts. Yeonjun thought of a way to distract the leader.

“Y’know….it’s been a while since I admired the sky” he too looks up to the vast of blue. “We’re so focused on surviving all the time, we forgot how beautiful nature is” he continues, not really sure where to direct this conversation to. “Beautiful...yeah...it is…..but then this virus exists” 

Yeonjun is glad the leader is at the very least, responding to his words. “Yeah, fuck those viruses”

Silence took them once more as Yeonjun wacks his brain for ideas, “So…..do you miss us?” Soobin blinked at this, “Huh?” He looks at Yeonjun confusedly. The eldest chuckled “Our old us, looking back at it, it was so fun together. I missed teasing you in front of MOA on camera or vlive that makes you all flustered….Hehehe... And now, what are we even?” his laugh only holds sadness, Soobin hums.

“I missed it too, hyung. I don’t know… I feel like I don’t know myself anymore.” He thought of everyone so far, how much every single one of them is hurting yet he can’t do anything about it.

“Hey…” Yeonjun gently put his on Soobin’s shoulder, “if there’s anything that you’ve bottle up, you can just tell me. I’m all ears.” Yeonjun could see that there is something Soobin would love to let out but he was so hesitant.

“Take your time, and besides…..I have something to tell you too” the eldest hyung thinks there is no way anytime right now is the appropriate time for what he is about to admit but the fear of maybe being unable to let out this feeling also scares him.

Soobin waits for him expectantly, he takes a deep breath and lets it out. No more going back now. “Before this, what were you thinking about me when I was doing all those flying kisses stuff-” he clears his throat before continuing, “-teasing you, and all that shit.” Yeonjun is sure he must be crazy or high for doing this. 

If Soobin is taken back by the statement he did not show it much, “I was...overwhelmed, I guess? Sorry, I just, can’t seem to...remember what it used to feel like” Yeonjun hums at it, “Do you...ever take it personally?” he pried a little more, testing the waters first.

“Um...I..don’t know?” he looked…..small when he said that. Yeonjun bites his lips, carefully choosing his next words.

“Oh, how about now? Any change of mind?” Soobin’s shoulder sags, the overgrown black bangs slightly covered his eyes when he leans down to look at his hands “… I wished we’re back where we were before… back to normal. Like a family. I-hyung, we’re all messed up. And I’m… a _fucking murderer_ -” his voice started to shake with each word.

Yeonjun quickly shushing Soobin, he carefully moves closer to him “Soobin, Soobin looked at me. You are not- Just, believe me when I say. You are not a murderer. You did what you could. Taehyun….. wouldn't have survived even if he did what I did, I just know. It’s better to…..put him at peace…. than letting him suffer through the pain. You heard me? You stopped him from hurting,” Soobin eyes met Yeonjun’s, his lips parted to say something but no words came out.

Soobin speaks again after a while “And what about you, hyung? You lost an important part of your identity. You no longer can dance without it.” Yeonjun chuckles darkly “I don’t mind- I… I just needed it to be an idol anyway. It was for our group. Now, since this apocalypse happened. I don’t think I’ll need it for that again. If I get bitten on the other leg, I’ll just cut it off. It doesn’t matter as long as I can stay alive as you are surviving too.”

“And what if I don’t want to..?” The whisper was so low, so fragile, Yeonjun felt the colour drain from his body. He feels tense “Hueningkai needs you. Beomgyu. And… _I.. need you._ ”

Soobin did not know what to say at that. He feels himself at the edge of giving up every now and then but the thought of his still alive members kept him there. Yeonjun leans back onto the seat.

Is he really really going to do this? Fuck it!

“Is it too late to say that… I like you?” Soobin snapped his head so fast at Yeonjun, “....What…?” his mind racing with all sorts of thoughts. Yeonjun’s face showed a little bit of pink “Like… like...you know. Like in...love? _dumbass, you’re too fucking late…_ ” he mumbled the last part to himself. “Yeonjun hyung… you….. really….. like me? Even though I'm in this state- I..” he was beyond baffled. 

Never in a million years he’ll think Yeonjun would confess having feelings for him, and definitely not when the world is in shambles and while they are trying their best to survive. It was so sudden, Soobin did not know what or how he should think “Since we’re not idols anymore because of this mess, and nobody cares about us because they only think about their own survival, I just thought- this is my chance to-” Yeonjun did not finish his words, ending it with a sigh.

“I know this is the worst time-” He was starting to ramble again, Soobin sworn he hears Yeonjun sounds nervous. “I-I….” and he truly wants to say something, to tell the elder anything. “It’s okay! If you’re not comfortable with this, I totally understand. I just want to let it out before it’s too late…” He looks away after that, turning his eyes to gaze outside the windows where the maknaes are still sitting and talking to each other.

“Hyung…….. **Yeonjun** ” 

At the drop of formality, Yeonjun glances back, his eyes meeting Soobin’s dark brown orbs that now glimmer with….hope? Yeonjun laughs a little, mainly at himself “My only wish is an actual kiss..but- I think…” he noticed Soobin’s face getting closer, the taller boy gently grabbed his shoulder so that Yeonjun is directly facing him”

“This wish…” Soobin’s hand trailed slowly from Yeonjun’s shoulder and up to cup Yeonjun’s face. The eldest can’t help but stare into those charming eyes, it used to shimmer a lot with joy and life, it saddened him to see that shine is lost. Their face inch nearer and nearer, the gap between both lips decreasing with each second.

“Is so ridiculous-” Soobin close the gap, connecting both lips together and cutting off Yeonjun. The elder did not back away, he melts into the kiss, Soobin’s soft lips against his felt like heaven. His heart fluttered, was this truly real? Soobin didn’t know what came over him, he just…..needed to do that. 

Maybe he could not recall those exact feelings he had for his hyung after everything that happened up until now, but now with their lips locked. He knew, with the way his heart speeds up, and this nervousness in his gut. Those feelings never went away.

Once they pull away, they rest their forehead against each other, staring one at one another. Enjoying what little time they had to themselves to bathe in this feeling, this love in the midst of chaos. 

Yeonjun sighs, he leans back and chuckled, “We’re idiots, kissing in front of a little kid” trying to play off the fact his face is so red. Soobin however had a poker face on, but there was a joking tone to his voice “He’s seen worst...probably” and they both laughed quietly. Soobin saw Hueningkai and Beomgyu getting up and walking over to the car.

They break apart immediately, Beomgyu gets in and (with so much hesitance) repositioned Moa so that the boy could keep his head on Beomgyu’s lap as he sleeps. Hueningkai sat down without a word, Soobin could tell he’s cooled off…..for now.

Since they spent too much time stopping, they had to stop somewhere again before continuing on their journey as the sky is getting too dark to see. Soobin smiles when he sees Beomgyu slowly warming up to Moa, they weren’t talking but the way Beomgyu offered him food or water and even let Moa have his blanket shows him enough.

Hueningkai doesn’t seem to be bothered by Moa’s presence too much now, he even let Moa have one of the plushies he had gotten. The boy still avoids looking to look at the child, but when Moa muttered to him a tiny “Thank you Huening hyung” he smiled a little when he sees Hyuka struggling not to smile back at the kid. 

Now with the moon high in the sky, Yeonjun works on changing his bandages while everyone else is sleeping. Moa is cuddled up next to Beomgyu while Hyuka has his head on Beomgyu’s shoulder with a plushie hugged to his chest, he did sleep better with it after all. Soobin is sleeping with his head against the mirror, for once it didn’t look like he is having vivid nightmares.

As Yeonjun cleans away his wound, he was puzzled when a drop of red fell onto the white new bandages on his shoulder. Drip, another drop, drip, and another. His finger goes to his nose, feeling a wet liquid at the tips of his fingers. Nosebleed.

Yeonjun quickly grabs tissues and tries to stop the bleeding as he leans back his head, how weird, why is he nosebleeding? The blood did stop, and Yeonjun discard the bloody trash. He then decides to have a little snack, they got cookies from that previous stop. 

Yeonjun tears the wrapper and takes one peice of the sweet treat, he eats it whole with one bite. _‘Huh…? What the…’_ he eats another one, frowning before grabbing a different treat. Oreo sandwich cookies this time, he eats one and nearly gasps in shock. Why….why can’t he taste anything?


	8. Spiralling

Moa's eyes flutter open to see himself leaning against Soobin, he rubs his eyes and yawns. "Mmhh? Oh you're awake...sleep well?" the tall male asks him, the child nods meekly.

"Can I...have water?" Soobin smiled lightly, he proceeded to grab one half empty bottle and give it to Moa.

They switched up the seating again before continuing, this time Beomgyu and Hueningkai at the front while the hyungs stayed with Moa at the back. 

Soobin fondly plays with Moa's hair, it's definitely bad for him to pretend but it makes it easier for him to look after Moa. It makes it easier to deal with his guilt and grief.

Yeonjun is staring blankly outside the window, deep in his thoughts. "Yeonjun hyung" he looks to the side to see Moa snuggling up to him like a little kitten.

"Hmm? Yes?" 

Yeonjun carefully puts an arm around the child. "Hyung is still so cool to me" his small hands patting whatever that's left of Yeonjun's left leg.

Yeonjun can't help but smile at that "Thanks Ta-Moa…" 

The car made a weird sound, Hueningkai who was driving widened his eyes, Beomgyu throwing him a worried glance.

The vehicle slowly slows down as the engine starts to sound choked "Hyuka what's going on?" Soobin asks.

"Something is wrong with the engine!" 

There's a few houses and shops, and maybe two or three zombies in sight. The car comes to a halt abruptly, Yeonjun groans. "What now?" Soobin checks their surroundings.

"Hey Gyu, come with me." he said and slowly opened the door. "What?!"

"I check the engine and you keep watch" he explains, Beomgyu fearfully grabs for the door handle. "I can go'' Hyuka volunteers, Soobin opens up the bonet and motions Beomgyu to be quick. 

"No, you stay there and try and start the engine when I tell you to-'' the leader's words was cut off when a bullet graze his cheek and hit the front window of the car.

A thin cut leaves a small streak of red oozing out.

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!?" Yeonjun yelled, he moved to get out but was startled when a figure slammed open the door dragging him and Moa out.

Soobin yanks Beomgyu behind him, his dagger out in one hand, brandishing it at the stranger. 

They were 3 men and one woman. The lady holds up a gun at Soobin while dude 1, 2 and 3 got Hyuka, Yeonjun and Moa.

"OI!! LET GO OF ME!! LET GO OF ME YOU- DON'T YOU FUCKING TOUCH HIM!!" Yeonjun yells at them when the man harshly tugs Moa's arms.

"H-hyung!" Moa cried out in pure fear.

"Who are you?!? What are you doing?!? Let them go!!" the lady only smirked.

"Come with us quietly and maybe we won't kill them" she points her gun at Moa who is now shaking with fear as tears start to pour.

Soobin could feel Beomgyu's horrified tremble from the way the younger is gripping his waist. Who are these people?! But Soobin can't take any chances, he was far too scared to lose any of them.

He reluctantly hands her the dagger, gritting his teeth as he does "Good boy, now come along"

"Yeonjun hyung!" Beomgyu screamed when he saw Yeonjun being dragged due to the fact he can't walk.

"Yeon-" Soobin shuts Beomgyu's mouth before he could shout anymore and gets them into more trouble. 

They let Moa go and he runs to Soobin, hugging the elder tightly "I'm scared Soobin hyung...I'm scared" Soobin picks him up.

"Hey hey...shh...it's okay...it's gonna be okay, hyung will protect you hmm?"

Hueningkai is openly glaring daggers at their captors, why are people so sick? Even during a global crisis they managed to be literal assholes.

He cringes each time he hears a grunt or groan from Yeonjun. It made him realized, humans are so fucking messed up, worse than animals, worse than those mindless zombies.

Was he terrified? To the core of his soul but Hueningkai pushes down that fear, brave himself if any of them decides to harm his hyungs or Moa, he won't be staying still.

Beomgyu is going into panic and Soobin is too busy with Moa at the moment, Hueningkai wishes they let him go too.

One dude was still locking his hands behind his back as they walked. They were brought to a shop lot.

The place was barricaded, the adults threw them at one corner, Beomgyu sprints to Yeonjun's side, checking up on the elder.

Soobin with one arm still carrying Moa, fusses over Yeonjun with Beomgyu. Hueningkai however keeps a firm glare at them, watching their every move.

Two of the dudes left, the other two only smirked at them, the youngest hated this. They were up to something and it's no good. 

"What do you want with us?!" Yeonjun yells at them, Beomgyu helps him to sit.

"Simple, there's still a bunch of those things in this area and we're quickly running out of supplies...." Soobin widened his eyes, he knew where this was going. "...so you will be getting those supplies for us" 

"You sick fuckers!! BUNCH OF GREEDY COWARDS!!" Yeonjun curses at them but stops once the lady pulls out her gun and aims it at Soobin.

"Well, gotta do what we need to do to survive right? If you refuse or...run away...I could just kill off your little friends" it fuels so much rage in Hueningkai hearing those words.

He feels Soobin holding his hand, an unspoken _'don't do anything stupid'_ exchanged between them but even he could feel the rage the leader is in.

They watched as those two others brought all their supplies from the car "Impressive that you kids managed to stay alive for so long...now that I think of it….you all look familiar.." 

All of their hair grew longer over time, Yeonjun's black roots are showing and his blue dye slowly fading to a light greenish color.

Hueningkai's bun got undone so he now looks like he has brown wavy short hair that reaches his shoulder.

Beomgyu's black roots are showing too along with a mullet while Soobin's hair is only a little shorter than Hueningkai.

The only reason Moa could recognize them was because he was used to seeing their faces. 

"Hey...aren't these kids...from one of those useless idol singer groups?" another dude says as he rips open one bread package.

The lady stares intensely at Beomgyu, making him squirm in her gaze "Looks like it, how pathetic isn't it? Even your companies can't protect you now! We're older here so just listen to what we say and nobody gets hurt"

Moa whimpers, Soobin gently shush him. "It's okay Moa I got you…" they didn't do much. Simply sitting around and finishing all the food and water supplies greedily while the boys sat in one corner, they only gave them one half empty bottle of water and a packet of bread. 

"You guys can share," Soobin says, breaking the bread into three pieces and giving them to the younger boys.

"No, you have it hyung...I'm not hungry anyway" Beomgyu declines, "Me too, not in the mood to eat" Hueningkai cross his arms irritatedly.

Moa stayed silent but even he did not munch on the bread, only holding it in his palms. 

"For fuck's sake guys just eat the damn thing" Yeonjun snarls at the two teens, "Not if you aren't" Beomgyu reasons. "I will eat….only if hyung shares bread with me" Moa suddenly speaks up.

They were all taken back by the statement, Hueningkai's gaze fell to the floor "Taehyun would've suggested the same thing…." he mumbles to himself. 

"Er...Moa, you don't have to do that…" but the child shakes his head, there was determination in his eyes. "It's not fair, I will only eat if hyung eats too" such goodness in someone so young.

"Okay...you can share with Yeonjunnie hyung" Yeonjun glares at Soobin for that. "Soo-" but one look from Soobin dares him to protest. Yeonjun didn't.

In the end they all end up sharing the bread together.

Yeonjun noticed how Moa would take tiny little nibbles but broke off bigger pieces of the bread to feed him and Soobin. 

It reminds him how Taehyun used to buy food and eat super slowly and lets the rest of them steal the food as he eats because he thinks they aren't eating enough and could only get them to eat more this way.

The similarities are starting to even scare him. 

But Moa looked so happy, he smiles brightly as he presses the bread against Soobin's lips, little giggles erupting from him when Soobin pouts in refusal. Beomgyu joins in the two, he occasionally feeds his own bread to Moa too.

Hueningkai still looks pretty pissed, "Hey….What's up?" Yeonjun although he knows damn well what's up.

"People are assholes" he mumbles, hatred in his eyes at the adults who are laughing as they goble on their food.

"Some people really are, but we're gonna get out of here" he pats Hueningkai's head.

"And then what?" the younger retorts.

"Hmm?" Yeonjun nudges at him to continue, Hueningkai sighs, "What comes after that? Go to the camp, okay but then what? Wait till the world can piece things back together? How long will that take? And even then, what's next? What's the point of this all?" his voice turning softer with each word till it was a mere whisper. 

"Hyuka….c'mere.." Yeonjun pulls the maknae into his embrace, he sees Beomgyu and Soobin shooting him concerned looks but nods them off while mouthing he had things under control.

Hueningkai buries himself into Yeonjun's black shirt, his silent tears soaking the fabric. 

Was it unexpected that the maknae was suppressing such thoughts and emotions?

Definitely. But was Yeonjun surprised?

No, not really. Hueningkai was always more private about his inner feelings, inconveniently bottling them up sometimes till he reaches a breaking point that ends up hurting him. 

He doesn't mind much if they see him cry, but there's only one person that could breach his walls and let him pour out every suppressed feelings.

The one person that he would rant his worries and the voices in his head, his pillar of emotional support 

Taehyun is special to Hueningkai more than any of them could ever know.

Yeonjun was more surprised that he blurted out those words to him, words and thoughts that used to only be accessible to Taehyun and Taehyun only.

He hugs the maknae hoping to at least calm him down "Don't think about that, just focus on now okay Kai? We'll cross those bridges when we get there"

" _If_ we get there…" he hears a muffled voice saying, "No, _when_ we get there. You hear me? We're gonna be okay"

Their captors paid no mind to them, only eyeing them once in a while to make sure the boys weren't plotting an escape. 

The day slowly ends, Moa hugs himself tightly, shivering from the cold, Soobin then pulls him close as he lays on the cold hard ground, hoping his body heat could comfort the child.

His obvious attachment to Moa hadn't been overlooked, the other three could clearly see their leader's change in attitude. 

There's a difference between suddenly acting paternal towards a random child you saved because you are a responsible adult with a heart and caring for a child while pretending he's the dead friend you failed to save to deal with your guilt and your need to redeem yourself. 

"He's pretending Moa is Taehyun….." Beomgyu whispers lightly, sandwiched in between Yeonjun and Hueningkai.

"I know I know and fuck it….why Soobin….." Yeonjun trails off, he hears Hueningkai's faint growl at the statement. "He's going to get hurt again…..hyung do something"

"Trust me if I knew what to do, I would've done it already." the two drift off into slumber at some point, Yeonjun did not sleep a blink. He doesn't trust them to not do anything if they are all asleep, one of the guys didn't sleep either. He just sat against the wall yawning every once in a while. 

* * *

Morning came too soon, Yeonjun thinks, it happened too fast. Soobin reluctantly leaves Moa's side, he makes Yeonjun and Beomgyu swear that they'll keep Moa safe and follows them as they urge him and Hueningkai to go out and find food.

Yeonjun had to bite his tongue from lashing out that Taehyun died under his watch, not Yeonjun's. 

"Remember, if you run away…..they're dead" She points her gun at the other three left behind. 

Hueningkai wants to snap and jump at her but Soobin firmly grips his wrist, "Fine" he says with a glare and hesitantly guides himself and Hyuka out. The sky is still quite dark and Soobin could see a few moving figures in the streets.

"Why must we do this?!" Hueningkai yells at him. 

"Because we can't fight them now Hyuka, they're not mindless zombies, they're adults who most likely know how to fight. We'll figure out how to escape soon" Soobin reasoned with him.

They run to their car to get their weapons, Hueningkai breathes out in relief when the bat is in his hands again, he feels much safer with it. 

They move cautiously through the streets, avoiding any means of needing to fight off those creatures.

Hueningkai noticed a minor detail regarding the zombies, they move much slower and some aren't even walking anymore, they are sprawled on the ground. 

They stealthily move through the place, thankfully they found a convenient store just nearby.

"Everything is almost gone!" Hyuka exclaims when he sees the bare shelves and maybe only one or two cans on the cupboards. 

Soobin ram his scythe into the skull of one of the lurking zombies, "They must've raided this place before.....surely there's something?" They sweep the place from top to bottom, only managing to find a few packets of expired bread, three instant noodle cups and one can of sardines. 

"Can we even eat these?" he looks at the packet of bread, quite unsure if they should stomach anything that could potentially get them sick.

"They're not moldy yet so it should be fine but maybe not for Moa, we need to find proper food for him" Hueningkai glances up at Soobin, the leader stared at him with a _'What'_ face.

They look through the store some more, even venturing into the backroom. Soobin is rummaging through the boxes, "You find anything hyung?" he shakes his head but freezes when he sees Taehyun crouching in front of him, eyes staring at him questioningly.

"Soobin hyung?" he blinks at Soobin, waiting for the leader to answer him. 

Soobin shakes his head and blinks his eyes frantically, sighing when he found himself staring at an empty space where Taehyun was.

 _'These hallucinations are getting troublesome...'_ it got worse ever since Moa joined them, but he supposed it's his own fault.

"OH MY GOD!!" Soobin jumped to his feet so fast he nearly broke something, he rushed to Hyuka with his heart pounding only to wince at what the boy had found.

Two bodies of children, a girl no more than 10 and a most likely four year old boy. 

The two kids are scattered on the floor lifelessly, Soobin gasps when he sees the bloody gash on her arm and the boy's left foot is _gone_.

Those things bite his foot off and it makes boys want to vomit. "H-Hyung…" Hueningkai clings to Soobin with a hand clasp to his mouth, eyes watering with tears.

They were kids, they're just kids! They shouldn't have to die, especially this brutally. "Come on.." Soobin pulls Hueningkai away from the corpse.

His mind supplies images of Tae-Moa in that awful motionless bloody state. _'But they didn't turn….'_ a single thought passed through his head. 

Now that Soobin thought of it, they've never run into children zombies, mostly teens and adults.

Does this mean infected children simply... _die?_

Soobin shudders at the thought. He hugs Hueningkai to console the youngest, they grab all their stuff minutes later and venture off to scavenge some more.

Yeonjun winces when he moves his leg, the burning sensation in his amputated leg is starting to actually sting him.

Moa looks up to him worriedly "Hyung are you hurt?" which causes Beomgyu to snap his head at them in a flash.

"What? Yeonjun hyung? Is something wrong?" Yeonjun shakes it off, "I'm fine,"

"So you chopped off your leg cuz you were bitten huh?" One of the men said, strutting over a little too close for any of their comfort.

"Stay away from us!" Beomgyu shrieks, even as his body trembles with fear, he shields Yeonjun and Moa from the man. Not letting him come any closer.

"How do we know he is not _infected?!_ What if he turns?!" Beomgyu flinched at the loud voice but kept his ground.

"He isn't! That was weeks ago! He hasn't turned then so he won't!" but the man simply motioned to the others to yank Beomgyu away. 

"Hey-HEY DON'T YOU FUCKING TOUCH HIM!! LET HIM GO YOU FREAKS!!" Yeonjun shouts with all his lungs, terrified as they grab Beomgyu by his hair and drag him across the room.

The blond dancer screams in pain and for help as he claws at the hands to let him go, his voice trembles loudly with agony and it surges Yeonjun with unimaginable rage.

Yeonjun hoisted himself up to his knees, anger fueling him strength. "Hyung-" Moa got up to his feet to stop the eldest.

But Yeonjun slightly pushes him back and tries to sloppily tackle one of the guys, but misses and crashes to the ground harshly. He groans, forcing himself up again only for him to be pinned down by one of the men.

"Seriously, do you want to die?" the lady asked as she put the tip of the gun on Beomgyu's head.

A threatening glint in her eyes as if daring Yeonjun to do something about it.

"Wait!! You said you won't kill us if Soobin hyung and Hyuka hyung go get food!!" Moa reasoned out, the seven year old goes to push away the gun from Beomgyu's head.

He bravely shields him from the lady, "They might have run away! It's been hours!!" one of the men shouted, kicking Yeonjun in the ribs.

The blue haired boy lashes out a scream of agony.

"Please don't hurt my hyungs!!" Moa cries out, but the lady grabs his wrist.

Eyes void of humanity, she barrels the gun at the child "You're really annoying, I hate kids anyway"

Moa's tears spilled to the ground silently for he had bitten down on his lips to be quiet, he shuts his eyes, his body shaking waiting for his end.

Yeonjun and Beomgyu frantically scream and try as they might to get to Moa but with those men holding them down, they watch with dread and horror as the woman is ready to pull the trigger to shoot a child. 

"NO NO PLEASE!! PLEASE HE'S JUST A KID!! PLEASE!"

**_*SWOOSH*_ **

A bat flew straight at her, there was a loud clunk and the lady collapsed to the ground, a small pool of blood forming at her head.

"MOA!!!!" Fazed and stunned by the sudden attack, they were late to react and Hyuka was quick to retrieve his bat.

His heart pounding with adrenaline rushed at what just happened.

Soobin didn't even hesitate.

At first glance of Moa being held at gunpoint.

He swiftly snatched the bat out of his hand and launched it straight at the lady with perfect aim.

He killed that lady in a blink of an eye

The men come at them, attempting to intercept Soobin from getting to Moa.

It seems Moa is all he cares about now, not Beomgyu who is still writhing in pain with one captor still yanking him by his hair or Yeonjun who pretty much is at the edge of passing out, and with that gash on his head bleeding out, he might have a concussion.

Hueningkai braces himself to fight when a fist is thrown at him, the man is bigger than him but he was much agile from years of dancing and months of running and hiding.

Hueningkai swings his bat, but the man could really fight.

He managed to dodge almost all of Hyuka's attacks, from the sound of Soobin's own shouts he wasn't doing any better fighting off two men at once. 

Soobin was right about one thing, they were adults who knew how to fight. Hueningkai hears Beomgyu screaming when he is tossed aside, crashing into piles of rubbish.

Another is rushing to him and Hueningkai doesn't know how long he could keep dodging and swinging till his very limited strength runs out.

Moa had run over to Yeonjun, crying out for the elder to respond to him. Things were getting too messy, too hectic.

Are they all going to die?

He hears a loud groan and a yell from Soobin, in the corner of his eyes he sees Soobin's scythe abandoned at the side. 

_'This is it isn't it?'_ Hueningkai thought, his mind too jammed to keep a focus on his movements.

One wrong move caused him to crash down to the floor clutching his abdomen.

"Pathetic" He hears a mumble. 

_***THUD* *THUD*** _

Wet.

Droplets of something wet and sticky landed on his face. 

Hueningkai forces his eyes open to see two bodies in front of him with deadly gashes on their backs.

Soobin's screams have also subsided, other than Moa's fearful voice calling "HYUNG!! HYUNG SAY SOMETHING!!" there was complete silence. Hueningkai sits up with a hiss, breathing hard as he tries to process what just happened.

"Just sit still and don't move too much, I'll get back to you later" a new voice said, there was someone else with them.

He was helping Soobin lean up against a wall but Hueningkai couldn't see his face with that hood on. 

Soobin however stares at the person with wide shocked eyes, lips moving but no sound comes out.

Beomgyu crawls over to them, Hueningkai notes he had gotten his hand on a pair of large scissors.

The blond boy is ready to slam that thing into the new stranger but pauses mid air when the person turns to look at him, eyes growing large.

Beomgyu dropped the weapon, and fell on his bum in utter disbelief "Beomgyu? Beomgyu hey, it's me! I'm not gonna hurt you." Beomgyu shakes his head wildly, now scurrying away from the new figure as if it was a scary ghost. Hueningkai frowns, the voice is very familiar.

"You…...you're not...YOU'RE NOT REAL!!! IMPOSTER!!!" He screams. 

Hueningkai picks himself up and his bat aims it at the intruder "HEY! Who are you?!?" He's had enough of them getting fucked over again and again.

But maybe, fate decided to give them a break for once. 

The person throws back his hood, revealing black hair in a small high ponytail, he turns to look at Hueningkai and the maknae of TXT know why they are so shocked.

That face, the relief smile of his face with hints of sadness. 

He wipes a bit of blood off his face with the hem of his black hoodie and walks over towards Hyuka, although Hueningkai’s height towers over him, the maknae has never felt so small.

A hand placed on Hueningkai's shoulder.

"Ah…you've grown so much in so little time"

_**"J-Jungkook hyung?!?"** _

He nods.

"Hyungs! Help!" Moa cried out, the kid was kneeling by Yeonjun's side, groaning in agony on the cold solid floor, his hands were pressing his disabled leg that was already soaking in red.

Moa attempted to get Yeonjun up but his small body wasn't able to lift the elder.

”Yeonjun hyung!!" Soobin shouted and tried to get up but Beomgyu didn't let him. "Stay here hyung, your head is bleeding!" the blond gently taps the injury and Soobin winces.

Hueningkai is still astounded after knowing his senior was still alive after all this time during the apocalypse.

Jungkook runs to patch Yeonjun up, he pulls out a first aid kit from his backpack and he mends all the four members and little Moa.

They sat down all together once Jungkook finished.

"Hyung, thank you," Soobin says but Jungkook shakes it off, "It's nothing…! I… I’m really glad you are all okay" and there was that smile, a soft yet tinged with melancholy.

Soobin noticed the doe deer-eyes that used to shine filled with galaxies gone dull, only there are slightly lightened with hope. 

His senior seemed more skeletal on the face, eyebags distinctly noticeable and the hair is lengthy and messy like Hueningkai but way longer. 

Soobin can see his senior has been through a lot in this calamity.

All of them collectively sat in a circle while facing each other. It went ponderously silent, especially the TXT members, Jungkook looked at each member until his eyes scanned thoroughly at Moa, who sat in between Soobin and Yeonjun, embracing both of his knees. 

"Where's..." Jungkook started to say something. Hueningkai lowered his head and already avoided eye contact with his senior and Beomgyu who was holding the maknae's hand was tightening the grip.

Meanwhile, the hyungline members only breathe in and out, they know what’s coming from their senior’s mouth…

"..Taehyun?" The Bangtan’s maknae questioned all of them, but his eyes still stuck staring at the small kid. The small kid that resembled the boy.

Yeonjun gently lands his hand on top on Soobin’s, subtly tapping to give the tall leader attention.

Soobin took a glance at his hyung, telling him through the elder’s eyes that he will take care of this. They gradually intertwined both their fingers together behind Moa's back.

Yeonjun cleared his throat and call Jungkook, the senior eyes on the blue-haired waiting for the answers.

"...Taehyunnie..." Yeonjun can feel Soobin holding the grasp tighter. He knows this topic is already hard enough for his leader, even Beomgyu and Hueningkai still couldn't tolerate it after their dear friend's burial.

Yeonjun calmly looked at Jungkook's eyes, he took a deep breath before proceeding to tell the harsh truth, to the important person that his dongsaeng who has been a huge fan of. "...he couldn't make it with us together, hyung..."

"Oh,"

That's it. That's the only response from Jeon Jungkook. He nonchalantly nodded, he understood what Yeonjun meant. His hands covering his entire face, letting out a deep breath.

Soobin noticed Jungkook was trembling, he wanted to reassure the senior but he couldn't. 

Because he knows, he's not worthy to console his dear friend's favourite, and the friend Soobin had to kill because of the virus.

The little brother he was selfishly trying to replace with a random child to ease his mind.

Soobin put a hand on Moa’s back, softly rubbing circles in a calming manner, it was an action to calm himself more than anything. Jungkook’s hands fall to his lap after a while, eyes slightly red and puffy “I….I'm here now guys...we’re gonna get through this together” he finally proclaims, voice much more determined now to protect all that he’s left. 

Nothing could’ve described how relieved he felt when he was able to distinctly spot Soobin and Hyuka moving around between buildings, Jungkook followed the two boys only to find them almost killed by some inhumane adults.

Never thought the day he killed four men without remorse in 2 minutes flat would ever come but here he is, risking and doing it all for these boys because they’re all he has now.

“But hyung….how did you..?” Yeonjun asks, Jungkook paled at the question thrown at him.

Beomgyu leaned forward and so did Moa and Hueningkai, Soobin looked at him worriedly, ready to dismiss the question but Jungkook looked at him with an assuring glance, he takes a deep breath, bracing himself to recall that day 

“It was…….horrifying…” 

* * *

_"Argh! I'm so tired hyung~"_

_Jungkook stretched on his luxurious first-class seat, he was sitting next to Namjoon, who, obviously just checking on his phone using the plane's wifi. The leader acknowledged when he heard the maknae's whine._

_Jungkook fixed his seat and rested his head on his palm and glanced at his leader, "Hyung, why does the US promotion feel so short? Aren't we supposed to have 2 weeks or something?"_

_"Bang PD-nim wanted us to come back home early, that's... out of character for him," the leader grunted thinking about his CEO suddenly buying an early flight ticket back to South Korea for 3 days of promotions after the comeback. He locked his phone and pulled up his book to read._

_"Haish, I cannot wait to ask Bang PD to treat us to dinner when we get back! Change of schedule without reasons is so unusual of him," Seokjin casually rants with his RJ plushie in his arms, who was sitting in front of Jungkook._

_He was easily napping but the long 14 hours of the plane ride was too discomforting for him to doze off._

_BTS had a very long 3 days of promotions, the comeback stages, various interviews, talk shows and other else that kept them busy._

_They already have a lot of schedules that have already been reserved for the rest of the days, nevertheless, the change of plan from Bang PD nim just left the 7 members in total confusion._

**_*Cough* *cough*_ **

_Jimin at the far back in the first-class seat turned his head back where the sounds came from. A man in his late 30s, a foreigner, coughing like his life at the end of the line._

_The man's wife called the stewardess for a glass of water, Jimin furrowed and spun his head back to the front, he put on his black mask and covered his ears with his AirPods, ignoring the fuss._

_It's going to be a long flight back home._

_People screeched when Bangtan walked out at the arrival in Incheon Airport, some fans, news reporters, flashing cameras surrounding all over them. Jungkook hid his face with his cap pulled down to cover his eyes with his black mask on._

_He was tired. Tired from US promotion, tired from the long flight back and forth, tired of jetlag and tired of these people who don't give them space when returning to their homeland._

_He just cannot wait to return home and unwind. So he took the first step when going out from the gate to face the mobs that have been craving for their interaction._

_Jungkook steps became faster, wanting to reach their van that has been calling safety on his thought._

_Instantaneously, a horrifying outcry reverberated completely in the entire airport and it's becoming out of hand when many people started to screech out of terror. Jungkook stopped when he heard a familiar voice._

_"WHAT IS GOING ON?!" Seokjin yelled when the crowd abruptly swarmed all over him not because they wanted his touch nor pictures, even the bodyguards cannot handle these mobs._

_“Jin hyung!”_

_“JUNGKOOK DON’T COME HERE! I'LL TAKE CARE OF JIN HYUNG!” Jungkook took a step back when he got shouted at by his leader, who bravely pushed the crowds away to reach Seokjin._

_The maknae don’t want to leave his hyungs behind, he ran back to them, doesn't care he will get scolded by Namjoon or his manager or Bang PD, he doesn't care he will get a company discipline, he just wants to help._

_“JUNGKOOKIE!” Yoongi screamed at him once the younger started dashing to them, “YOU PUNK TURN AROUND AND RUN!”_

_Jungkook’s strides come to halt when all of his hyungs start crying out his name, they go ballistic for telling him to run away._

_He didn't know what to do, he was confused, why are these hordes out of control? He experienced the worst in the past schedule but this is way more noxious._

_“WE’LL CATCH UP ON YOU, JUST GO!” Jungkook noticed Hoseok’s hand flailing in the crowd, his body being aggressively pushed against these people in fear, indicating for the maknae to keep moving._

_The doe-eyes started to water and so he finally shifted his back on them and began to dash away to the path he thought safe._

_He passed the exit from the van due to the number of people squishing each other leaving the airport._

_Jungkook finds the other exits, his thoughts, hoping for his hyungs running together behind his tail. But the dream shatters when he detects the familiar scream from the distant._

_He took a glimpse and unexpectedly his legs went weak._

_Jimin was on the floor, blood spilling out of his throat, his small hands striving to cover the wound but he was severely gasping for air._

_Jungkook couldn't believe his eyes, his hyung, Jimin, was on the brink of death, he aches to run back, but then he saw Taehyung who was weeping by Jimin side, trying to lift his body until a person pushed him down on the cold floor and started biting the flesh of his shoulder._

_Taehyung cries blend with the other screeches in the airport._

_Jungkook just simply stands there by the exit, his eyes witnessing all of this chaos, disbelieving that it's happening in real life._

_‘Blood, so much blood…’_

_He stepped out slowly, eyes still looking at his hyungs who gobbled down by these monsters._

_‘It's not real… this is just a set…’_

_He saw Namjoon struggling out from the crowd, his clothes drenched in red blood. Striving to run at him._

_‘Why now? Why us?’_

_Namjoon sought to reach out to Jungkook, he was about almost 30 feet away, until his whole body dropped when the monsters pinned him down and started scraping, piercing, shredding his back flesh open._

_What Jungkook last saw of Namjoon… was his bloodied hand becoming lifeless to not be able to grasp the younger’s._

_From the instance, he cried, and he eventually exited the airport, running and never looking back._

_He ran and ran, amongst the sea of people fleeing for their life, he pushed his way through it all, blocking out the screams and shouting around him._

_He found the company’s vehicle right in the front, he rushed in and saw the driver had left._

_Jungkook slides into the driver’s seat and starts the engine._

_People scramble off the road as he drives, it takes him nearing the edge of the main city to realize, this huge car feels so empty._

_His hyungs_

_They’re gone_

_The car halts, Jungkook trembling in his seat as the weight of reality all but collapses onto him, his hyungs who raised him all his life ever since he was 15, they’re gone just like that._

_Erased from his life so easily, so FAST it was terrifying._

_He ran, he didn’t even look back for them._

* * *

"I was so preoccupied with surviving that I wasn't able to get any info before communications went down. So I'm just…running around….trying to stay alive" he finished.

His breath was shaky but the senior idol was able to compose himself. 

Beomgyu let out a sob, biting his lower lips until it bruised, clutching every thread of his hair and trying to pull.

Hueningkai just sat there, could not believe what everything he just listened, it feels like a complete lie, there's no way he lost almost all of his seniors, his hyungs that he cherished. 

Yeonjun leaned closer to Moa by his side, embracing the small child.

Moa moderately holds the blue-haired arms that wrapped around him, caressing the older brother who's in absolute dejection.

Soobin already recognizes the outcome, the familiar dull eyes from Jungkook are unmistakably the same as his after all those weeks of mourning.

And it just likes that, their conversation settles there. The teens give Jungkook some spaces after revealing his side of the story.

They move to the place somewhere safer, without the dead bodies that they left behind. 

It was still nerve wracking to think about Jungkook annihilating those immoral raiders, though it was still a relief that nobody was killed, especially Moa, who nearly got shot by the head.

They stopped by an abandoned cafe, nearby the convenient store that still has abundant food stocks.

Beomgyu tentatively put Yeonjun from his back on the soft chairs, while Soobin gently laid Moa beside the elder. Jungkook coos to give the teens attention.

"I'm going to find some food and water, maybe some further medkit for Yeonjun. Does anyone like to tag along?" Jungkook clearing out his backpack to give enough room for scavenging, the maknae pulled up his bat and walked towards the senior.

"Me," Hyuka said. Soobin quickly dashes towards the two, carrying his scythe.

“I’m coming too,” the tall exclaimed.

“Great!” Jungkook slings his backpack on his shoulder, he opens the door and gestures to Hyuka and Soobin to go. “Beomgyu-ah, can you look after them?”

“I-I will, hyung. Don’t worry…”, the blonde’s hands were fidgeting, tensely beamed at the older.

“Alright, we’ll be right back!” Jungkook left a smile and the three of them were out of sight. Leaving Beomgyu, Yeonjun and Moa alone in the cafe.

The blond dancer sat by the chair, facing Yeonjun who apparently looked so tired, exhausted from the beating and his mangled leg that had terribly bled. 

Beomgyu just watches Yeonjun relaxing his head on the table while tapping the glasses surface with random beats.

The child, on the other hand, was sleeping composedly with his adult size jacket concealing his entire face with the hood, his tiny hands resting on his chest, holding with one another which evokes Beomgyu of a familiar image.

_‘Taehyun’s corpse when Beomgyu first saw him after their parting'_

The dancer doesn't want to recall the heavy thought, it was too depressing to reminisce about that moment.

He avoids looking at the kid and reverts his eyes on his hyung, still tapping his fingers in some random rhythms which are very unknown to the blond. Beomgyu still fidgeting his thumbs, his orbs pays attention to the elder's hand.

He wants to touch Yeonjun's hand, to caress it, but too frightened of his reaction. Other than attempting to hold that delicate hand, Beomgyu brushed the strands of faded blue hair.

Yeonjun stopped tapping and the blond halted his action yet his fingers remain tangled in the hair. 

"Gyu,"

_‘oh no…’_

Yeonjun's voice shudders the younger, anxiously untwisting the strands straightaway and clasping his hand together to himself. 

"Y-yes, hyung?" Beomgyu tried to smile without making it too obvious.

"Is there something you have in mind?" Yeonjun asked.

The blond gulped, trying to keep it cool. "N-no," 

_‘you liar’._

The blue-haired's glare pierced the soul of the blond dancer, scanning from his facial expression to his body language.

It is already extremely conspicuous, the Beomgyu he knew that admitted _'broken'_ from his egregious action, have started to manifest fondness towards him. 

Yeonjun knew from the very start, the day he asked the boy to grab the handsaw was the day he had the control over him.

Yeonjun has been nothing but harsh towards Beomgyu during their together alone, scaring him with an attempted suicide because the boy refused to cut his infected limb off, traumatized him with the amputation, comforting him afterwards yet he yelled at him to scavenge in the downtown alone because Yeonjun was completely disabled.

Praise him if he did a good job but still pressure him to do the work, and then the cycle goes on repeat. 

This toxic cycle between them, Yeonjun knows it's bad. 

He manipulatively controls Beomgyu the entire time of their survival, despite reuniting with Soobin and Hueningkai after a week later, the blond still clinging with the elder.

If he's sick, Beomgyu comes to ask if he's okay. If he's hungry, Beomgyu will bring food for him. If he's hurt, Beomgyu will be attempting violence on the zombies or a person like how he almost stab Jungkook with a pair of scissors.

And now, Beomgyu started caressing the elder like he was his. 

"Gyu," Yeonjun called Beomgyu's nickname with a serious tone. Beomgyu couldn't help fretting his hands around, eyes still avoiding contact from the elder's.

He chews his lower lips when there’s butterflies in his stomach. Yeonjun just sat there, face-to-face, watching him trying so hard to conceal his jitters.

Yeonjun felt pity, almost guilty for this, _almost_. However, Soobin comes to his mind.

“Do you perhaps… have an interest in me?”

“No… No no no no no! H-Hyung, I… hahaha-”

“Your disapproval shows very clearly to me, Gyu." Yeonjun cuts off, "Please admit it,"

"I..." Beomgyu scratched the back of his hand, his face flushed red and his hands began to sweat due to anxiety.

"I do... _like you_ , hyung..." and he finally confesses. 

No reaction from the elder. _'He's not smiling or anything'_. Beomgyu tried to pull off a nervous smile, his hands went cold and sweaty.

But he breathes in, straightening his back and looks at Yeonjun, both their eyes finally met, anticipating his answer.

Yeonjun leaned back against the soft cushion, he folded his arms to his chest, chewing his inner cheeks, thinking for an appropriate response, but would anything he said be appropriate unless it was a lie? He sighed.

"You know how it feels when kissing on the lips?"

"Hmm?" Beomgyu raised his brows, mouth already sealed shut but still maintaining the smile.

Yeonjun knows he will destroy whatever genuine meaning to it with a few words in a few seconds. 

"It was soft," Yeonjun touched his lips, recollecting the moment he had with Soobin back in the car. 

__

_'Please..'_ Beomgyu's eyes twitched. His smile roughly broke off, but not as badly as his heart.

"and tasted very sweet, sweeter than any candy in the world" the elder chuckled. He pitches forward, resting his arms on the glass table.

Gazing back at the troubled blond, his sharp eyes looking through the boy's glassy orbs, trying to hold on to it. 

"When I pressed my lips with him, my heart fluttered," He finished, Yeonjun knows this is beyond cruel.

Much worse than any physical pain, but he must do it, he can't let Beomgyu to continue deluding himself into believing Yeonjun felt that way towards him.

_***drop*** _

There's a fresh drop of liquid on the glass surface.

**_*drop* *drop*_ **

Tears pouring out from the blonde's eyes, his breathing is shaky but still sustaining his smile, it's bitter and distasteful, and there's Yeonjun, who remained motionless and witnessing Beomgyu soundlessly breaking down in front of him.

His whimpers muffled in his hands, slowly resting on the table. Yeonjun could solely watch.

He felt pity, but he had to tell Beomgyu so there will be no misunderstandings between him and Soobin.

It was harsh to talk him off, though Yeonjun knows that Beomgyu will listen to him and keep it in mind.

Because he has control over this boy, this poor broken thing that Yeonjun has wrapped around his finger. 

"I'm sorry, Gyu. These are my answers to you,"

Beomgyu continues whining, but not too loud to disturb Moa who is sound asleep comfortably. Unexpectedly, the sound of cries that Yeonjun is listening to suddenly went silent for half a minute, leaving him confused about what comes around him. 

Then, the cries come back to normal, he puts his palm over his ear, checking if there’s any bleeding like he had a few days ago when he lost his taste buds. 

_‘God, please let me stay a little bit longer…’_

* * *

Jungkook, Soobin and Hueningkai returned safely to the cafe with the supplies, no scratches or spoiled blood left on their skin which meant the zombies were not in sight.

They brought along cups of ramen since they were able to get hot water from the cafe’s appliances, a medkit for Yeonjun that’s enough for him to change the bandages for a week or two. 

Soobin woke Moa from his little slumber, gave him a packet of chocolate bread to fill the hunger. Hueningkai looked around the cafe, he was worried because he didn’t see Beomgyu around.

“Yeonjun-hyung, where’s Beomgyu-hyung?”

“He’s at the back of the storage room,” he simply said, tears off the packet of bread that seems like there’s vanilla cream filling in the bun.

“Don’t worry, he was, having a moment, give him some time,” Yeonjun gulped down his saliva before taking a bite, the thought of not tasting the flavour still gives him chills. 

Hueningkai looks at him with concern for his blond haired hyung, Moa woke up at the sound of his rushed footsteps and a cry of "Beomgyu hyung!"

He gave the other hyungs a puzzled looked but did not voice out his thoughts.

"Tae-Moa, come here, I got your favorite bread!" Soobin called out.

Moa happily scoots over but he was confused because that wasn't his favourite bread, but Moa shrugs it off.

Perhaps, Soobin was a little weird because he hurt his head. Jungkook however was very alarmed by this, he met Yeonjun's gaze and saw the elder frowning deeply.

 _"That's Taehyun's favorite….."_ He read the blue haired's lips mouthing out, It was all he needed to see to know this little issue with Soobin and the kid.

He watches Soobin tenderly pull Moa onto his lap and cuddles the boy while he eats, Jungkook remembered how Soobin killed the lady for Moa

 _'This is gonna be messy'_ He thinks, this is in no way healthy for Soobin's mentality and definitely won't help him to move on.

Jungkook sat next to Yeonjun, he saw him eating the bread. "How's the bread?" he wanted to get rid of this awkwardness of silence. 

"The vanilla is kinda too sweet" Yeonjun replied, a small smile on his lips.

Jungkook looked at him weirdly "What hyung?" Yeonjun quickly questions, nervousness in his voice.

"Nothing….yeah the vanilla is….sweeter" unsure what he should do with this new information.

The bread was buttercream flavored. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aren't we too cruel for this? :D  
> -TAEBINIEST
> 
> SKSKSKSK SHOUT AT US GUYS ;D  
> \- TyunnieBFF/Aira_Loves_Herself


	9. Between The Broken Cracks

Hueningkai swings his bat and slams it down on a half rotten face, he breathes out a shaky breath and kicks away the unmoving carcass. A sudden pat on his shoulder caused him to nearly swat the weapon at the person but thankfully he hadn’t, Jungkook sheepishly put his hands up in defeat. 

“Please don’t kill hyung” it made the younger smile a little “Only if you stop doing that hyung”

Jungkook shrugs, taking Hueningkai by the hand to pull him closer, Soobin is at their front with a torchlight scanning the quaint dinner. “I don’t think there’s any more of them…” Soobin mumbles, the leader of TXT nods towards the other two. 

They begin to search the place more freely, grabbing whatever edible product they could find and stuffing them into their backpacks. 

Since it is a little further away from the raiders’ hideout, there is still quite a lot of food supply here. Hueningkai grabs the few breads and biscuits while Soobin hoards the many water bottles that are left untouched inside the few unfunctional fridges. 

Jungkook however explores the kitchen, glad to find lighters, cooking oil and a few knives that could be great weapons. 

“Hey uh...Jungkook hyung?” Hueningkai suddenly speaks up, a sudden thought has intruded his mind about the zombies, a very peculiar thing that has him curious for a while now but all this time they were too preoccupied with thoughts of survival and escaping their captors and well...Moa...to actually entertain the thought. 

He wonders if Jungkook had noticed what they did (Or at least, _HE_ did) about the undead creatures.

“Hmm? What is it Hueningkai?” the elder swoops around very swiftly, his movements light as feather without any sort of sound. Soobin perks up at the start of a conversation, “Um….do you noticed anything weird about the zombies?” Truthfully the young idol sincerely has no idea how he should ever describe what he meant without being confusing.

The topic definitely grabbed the senior’s attention, Jungkook stops in his tracks to look at Hueningkai “Weird how?” Soobin remains puzzled for a brief second, racking his mind for any collective memory about the zombies being ‘weird’. 

“The zombies….they are less...crazy? Weak even….before this me and Beomgyu hyung were at a store and there were three of them, but….the zombie….didn’t... _couldn’t_ even move to attack us….it was strange…” Hueningkai tries to explain, thinking about how the creature merely reached out a wobbly arm to grab him but obviously could not do so. 

A huge contrast to the maniac monsters they can just barely outrun in the first few weeks of the outbreak.

Soobin gasps finally remembering their encounter at the last city with those weird zombies, “Right, that was very weird though I am very thankful for it” he mumbles. Jungkook pauses, lips curving into an ‘o’ as he absorbs the new information, “Now that you said it….you’re right...I guess the zombies I ran into recently were less wild...but i have yet to run into zombies that doesn’t attack me in their sight” Hueningkai shakes his head.

“ _Couldn’t_ , it’s not that they weren’t attacking us. But….they looked like they _couldn't_ do it, too weak to do it, they were only able to move their arms and even then, it was very…..weakly” Soobin nods along, he wasn’t in there for a long time and hadn’t bothered to investigate. “What are you saying Hyuka?” he asks his maknae, unsure what point is Hyuka trying to make.

Jungkook motions for Hueningkai to answer the question, he expectantly smiles at the younger which is actually starting to freak the both of them out. How is he so….calm? 

Ever since Jungkook found them, the maknae and only surviving member of the seven membered boy band has shown nothing but composure, could he hide his true emotions so well it did not even show on his face or his actions.

And then there's the four of them who can barely act normal around each other after all the trauma. Hueningkai doesn’t know how he would live if he were to ever be in Jungkook’s shoes.

“Um...well….what if….this virus..isn’t forever?” He says his theory out loud, the two other hyungs inch closer to hear more of his thoughts. 

Jungkook even seats himself on one of the countertops, completely intrigued by the theory while Soobin leans closer. “Viruses...are microorganisms aren’t they? Living things like us. It infects a host and then spreads a part of it to others to keep living right?” it is a common fact to learn in science class after all.

Soobin gape and clap his hands, seemingly to understand what Hueningkai is implying “All living things have lifespans...and so does this virus. The zombies got weaker because the virus is dying and there’s no one around to infect anymore” Hueningkai finishes. Jungkook nods his head, impressed and convinced. “If your theory is right, all we need to do is wait out till all of them die…..”

Which might drag out till weeks, months or even years. But if that's their chance of survival then they just have to make it work.

Soobin nods along “Wow Hyuka, you figured it out!” He pats the maknae’s head, which strangely feels comforting for Hueningkai. He relishes Soobin’s touch, frankly Soobin is the only one that could do that without it being awkward due to his height. 

Only god knows how frustratingly awkward it was for Hueningkai when he wanted to talk to Jungkook and had to tilt down to meet eye contact. Jungkook doesn’t seem to mind, but it sure as hell makes Hyuka feel slightly off.

Perhaps Soobin has been less affectionate ever since the outbreak happened and honestly so did he, but it’s clear he still finds comfort and safety in his hyung’s touch and it amazed him how much he realizes he missed it. 

Hyuka missed the hugs and the innocent hand holding or the kisses and it did not occur to him that he was longing for those things until this very moment. "Let's quickly get back and we can tell the others!" Jungkook exclaims, jumping off the counter. Soobin nods and pulls away from Hueningkai to continue his search which leaves the maknae feeling a little sad at the loss of touch.

Hueningkai shakes his head with a sigh, trying to snap himself back in game. This is no time to be vulnerable or soft.

* * *

It didn't sit right with him when Yeonjun dismissed Beomgyu's absence like that, not when he knows how emotionally attached the slightly older boy is to their eldest hyung. He remembered how Beomgyu talked to him on the sideroad when they were both too overwhelmed with Moa's presence to keep going.

"I just...need him you know? Need him to be safe, to be okay, I can't lose him, not after everything that happened…" The care he has for Yeonjun is obvious but also is the strange attachment to the elder due to their….incident. The way Beomgyu acted as if he needed to go to all sorts of lengths to keep Yeonjun safe. 

"Gyu hyung..? Are you here?" The back room is dimly lit with only one or two functioning lamps. Hueningkai follows the sound of tiny choked sobs that leads him to a very dark corner, Beomgyu sat there with eyes dripping with tears. 

Hands red as roses as he runs his fingers in the hair of the dead corpse that was once an active zombie. "Taehyun ah….why won't you wake up? Why are you still sleeping? Why so lazy hyunnie ah?" He mumbles softly, a crazed smile on his face with red eyes swollen from crying. "You know...Junnie hyung is so mean? He's so mean Hyunnie you scold him for me yeah?"

Hueningkai holds in a deep breath, various thoughts racing all over the place but makes sures to not just scream for someone to come over. Instead he takes a few careful steps near Beomgyu, the stinking smell of blood and rotten flesh immune to his nose by now. 

"Hey Gyu hyung, come on...me and the hyungs got us some food…" he gently starts, slowly easing himself down and next to the other male. Beomgyu paid him no mind, but the crazed smile slowly melts from his face and morphs into a blank stare.

"Hueningie...do you love me?" The questions is so spontaneous Hueningkai nearly stutter in his words "Of course I love you hyung" 

Beomgyu nods his head but his eyes are still not meeting Hyuka's, "Does Taehyunie loves me too? Hey Taehyun ah..do you love me?" He pats the corpse again, his Daegu accent fully out now. "Ya answer me you brat" he hisses, the maknae watches in speechless silence. What in the world is going on with Beomgyu? 

"Hyung come on, let's go eat…" he carefully tugs Beomgyu by the arm, yanking up the slightly older boy up to his feet. It isn't really a task with how paper light his hyung was, Beomgyu shuts up all the sudden and Hueningkai worries that he might have done or said something wrong. 

But the part where he is suddenly pushed against the wall is definitely unpredictable, Beomgyu's piercing gaze stares him down yet those orbs almost hold no emotions other than despair.

"Kiss me"

Okay _what the absolute fuck_

Hueningkai shoves the other male away from him out of panic, "Hyung what the hell?!" Beomgyu stumbles a few steps back but his gaze is trained on the maknae. "You love me don't you? Kiss me" there is definitely some kind of damage done in his head for him to be acting so aggressive and...and weird!

"Hyung that's not what I meant! I don't…..i don't mean it _that_ way!" How could he ever think of his hyung like that?! Beomgyu's glare falters "But you said you love me?!" His voice cracking with desperation and need, heart too shattered and mind too broken to think. 

Perhaps he had lost sight of the person he is, just a soul dangling to a string of survival, only his fear of death standing in between him and his checkmate.

Heuningkai takes a few strides forward and cups Beomgyu's face between his hands, "Hyung, Beomgyu hyung...snap out of it...please listen to me hyung…." He pleads, Beomgyu's hands resting by his side, unmoving. "Don't do this to us...to you… please hyung….we're….going to make it out of here.." 

Beomgyu's breath ragged, coming out shaky as Hueningkai talks him out of his hysteria. After ten grueling minutes of pure tense which is torture itself, Hueningkai lets go of a dazed Beomgyu who now is more calmed. "Thanks…." He whispers, feeling more grounded. 

Heuningkai shakily nods his head, too exhausted to even process his thoughts. "Yeah…" they sit down together and just stay that way for a little while, trying to recollect their thoughts.

"Boys...is everything alright? You were gone for some time…." Jungkook's head peeks in to see the two boys already asleep while leaning against the wall.

Beomgyu resting his head on Hueningkai's shoulder while the maknae’s arm is wrapped around his smaller hyung. Jungkook can't help but smile fondly, he quietly moves them to a cleaner spot than the one near the bloody corpse they were sitting at and lets the two lay down next to each other and pull a cloth to cover their bodies from the cold.

Jungkook lets the boys cuddle up to each other in their sleep, cooing at how adorable it was despite their situation. Plus, it's not like he knew what went down between the two teens hours ago. 

Jungkook secretly pecks both boys on their foreheads, whispering 'rest well' before returning back to the front area. "Where are Hyuka and Beomgyu?" Yeonjun asks after seeing how Jungkook emerges from the backroom alone. 

Soobin looks up to the eldest worriedly, Moa on his lap leaning against his chest. "Are they alright?" Jungkook assures the leader with a nod and turns his attention back to Yeonjun, he feels that he has to confront him about the...thing somehow.

The male is watching Soobin conversing random topics with Moa with a loving gaze, finding it endearing how Soobin is doing his best to distract Moa although he should be concerned with what topics Soobin is tackling. Random things that he perfectly remembers Taehyun used to ramble to them all the time, gracing their boredom in waiting rooms with his 'fun facts' about everything and anything. Like the thing with bears or the knee reflex thing. 

Moa listens and sometimes puts out his own opinions too, which strikes another similarity with Taehyun, so full of curiosity and will always obediently listen to each of their words. It was wrong and most likely disrespectful in Taehyun's memory for them to be pretending someone else is him, but it's just much _easier_ that way. 

"Yeonjun...can we talk..?" Yeonjun is slightly startled when Jungkook suddenly interrupts his train of thoughts, "Sure, what is it hyung?" Jungkook's eyes trail towards the two boys talking amongst themselves and bit his lips. "Not here...maybe back there..?"

"Huh? Why hyung?" Yeonjun can feel a lump forming in his throat, insides feeling queasy by the request. That alone already gave him a rough idea where this conversation will be going, he thought he had been discreet about it but obviously the senior has caught on. Jungkook doesn't look mad or anything, just anxious as he begs for the younger male to just follow along with him through the plea in his eyes.

Yeonjun sighs, he reluctantly lets himself be guided to walk towards a seat much further away from the pair, thankfully those two are too deep into their discussions about how penguins are birds to even notice or care about Jungkook and Yeonjun moving away. Yeonjun gulps when he sees how conflicted Jungkook looks, the senior singer scratching the back of his head unsure of how to start.

"I'm turning"

Jungkook's head snaps up to him so fast, eyes blinking in shock. "You noticed somehow…" It really is a surprise for Yeonjun considering how he was really careful to not show the black ink that is slowly traveling up his body, painting his veins in black. "The bread….you said it was.....vanilla….but its buttercream…" Yeonjun curses at himself internally, his damned mouth. Stupid virus taking away his senses.

"How...how long?"

"Weeks, I don't remember the exact number of weeks but….... it's been a while. The virus is moving super slowly for some reason.." he tugs down a bit of the edge of his pants, showing bits of black growing up through his veins on his pelvis. Jungkook shuts his eyes and takes one deep shaky breath, his fingers fidget, inching to claw onto something to keep him steady.

_'No please...no no…'_ he begs in his mind but what more is there to say? How can something that is real and displayed before him be fake? "They don't know..?" Yeonjun shakes his head wildly.

"For their own sake, they can't know. Losing Taehyun was enough to break us till this….this...mess...they can't know hyung. At least, they can't know about this now…... not yet." Yeonjun gasps out, praying hard that Jungkook wouldn't pressure him into telling the others or worse, he tells them himself. His eyes pricking with fearful tears, Jungkook hops out of his seat and embraces the boy in a hug. 

"Please hyung, please they can't know…..they can't know yet….we'll be unfixable" 

But aren't they already are? A boy who lost his mind, a leader who's sanity depends on a decoy that he deluded himself into thinking is real, a youngest who is slowly losing faith and tired of carrying the burdens of his hyungs and someone who is already awaiting them at the gates of afterlife, ready to welcome his brothers when their time comes, which by the looks of things isn't too far away.

Jungkook cardles the boy in his arms, softly rocking him as he tries to calm his own heartbeat. _'I just got you guys back, I can't lose any more people in my life….i just...can't'_ He has been surviving without a purpose for so long, he just got these boys back, his reasons. 

For them to be ripped away from his palms so soon, can the world be that cruel? Taking everything from him, his hyungs, his family, and now these boys who are all he's left with. Jungkook bites down the urge to sob and focuses on calming the panicking boy first.

It was easier for Yeonjun to distract himself and focus on other things like how Taehyun is gone, there's a kid who is a carbon copy of him, Beomgyu's attachment and Hyuka's crumbling faith or Soobin's delusions. Ignoring is easier than confronting or coming clean to himself with what is happening, but he can't avoid that now when his issue is the main discussion here.

Yeonjun can't believe he is actually trembling, the weight of his reality finally crashing on to him, the weight he hadn’t realized he was ignoring the entire time. The feeling of how his senses slowly fades away, the aching burn that signifies how his body is _dying_ , being able to feel every inch of this terrifying process of turning into a mindless deceased creature.

It scares him, its **_fucking terrifying_ **

"Shhhh… it's okay..i won't….your secret's safe with me Junnie…" Jungkook soothes him although uncertainty laced his tone, Yeonjun's trembling hands grips Jungkook's shirt "Hyung I don't want to die" and that breaks Jungkook to even hear it. 

The elder male is speechless, baffled and could not form the right words, he can't even form words. The senior idol can do nothing more but hold the young boy, Yeonjun is barely an adult yet, too young to be begging for his life. 

"Hyungs..?" Soobin walks over to them with Moa in his arms, worried colours his face at the sight of Yeonjun sobbing out loud. The last time Yeonjun was like this was….when he found out about Taehyun. 

"Uh...he needs a minute.." Jungkook tries to say. Soobin nods in understanding, "I'll take care of him. You can look after Moa?" the leader offers which Jungkook immediately agreeds.

It will do Yeonjun a lot more good to get comforted by his own bandmate, Jungkook takes Moa to the back room where he could see Beomgyu and Hueningkai are still asleep. "Jungkook hyung, am I a bother?" the question is so sudden it nearly had him tripping over air, "What?! No! of course not...why would you think so kid?"

The little one shrugs, "Hueningkai hyung and Beomgyu hyung don't like me when we first met, Yeonjun sometimes pretends he can't see me, Soobin hyung keeps calling me Taehyun sometimes….am I causing trouble?" ever since he followed these hyungs, the child has always felt oddly like he was intruding. 

But Moa chose to keep quiet, the hyungs are already going great lengths to protect and take care of him, the last thing he would want to do is to sound ungrateful. Sure it was nice, he looked up to these boys in more ways than one, admired them for some time.

But with all that's been happening Moa guesses the hyungs changed a lot, they weren't the same guys he saw dancing on TV. Taehyun hyung is gone, he was really sad when he learned that because Taehyun was his favorite among them, but he knows the hyungs are far much more sad about Taehyun than him.

His sister always told him he looked a lot like the idol, it must be hard for the hyungs to look at him and only be reminded of Taehyun who they lost.

"Oh no Moa, you're not. It's hard to explain...but you're not being a trouble for them.." Jungkook tries to say, he is bewildered to hear such words from a child so young, once again reminded that their world is so fucked up. 

"Is it because I look like Taehyun hyung?" 

_Oh shit_

Moa is mature for his age than most kids, he knew how bothered TXT hyungs were by his appearance so he mostly kept his hood up. He knew somehow Soobin was using him to cope with Taehyun’s passing which was why he never bothered to correct the hyung. It was weird and slightly uncomfortable for him at first but he gradually got used to it.

Plus it served Soobin hyung a little peace so he's not entirely being a burden here.

"Don't think too much about it okay?" Jungkook pulls the boy into his lap to hug the child and feels Moa nodding into the crook of his neck. It bothered him a lot that Moa might be feeling as if they were using him or that the child thinks he's being deadweight.

"You're not causing problems, you're not being a burden, we're all just trying to survive and we'll be okay"

"Will we?" The small boy whispers out, voice small and timid "Yeah, we will. Don't worry we'll be alright" 

Hueningkai held his breath the entire time, he heard every word. The guilt is slowly crawling up his body and he doesn't know if he should announce himself or continue pretending to sleep. The maknae of TXT is not blind nor dumb to know he hasn't been treating the child right, it wasnt Moa's fault he looked a lot like Taehyun, not his fault he is so similar to his late best friend.

Jungkook takes a deep breath and grins, "Let's talk about something else, you like to dance?" Moa perks up at this and nods furiously with a big smile. "I even learned how to dance to Crown!" he exclaims, Jungkook's heart warmed at the boy's happy face, but he is instantly reminded of one particular memory with Taehyun.

_"Hyung! Ah I didn't hear you come in, do you want to use the studio?" Taehyun exclaims when he saw Jungkook tip-toeing in to grab his forgotten bag. "No it's fine I'm just taking this, are you composing?"_

_Taehyun shyly nods, ears already red as he leans back to show the screen in front of him. Jungkook giggles "Wow so young yet so talented! You'll go far I'm sure" he walks over to ruffle the boy's fluffy brown hair. "Thanks hyung!"_

_"Actually, let me give you something" he bends down and rummages through his bag and pulls out a headphone. He gives the clearly very expensive object to Taehyun whose eyes are bulging with shock. "Hyung woah this is.."_

_"I bought this weeks ago but I kind of liked the ones I already have better so you can have it, I only used it twice and its high quality" Taehyun beamed at him so bright he nearly squealed at how cute the younger boy was. "Thank you hyung! I'll use it well!"_

"Okay Moa, lets see it!"

* * *

Soobin sits down next to Yeonjun, the elder immediately leaning towards him, burying his face into Soobin's clothes to muffle his crying. "Hyung it's okay….hey...it's gonna be okay…" Soobin coaxes as he puts an arm around Yeonjun, securing him tightly.

"No it's not...oh god...I'm...scared...I'm so scared..I don't wanna die Soobin" He rambles on and on, words slowly jumble up and not making much sense. "Hyung...hyung you're not going to die...you're not going to die, I won't allow it okay? I'm going to protect you...protect us…"

But Soobin can't protect him from the deadly virus that is eating him up, Soobin can't save him from turning into a creature of death because Soobin doesn't know, he doesn't know Yeonjun is a lost cause. 

The taller boy cups his face and forces Yeonjun to look at him in the eye, those grimly shadowed orbs of a leader who lost too much stares into his own. "I won't let anything happen to any of us...not anymore" leaning in, Soobin peppers Yeonjun's face with pecks of kisses. 

For a second, or maybe a minute, Yeonjun feels safe. Safe because Soobin’s presence itself is so ensuring no matter how absurd their odds are. Safe because Soobin’s genuine nature still remains after all the trauma and this person who is handling him so gently is someone he has been in love with for so long although they were too late to pursue their love.

The world fell apart before they could come true to their feelings. 

Maybe in a different life, they can be together, happily. They don't have to suffer any loss or pain, they can be together as five, living their dreams.

Soobin's soft voice lulls Yeonjun into slumber, the older boy going limp in his arms. The leader of TXT sighs, it's not easy for Yeonjun to break so it really worries him how much the elder is trembling just moments ago. 

He picks Yeonjun up bridal style and walks to the back where he can hear clapping and whistling, he pauses at the sight. Moa is doing the post chorus part for Crown with the brightest smile Soobin has ever seen on his face while Jungkook is cheering him on with two smiling boys beside him.

The little boy happily sang the song with all his might, the dance is a little off but it is adorable. Beomgyu has a small smile, his body leaning against Hueningkai with his head resting on the youngest's shoulder, his face shows signs of longing, yearning but goes blank with worry when he sees Yeonjun.

Hueningkai watches with concern when Beomgyu scrambles up to his feet to rush over, "Is he alright? What's wrong?" Soobin assures him Yeonjun is just tired and sat down with the elder still in his arms fast asleep, somehow he slept better this way.

"Ta-da!!" Moa finished with the final position in Crown, everyone clapped but not too loud in order to not bother Yeonjun from waking up. "That was really good! You are a good dancer" Hueningkai compliments him, the little boy looks surprised to hear that from the elder but shyly nods. 

Beomgyu reaches out a hand for a hi-five and the child happily accepts it, "Keep it up and you can stand on stage one day with us" he tells the boy, Moa looks at him with nervous eyes yet hopeful eyes "Will I really get to? Even if….." he trails his eyes towards Yeonjun's leg. 

Oh yeah, even if they were to step on the stage again as idols, Yeonjun can't dance so it will just be three of them. Three…..even the number sends shudders down their spine.

"Sure you will….one day" 

* * *

"So, what's our plan?"

Night falls hours ago, Moa is tucked asleep by Soobin because the adults plus Beomgyu and Hueningkai need to talk. Hueningkai first explained what he learned about the virus and which leads to their current situation.

Where do they go from here?

"What do you mean by that hyung? We are still heading for Busan right?" Jungkook snaps his head up at the mention of his hometown. "What? Why Busan?" Soobin explains how their last info is that Busan is the last standing survival camp for South Korea. 

It almost made the senior cry in relief, Jungkook slumps down in his seat in disbelief at how there might be a slight chance his family are still alive. "We can head for Busan but….we don't have any means of transport, all the vehicles are dead...and we don't know what's out there…we are safer here" Soobin reasons. 

Hueningkai sighs "But we can't really stay here either...the food supply is limited and there’s 6 of us...we don't know how long this….this...apocalypse is going to last" he adds, honestly there really isn't a difference for him for both choices.

"I think we should head for Busan, it's better to be with all the other survivors...and maybe...our families survived" Hueningkai's gaze cast to Jungkook who is still stunned at the chance of seeing his family again.

"We don't even know if the info is still true, I agreed with Soobin…..we should just stay here and wait it out…." Yeonjun states, as much as he would love to know if there might be a possibility his family somehow someway manage to survive the virus, he rather not risk them going out there again where chances of their own survival is slim.

There's heavy tension in the room, Yeonjun and Soobin glaring off with Hyuka. They turn to look at their senior for his opinion but fazed Jungkook is still trying to recollect his thoughts. Beomgyu is sitting on one chair, staring at the table with an emotionless gaze.

"Hyungs…" he calls out with a low tone.

The three turn to face him, Beomgyu slowly raises his head to look at them in the eye "If we survive or not.....what's the difference?...I...I...was dead a long time ago.." he muttered almost weakly, hugging himself as he does. He is tired, exhausted from fighting each day for his sanity and his life which is probably why his mouth is simply running without filters because even the senior idol looks up to gaze at him in horor.

"Beomgyu...hey don't say that" Soobin coaxes but the younger shakes his head, covering his ears as he does. "No...no..stop lying hyung...just stop, NOBODY HERE BELIEVES THAT BULLSHIT!!" He exclaims in anger. Jungkook jumps in to intervene "Beomgyu, woah look just calm down-" the blond yanks his hand away from Jungkook.

"NO you don't get to say that! You don't fucking know what I had to do, what I had to fucking live through, YOU DON'T KNOW SO DON'T TELL ME TO CALM THE FUCK DOWN" Never in his life would he ever thought he'll be cursing out _the_ BTS's Jeon Jungkook because he can't get a grip of himself but here he is.

Soobin's starting to panic now, zombie apocalypse or not this is still their senior. Hueningkai is beyond gawking at his hyung for a year while Yeonjun is about to tear the boy a new one for being a jerkish insensitive brat in a time like this.

Jungkook however remains calm as ever, smiling softly as he bends down to crouch in front of a fuming yet clearly stressed out Beomgyu. "Yeah...i don't know what you went through….but hey, I lost all my hyungs in a day….I get what you're feeling right now….I get that...you feel hopeless…."

He clasps his hands around Beomgyu's trembling ones, "...but you're strong Gyu, you made it this far….why not finish the race? You're already halfway there….it's tough...but...we're all here for you. We're going to be okay" Beomgyu slowly tears up, droplets of tears dripping down his face, Jungkook pulls him into a hug. 

Honestly he's been doing a lot of hugging lately and Jungkook doesn't care if it was from being deprived of physical contact or he is simply clinging to these physical contact after so long of losing his hyungs. He has them now and he will do everything in his power to protect these boys.

"Lets just put it this way….who votes we should stay here?" Soobin asks once Beomgyu is more settled down, he raises his hand along with Yeonjun. "Who votes we should keep heading for Busan?" Three hands rise to the air, Soobin's face turns slightly grim but majority rules so he has no choice.

"I guess that's settled then…" Jungkook starts, "We're going to head for Busan"

* * *

The early morning air isn't as fresh as when there are bloody corpses of zombies piled up in one corner, they planned the entire trip that night. Busan is only an hour or so driving distance away, if they move fast and don't bump into any hordes they can reach there within a day's time.

"Hyung are we leaving?" Moa asks Soobin as the leader brushes his hair with his hands and helps Moa put on a new grey sweater and black bucket hat. The sweater is at least four times his size so the child is basically swimming in it, it was so adorable Soobin had to squeal to himself.

"Yeah, but it's really dangerous out there Tyun ah, you have to listen to what hyung tells you okay? If I tell you to run and hide, you must listen" he reminds the kid, completely unaware he had called Moa by the wrong name. But Moa tilts his head and grins, "Okay hyungie"

Jungkook is checking his backpack, making sure he has all he needs, Beomgyu is getting ready to carry Yeonjun again because Hueningkai needs to be on standby for emergency defence. The eldest of them pulls out several knives that he collected, "All of us have to be armed with something"

Beomgyu tied one smaller knife to his thigh, Yeonjun kept three on him plus a fully loaded gun. Soobin joins them with Moa, Jungkook crouches down in front of the child and holds out a fair sized blade and a gun. "Use this to protect yourself…" Soobin clears his throat, looking very against the notion of giving a 7 year old child weapons.

"He doesn't need these, we'll protect him" he emphasizes, Moa too did not look too comfortable being told he had to hold a weapon with him. Jungkook sighs hard and pockets the gun, child or not they are going to be moving on foot and anything could fucking happen out there. There are no guarantees that they could keep each other safe. 

The only surviving member of BTS gives Soobin a firm glare that leaves no room for arguments "Just in case…" he places the dagger in Moa's sweater pockets. Jungkook pats Moa on the head with a smile and then tosses the gun to Hueningkai, the younger shoves the thing in his pocket and picks up his bat, he also throws on his own backpack.

"Everyone ready?" Beomgyu gulps, Yeonjun is already on his back and although the oldest of his bandmates is anything but heavy, their little 'talk' from yesterday still weights his mind. Hueningkai anxiously grips tighter onto his weapon, Soobin's hands locked around Moa's, no intention of ever letting it loose or go.

Jungkook nods "Okay let's go" 

They move with great caution, slipping through cracks between buildings and staying out of open spaces with every sense on guard for danger. Beomgyu's breathy pants labours over some time as he carries Yeonjun on his back, Soobin has to occasionally carry Moa when they had to be extra quiet or stealthy 

The group did run into a few stray zombies but thankfully no large hoards. "W-wait...I..I need a break" Beomgyu gasps out after 2 hours of either sprinting and walking on top of two adrenaline from running into those mindless creatures. 

"Yeah we've gone quite a distance.." Soobin agrees, Moa also looks tired from their journey. They hide in a mini mart this time, Hueningkai and Jungkook easily finish off the zombies in the store as they are also much slower and weak. "Lets leave in an hour or so.." Yeonjun suggests that nobody protest.

Hueningkai stumbles down to his knees, gripping his arm as he hisses in pain. One zombie managed to claw his arm really tight, the sleeve of his hoodie is slightly ripped, a nasty scratch on his arm which made him grimace. 

Moa runs over to him with a medkit from Jungkook, brown fluffy hair on full display with the bucket hat gone "Let me help Heuningkai hyung, Soobin hyung taught me how to do it" the child exclaims, looking up to him with a hopeful gaze and positioned himself next to the wound arm. His hands carefully pulled out cotton buds and ointments. 

_"Let me help you Hyuka, Yeonjun hyung already showed me how to do this move"_

Hueningkai bits his lips, he shuts his eyes tight and nods with full reluctance. He doesn't want to look at Moa as the child works meticulously to treat the minor wound. Moa takes a glance up and notices immediately, "Oh no I'm so sorry hyung, wait-" 

Moa takes off mid way which confuses Hueningkai but when the child comes running back with the bucket hat that almost covers his entire face, Hueningkai just wants to punch himself again. He keeps his head down as he works, small hands working delicately.

Even a child understands, and yet some part of him keeps yelling that Moa shouldn't be this attentive, this understanding because it showcases a very high maturity for his age. It makes him more similar to his late best friend, _too similar._

"You don't have to do that…" he mumbles, eyes cast down and away from the kid. "It's alright hyung, I don't mind it…" why must Moa be so goddamn good at this? _'I shouldn't be this bothered…'_ he thought to himself. "You must have really loved Taehyun hyung…" Hueningkai hums at that, feeling his heart freezing up at the memories.

"He's my best friend.." Hueningkai says witha tinge of fondness, Moa nods along "Yeah...my best friend..he...I...think he's with them too...I know how that feels hyung...I think I do" at this point, Moa even catches the attention of the other hyungs in the room. 

If they were to actually think about it, they never knew what happened to Moa before they found him and the boy never brought it up either. Other than the fact his mother sacrificed herself and hid him when she turned, they don't know what Moa has been through in the apocalypse before meeting them. 

At the very least, they had each other. Even in that time they've lost and faced tragic incidents, they have one another to depend and rely on. But not Moa, he doesn't have anyone.

Hueningkai breaths out a bated breath, feeling much worse and 10 times more of an asshole than ever, "I'm sorry….I...shouldn't be treating you like this M-Moa" Moa shakes his head, a small smile gracing his lips as he shakes his head "Its okay….I told you hyung, I don't mind" and reveals a neatly wrapped bandage on Hyuka's arm. 

He did mind, just not anymore.

Beomgyu passed out in seconds a little later from exhaustion, Moa managed to gather some wits and cuddle up to the elder for a nap. Beomgyu's arms welcome him anyway, warmly hugging him while still in his sleep. And it was the first time Beomgyu didn't show any scrunched up or bothered facial expressions on his face as he slept.

Soobin sits next to Hueningkai, Yeonjun is conversing with Jungkook as they munch on some biscuits. He holds out a bread for the maknae, who takes it with a blank face while still clutching his bandaged arm. "Are you still upset about Tyun being with us?"

"His name is Moa hyung"

"...I know"

"Then why are you calling him that?" Hyuka accusingly arch an eyebrow at the leader, Soobin looks away sheepishly. "It just slipped at times…" at times? More like most of the time. "How about you? How are you feeling Ningning?" The nickname brings warmth but also feels so foreign.

But why is Soobin suddenly acting like this? Like...like the old him, the one that died when he pulled the trigger and had to put an end to his little brother's life. "Hyung, you are acting weird...are _you_ okay?" Soobin shrugs and keeps his mouth shut, not answering the question thrown at him. "He's there again…"

Hueningkai looks around, "What?"

Soobin smiles and points at Hyuka's shoulder, "He's there..." but nothing is there, not a shadow or a figure. "He's leaning at you…" Hueningkai sighs and shakes his head frustratingly but also disheartenedly. "No he's not….hyung he's not...that's not him" _that's just your head playing tricks on you…_

Soobin grins and it is starting to creep the maknae out, "I know..but...I pretend he's real sometimes..." he's so tired of pushing and suppressing his feelings, why not just accept what is happening to him? Just accept that he's going to see these images of Taehyun with them as he goes about, he's done fighting that, so tired of fighting it. 

"That's dangerous hyung...you're going to hurt yourself…." Hueningkai reminds him, it gets more worrying as time goes. "Hurt? _*laughs lightly*_ Ningning...don't you think...we bleeded too much...to be hurt?" Hueningkai remains silent at the statement, only nodding after a pause "You're right..we are.."

"We should get going, I'll wake them up," Jungkook announces after eyeing his watch a couple times, he walks over to gently pat Beomgyu's shoulder to wake him up. The boy jolts up awake, one arm protectively shielding Moa and another grabbing Jungkook's arm in a tight grip. 

His eyes shake with fear, but Jungkook quickly assures him everything is alright "Shh...it's okay Gyu….it's just me…"

Beomgyu's grip slowly eases and he apologizes for the sudden attack, Moa clings to him for comfort and the blond lets him. They quickly pack up again and this time, Soobin is the one carrying Yeonjun on his back. They move out as stealthily as before, Beomgyu making sure Moa is by his side at all times.

They repeat the same cycle, working their way on foot for an hour or two before stopping to rest again. It is actually going pretty well, nobody is seriously injured or potentially infected. Jungkook beams when he sees the familiar sign that indicates they reached Busan. 

"We're nearly there guys….just a little more.." He says with a tinge of hope in his breathy voice, they have to head for Haeundae-gu which is where the said camp is known to be at. "We're currently in my neighborhood's district….and we need to head here…" he points at a local map stand.

Jungkook lets out a shaky breath, this eerily feels so oddly out of place for him. This deserted ghost town he used to call the place he spent his childhood in did not bring any nostalgia vibes for him at all. The other boys can only give him sympathetic looks, they've all seen how the virus destroys their hometowns. 

Jungkook shakes his negative thoughts away, "Are we good to go?" He is a little worried that the boys might be too worn out to keep moving but they each nod to the senior. "We're okay hyung...almost there.." Soobin says, ignoring how his body is screaming at him to quit. Beomgyu feels sore all over but since it helped to keep him focused he doesn't say a word.

Pain has a way of making sure your thoughts don't drift off to places you don't want them to and also effective if you wanna keep yourself in tune with reality.

Yeonjun honestly doesn't feel like he has a say when all he's been is a burden they had to carry, literally. His condition is slowing them down and worst of all he knows this is all a waste of effort since he's going to die regardless of anything. They can't see it but the black veins are now up to his abdomen, it won't be long till he has to tell them the truth.

Won't be long till they had to kill him for their own sake.

Hueningkai however is ready to shake his head and begs them to be done for the day. After the fight with those adults, he gets paranoid each time he has to fight off those mindless creatures, feeling they would overtake him. The panic rush each time he has to swing his bat into a skull is severely taking a toll not only on his sanity but even in his physical strength.

But they are so close, so near their destination and although it doesn't mean they're completely safe, at least it'll serve them some sort of space to breathe and not feel like something is going to bite them from the back every 5 minutes. So Hueningkai keeps his mouth shut, his body can handle just a little more of this trauma and it'll all be okay.

_Right?_

They are currently moving in an alleyway, ears and eyes on full alert. Jungkook raises a hand to stop them when he hears a tumbling sound of footsteps. "Hueningkai….my six" he reminds the younger and pulls out his weapon, Soobin yanks Moa close to him and huddles up to Beomgyu.

Then someone jumps out from down from a window above and lands in front of Jungkook fluidly. A lady in muddy clothing raises a gun at them, "Target secured" she says with her breath still panting. "Woah calm down, we're not zombies.." Jungkook reasons although his unoccupied hand is reaching into his back pocket for a gun himself.

Another lady and two guys appear and surround them, but they lower their weapons once confirming that the group of boys aren't the undead creatures. "Survivors? But how..?" One of them exclaims, "We traveled here from Seoul...." Soobin steps out to say, Moa buries his head into his shoulder fearfully but the leader pats his back to calm him down.

"And none of you are infected?" One of the guys demands, still in a defensive position. "No, is it true there's a survivors camp here?" Jungkook shuts down the argument immediately, he hates that he's lying but he trusts Yeonjun, he trusts the younger boy knows what he's doing. "Well yeah but….it's a long story...let's just get you guys back".

The other female looks at her worriedly, "Are you sure..?" She nods at that, "Thank you" Jungkook says and pulls down his hood to reveal his face. The new faces are quick to morph into shock, "You're Jeon Jungkook of BTS!" the first lady exclaims. They apologize if they were too rude which Jungkook waves it off since being an idol really has no meaning now.

Yeonjun notice they are actually wearing some sort of...soldier uniform? "They're soldiers…." Yeonjun mumbles to Beomgyu, "W-we're...we're gonna be safe…" the boy softly mutters back almost disbelievingly. 

The group is now led by the first lady, Minjoo and her unit mates, Daeun, Seokwoo and Myunsik. Daeun wants to hold Moa but he refuses to go to her, which makes Soobin feel much more relieved since he has yet to completely trust these people. Last time gave him major trust issues.

"The camp is just a few kilos away, we're very close" Minjoo announces, Hueningkai stuck close to Soobin, being on the edge for too long is exhausting and he wants to just relax himself for a bit. "Ty-Moa we're gonna be okay" Soobin whispers to the child. "Hyung you can put me down, I can walk.." something in his gut said no but his shoulder is getting really tired so Soobin lets the Taehyun-look-alike walk next to him.

It is all calm…... until it wasn't

"Start running, don't scream and don't look back" Seokwoo calls out to them, every one of them breaks into a sprint. Hueningkai looks back and nearly blanches, fear instantly kicking him into running faster, the grip on his bat tightens, a big horde is chasing them. 

A big horde that is as active and wild as the ones they encounter on day 1.

Moa's terrified scream is muffled by Soobin clamping his mouth shut with his hand, and he is forced to drag the child by the arm to run faster, unable to carry him since he had taken upon himself to take Yeonjun from Beomgyu who looks like his legs are ready to give away at any given moment. 

Gunshots are heard as the four soldiers start to fire them down one by one, "We can't lead them to the camp! We have to lose them here!" Myunsik yells, "This way!!" Minjoo shouts and they follow her into a large row of half destroyed shops and stalls, heavy rapid footsteps echoing the abandoned place. 

They rush into a big marketplace and the four soldiers are quick to barricade the door with metal shelves to keep it shut.

But the glass door is transparent and the zombies are pushing against the glass, it's cracking with each second and it won't be long till it breaks and the hungry creatures will flood in. "GO!! Go ahead!! We'll catch up!! Daeun, follow them!" Minjoo orders, harshly motioning for her unit mate to go. 

Jungkook who is helping to push against the door is speechless as he is pulled away by Daeun to run away with the other boys, the other three shove their guns at him and yell at them to leave. Leaving the three soldiers alone, he can't help but feel pity at Daeun's mortified face, they all knew those three won't catch up. 

"Soobin hyung!" Hyuka yells when the elder suddenly trips but is able to keep running, he has Moa clinging to him as they run for the back entrance. "Come on quick-" Daeun is not able to finish her sentence when a zombie jumps and bites down on her neck when she busts open a door. Hyuka pushes Moa behind him and backs away instantly.

Hueningkai and Beomgyu's blood curdling screams is followed by more gunshots by Yeonjun who is shaking as he holds on to his gun. More zombies pile out and they are forced to rush into a different route, the ones armed with guns are firing down as many zombies as they can while still sprinting for their life. 

"Out out OUT GET OUT!!" Jungkook kicks down a door that says exit and stops to fire at more zombies until all the boys make it through, "Move it!!" He shouts as Hueningkai is last to pass through with Moa and the gun runs out of ammo. Jungkook slams shut the door and tails the rest. They are rushing down the streets again, the horde is definitely smaller but still very chasing them.

"HYUNG!! I CAN'T!!" Beomgyu exclaims, his limbs are going weak and he is slowing down very fast. "BEOMGYU, NO!" Yeonjun cried out but Jungkook swiftly scoops him up and throws the boy over his shoulder with ease "Hey Gyu, think you can shoot some down for me bud?" Beomgyu harshly nods and takes one of the guns the soldier gave Jungkook earlier. 

The eldest of TXT breathes out in relief at that and continues to fire more bullets at the horde behind them. "Give Yeonjun hyung to me!" Hueningkai calls out to Soobin, the leader easily does so because his own back is hurting from running with extra weight on it. "I see it guys!! That must be the camp!!" Yeonjun exclaims, there's a fort of some sort surrounded by barricades and armed soldiers. 

"HEY, HELP US!! PLEASE!! HELP US!!!" Hueningkai screams with all his might but they are just a tad too far away to be heard yet. "Hyung-" Moa stumbles and falls to the ground with a thud. Soobin widens his eyes, one heel plants down and he maneuvers himself to turn around in pure panic. "TAEHYUN!!!" 

"SOOBIN HYUNG NO!!!" Beomgyu screeches and Jungkook too turns back and pulls out blades "SOOBIN!!" Beomgyu jumps off his back and pulls out his own blades. They start to fight off the many zombies, crushing their skulls and slashing their sides. Soobin is smashing away any zombies that are closing in on him and Moa, "H-Hyung!!!" Moa cries out, sinking the knife he is holding into one of the skulls that tried to bite him.

"I'M HERE I WON'T LET THEM HURT YOU!!" The leader exclaims, but his own vision is blurring up with the amount of flesh hungry monsters coming at him. 

"Hang on!!" Hueningkai keeps on running, no matter what he has to reach there, to inform them what is happening. The soldiers on standby raise their weapons at the sight of him but are quick to aid when they hear his screams "HELP!! HELP PLEASE MY HYUNGS ARE BEING ATTACKED PLEASE!!!" His finger furiously pointing back where the clash can be seen.

"Go!!" The commander Hueningkai is assuming orders, Yeonjun is peeled off his back and Hueningkai instinctually ran back with his bat raised. With the help of a few more soldiers they manage to escape the horde and rush back to the camp in one piece.

Or at least they thought they were…

Soobin is startled when Moa chokes out blood as he runs with the child in his arms. His steps slow down and horror creeps up his body, he comes to halt and kneels to inspect Moa. "Soobin!! Did he-?!?" But Jungkook is cut off by a yell from the leader. 

"HE WASN'T!! I SWEAR NOT ONE OF THOSE THINGS EVEN TOUCHED HIM!! NO PLEASE!! NO NO NO IT CAN'T BE!!!" Moa is now laid on his lap as he cries out, a bloody part of his arm that he hadn’t noticed before is now visible. His round eyes that resemble Taehyun's struggles to look up to Soobin as the virus quickly takes his life.

"H-h-hyu..hy-ung.." and suddenly everything stilled.

The hand Soobin has on the child's chest tremble even more when the faint heartbeat dies down to nothing. No beat, just empty nothingness. "NO NO NO NO PLEASE PLEASE DON'T DO THIS ME!!! TAEHYUN NO PLEASE I CAN'T LOSE YOU AGAIN!!" Soobin screams his heart out and shakes the small motionless body.

"NO PLEASE THIS CAN'T BE I CAN'T LOSE YOU AGAIN I CAN'T FAIL YOU A SECOND TIME!! TAEHYUN PLEASE!! PLEASE WAKE UP!!!" His tears pour down like rain and the ache in his heart even drowns out the noises of gunshots, cries and screaming around him. Soobin clutches the body, unable to accept the reality of things.

***SLAP* *SLAP***

Soobin can barely process the sting on his cheeks and he is yanked up to his feet and forced to run. Somewhere in the chaos, Beomgyu's screams and Hueningkai's shouts mix in the air. "NO NO WE CAN'T LEAVE HIM!! WE CAN'T LEAVE HIM AGAIN!!!" The leader yells and tries to fight against the arms that are pulling him away from Moa's unmoving corpse that is left abandoned just like that.

But the arms pulling him are stronger, no matter how harshly he writhed he couldn't fight against it, his much weaker body is unable to put up a fight. At some point he is thrown to the ground, and as Soobin jumps to his feet to go back for Moa. He receives another slap to the face.

"STOP IT!! JUST SNAP OUT OF IT HYUNG!! THAT'S NOT TAEHYUN!! HE IS NEVER TAEHYUN BECAUSE TAEHYUN IS DEAD!! HE GOT BIT AND AND YOU SHOT HIM!! HE IS DEAD AND IS NEVER COMING BACK!!" Hueningkai lashes furiously out once they are in the safe proximity of the camp. 

When the maknae first saw what was happening, his blood ran cold. They were so close, so goddamn close to safety yet this innocent child, this little kid who has so much more to live for than any of them is the one to not make it?! After all the promises, all the assurance they give to make sure he can smile and live his life, to fulfill his dreams. 

Now it all means nothing. They can't even do this, can't even keep one small child safe. Can't even keep the promises they made with him. 

Beomgyu fell on his knees, his cries came out as uneven sobs "MOA NO!!! MOA!! NO NO NO!!!" Jungkook swoops down and scoops him up, carrying Beomgyu away in an instant while the boy is still screaming in his hysteria.

Hueningkai is immediately pulled back to reality and reacts quickly by slapping Soobin twice and pulling the leader up to his feet. The taller male struggled against his grip, arms crazily trying to reach out for the dead body of the child.

But Hueningkai was stronger in this sense, he yanks his hyung harshly, ignoring the maniacal shouts coming from Soobin. When Soobin still hadn't woken up from his 'delusions' after he was shoved to the ground, Hueningkai is so enraged, so sick of Soobin doing this to Taehyun and a literal child that he slaps the elder once again. 

The soldiers that are around them watch without a word as he lashes out at the leader, Beomgyu is being comforted by Jungkook but even the senior is stunned by the maknae's action. Jungkook is cradling a trembling Beomgyu, trying to soothe him by rubbing circles around his back while gawking at Hueningkai.

"STOP THIS BULLSHIT HYUNG!!! JUST STOP IT AND WAKE UP CAUSE NEITHER OF THEM DESERVE THIS!! YOU ARE DISRESPECTING TAEHYUN AND MOA FOR DOING THIS!! JUST WAKE UP SOOBIN HYUNG!! WHAT HAPPENED CAN'T BE ERASE!! YOU CAN'T RUN AWAY FROM THIS!!" 

Hueningkai kneels and cups Soobin's face in between his hands, his piercing eyes glare into the elder’s teary ones that are dripping with tears. "Don't do this to yourself, don't do this to the rest of us and don't _do this to_ **_them_ **" his voice echoes with seriousness.

All the while Yeonjun sat and stared, he refused to enter without his other bandmates. The eldest of TXT feels his breath being knocked out of his lungs when realization dawned on him of what happened. Yeonjun sat on the ground, sprawled out with his emotions all over the place and silent tears crawling down his cheeks.

He sees Beomgyu crying, Jungkook's lips murmuring comfort to the younger blond. Soobin in his crazed mania getting teared a new one by Hueningkai. The soldiers around them whispering amongst themselves, not knowing how to approach any of the boys.

But….he can't hear a thing.

Not the sound of boots against dirt or Soobin's very obviously loud shrieking. Not the angry shouts coming from Hueningkai or the cries of sorrow from the boy he messed up. There's simply nothing.

_No….no not now please…_

"...-llo? Hello are you there? Can you hear me?" 

Yeonjun is snapped out of his internal panic by a sudden recovery of his hearing. It wasn't the first time and this is definitely one of the many more to come. The zombies only rely on sight, which means other senses are unable to operate for them. 

He lost his taste, maybe his smelling too and now his hearing is being disrupted. "Hello Mr..? Can you hear me?" The soldier taps his cheeks, but doesn't he feel anything...? "Ah! Yeah…" he sees an unconscious Soobin being carried into the barricade and instantly worried.

"We sedated him….he was very...unstable…" one of them informs him as they help him off the ground. "Where's my maknae? Where is he?!" He asks for Hyuka when he remembers what he saw and looks around and sees the boy walking by himself, the trauma on his face tenfold more evident than ever.

The boy hugs his sides, moving slowly in his steps. "Hyuka!" He calls out, the maknae looks up to his hyung. "H-hyung..!" He rushes over to Yeonjun and nearly pushes them both to the ground. "H-h-hyung…Mo-Moa...he...he…" Yeonjun clings to the boy, one for support to stand and the other to hug the boy. 

"Shh...it's okay….we're here now…" he coos but Hueningkai only sobbed harder, the pain and despair filled his voice "We were so close….we were so close hyung….he shouldn't…..he shouldn't have…." Yeonjun bit his own lips, his own tears dripping when he remembered the little kid.

The child they failed to protect, strangely it felt like he let Taehyun down again, as if he fucked up the second chance he was given. Moa was so young, too young to die so soon, but then again, so were the rest of them.

Yeonjun holds onto Hueningkai and lets the soldiers lead them into the said camp, Jungkook is following behind them with a sleeping Beomgyu in his arms carried in bridal style. The maknae takes a deep breath and counts to ten, trying to calm the tremor that resides within him.

Hueningkai turns to face who he believes is the commanding officer of these soldiers, the man looks at him skeptically but the maknae gathers every last bit of his courage 

"We learnt something crucial about the zombies…."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TAEBINIEST:  
> We terribly sorry for the long wait 


	10. Forever Together

Hueningkai fidgets in the plastic chair nervously, Yeonjun squeezes his hand to help the maknae calm down. They were brought to the current leader of the camp to explain what they've learned while Jungkook looks over the other two.

"I see…..this is great news..if it's true that is…thank you boys" the man in charge told them and they were dismissed. Hueningkai still feels a sort of numbness, he couldn't properly think even as he walked through the small crowd of people with Yeonjun clinging to him for support. 

He hears a mumbling of someone talking but could not make out the words, he sees figures after figures of actual people instead of walking dead corpses but could not make out the faces.

They were told the camp used to be bigger, but a sudden breach caused them to shrink in numbers and currently there are only around 358 survivors left, that explains the active horde that attacked them. Yeonjun is trying to snap Hueningkai back to reality but the boy seems so lost in a daze he doesn't even faze when they reach the med tent and Yeonjun is ripped away from him.

There are a few people laid on the floor resting or being treated but Yeonjun's eyes immediately search for his other two bandmates. The boy nearly feels his heart stop beating at the sight of a certain someone, she is hugging Beomgyu tightly whilst the boy himself is too deep in shock to process anything. 

The woman darts her eyes and sees Yeonjun, her teary face breaking into a relief smile. "Yeonjunnie!" she makes her way over to him in only a few strides and embraces him warmly while muttering thanks to god. "Thank god you're alive...you're okay.." Yeonjun who is stunned speechless can't even begin to tell her she shouldn't be hugging him, she shouldn't be so glad that he was alive.

Not when they let her only son die.

"Mrs Kang…" He whispers, why oh fucking why does fate likes to twist them like this. The middle aged lady keeps hugging him, tears of gratitude dripping on Yeonjun's awfully ruined clothes. She pulls away and cups his face with care, Yeonjun swears the guilt in the pit of his stomach could eat him alive. 

"We're gonna be okay….we're safe here" 

She moves away from him to repeat the same actions with Hueningkai, the boy breaking apart at last when his late best friend's mother envelopes him in a warm hug that anchors him back to reality. The tall boy crumbles into a sobbing mess in her arms, incoherent words spilling out and filling the once relatively quiet tent.

The eldest of the group swallows a gulp, hands gripping hard on a chair to support himself while searching for his voice to say something "I'm sorry…" he manages to mumble out while dropping his gaze to the dirt on the ground. 

"Is he here?! Where is he?! Where's my brother?!" What seems to be a female soldier based on her attire barges in with haste followed by two men. One of the men gasps, his legs moving automatically to Jungkook who is tending Beomgyu and pulls him into a tight embrace.

He can't stop sobbing as he cradles the idol in his arms, hands buried in Jungkook's untied shoulder length hair while occasionally planting a kiss on his cheeks and forehead. "You're alive….you're _alive_ " his voice wavers with astonishment and relief. 

Jungkook's eyes are wide like saucers, his body freezing as he was pressed against the other body, his warmth is something he hadn't felt in a long while but familiar nonetheless . "Oh my g-god, I thought...I t-thought…" he looks up to the person, and lets his dam break.

His hands come to life as he hugs the older male, sobbing into his chest with newfound joy "H-hyung!!" His brother- _birth_ brother who is his number 1 supporter since the day he was born is here. He survived and Jungkook didn't actually lost everyone in his life 

"Hyung you're here!" He sobs and cries, his pent up emotions flowing past his walls like opened floodgates. 

Yeonjun watches the interaction with a tinge of envy, they've arrived hours ago yet no one showed up for him. It gravely confirms the thought he had, his family didn't make it and neither did Soobin's or Beomgyu's. Hueningkai did tell them his family went back to China before the outbreak, so they have no idea how to know if they're okay or not.

"Please where is-Mom!" The female soldier from before sprints over to where Mrs Kang is tending Hueningkai. _'Mom…..?...oh no, no way...'_ Yeonjun racks his memory for a confirmation. "Mom! Where's Taehyunnie?! They told me they found idol group members and said it was TXT?! Please where's Taehyun!?" She pleads to her mother.

The man, Yeonjun, finally recognizes as Mr Kang places a shaky hand on his daughter's shoulder, Mrs Kang's warm smile slightly cracks. She bites her lips hard as she tries to form words but she couldn't find her voice, eyes glistening with tears. She hugs her daughter whose face went from hopeful to distraught.

Mr Kang sighs and covers his eyes with one shaking hand, the man proceeds to embrace the two of his remaining family members. The sound of these heartbreaking sobs are not unfamiliar, he's heard and seen them cry more than he would've liked in these last few months, though he never could get used to it.

They didn't exchange words but the message was loud and clear

The father of now one daughter, breathes out a breath he had unconsciously held. His child, his son is gone. And part of him, deep down he refuses to believe it. A child that lost their parent is called an orphan but what do you call a parent that lost their child?

There isn't a word for something as dreadful as that.

Before this he could hope; they could hold onto a tiny spark of hope that maybe their little Taehyun that left home too early and too young to be a star is still out there somewhere, surviving till they could meet again. But now, with his brothers here all looking like they lost all reasons to keep living, it is evident that little Taehyunnie won't be coming home, not now, not ever.

Yeonjun sat himself down to the ground, curling up as he asked to be left alone, his emotions are dangerous for him to be left alone but good god he doesn't care anymore. Yeonjun has four days left, at _most_ his time is running up quickly and if he doesn't come up with something a lot of people, including his brothers, are going to die. 

He lift his gaze to see Beomgyu and Hueningkai leaning on each other as they drift asleep, Soobin still out cold, the elder Jeon treating his little brother's wounds and the Kangs mourning over the loss of their son that they as Taehyun's hyungs failed to protect.

How ironic that the one person whose family did survive the apocalypse had to also be the only person who didn't make it. 

Fate is twisted like that he thinks, like how they think he's okay even though it’s going to be his turn to die in a few days.

 _'I'm going to die…'_ Yeonjun shudders and hugs himself tighter, the terrifying thought of death is still something he has yet to make peace with. _'They need to kill me….'_ The epiphany nearly shocks him into fainting but Yeonjun grips onto his consciousness despite the way every part of him is _losing it_. 

One of them has to kill him

He concluded in seconds after that no random stranger is going to pull his plug because fuck that, if he is going to die, at least he died in the hands of people he cared and loves. 

Not Beomgyu since he put that boy through hell and back till he pretty much lost his sanity and Yeonjun be damned if he were to break the boy any further. Hueningkai is a big 'HELL TO THE NO', he is not putting the child who is the only one among them with a glimmer of hope to be normal again in that position, if Soobin can avoid it so can he. 

Jungkook has no business having Yeonjun's death hanging over his head when he already is burdened with the death of all his bangtan hyungs, Yeonjun can't make his sunbae go through that. The Kangs are out of the question by default. Suicide seems less troublesome for everyone but Yeonjun isn't sure he's brave enough for that.

Scratch that, he'll never be brave enough to do it.

Which leaves their leader, Soobin whose hands are already tainted with Taehyun's crimson and has already enough burden of guilt with just that on his shoulders. The person he had harbored feelings for and the person he trusts most in his life. 

Still, Yeonjun hesitates, Taehyun's death took an enormous toll on him and now with Moa gone…...Can Soobin bear another death in his hands? Would he do it? He eyes the raven haired male laying on the ground, "T-Tae...hyun...s..sor...ry…" his face twisting with discomfort in his drug induced slumber. Yeonjun scoots over, he runs his hand through the black fringes on Soobin's face, a sad expression on his face.

"I'm sorry….but I want to be selfish….just one last time…..I hope you can forgive me love…" he carefully adjusts himself so he could lay down next to Soobin, with one arm placed across the leader's chest as he cuddles up to Soobin. The growing tiredness slowly pulls him into slumber, eyelids feeling heavy as they droop. 

Four boys slept without fearing for their lives for the first time in a long time.

_

"What now?" The question is followed by a yelp from Beomgyu when someone bumps into him as they are walking, it is quite early in the morning and the sun has yet to fully rise but they were quickly shook awake and told to wash up and eat breakfast.

"I don't know Ning…." Yeonjun answers with a sigh.

Soobin who has been dead silent since he woke up continues to walk along as he is tugged by the maknae, his eyes bore no emotions and they are glued to the brown dirt on the ground. Hueningkai is carefully guiding him with a hand on one shoulder, he had thought of just linking their arms but decides it's best to not do anything that might trigger the elder again.

Beomgyu is helping Yeonjun walk, the eldest refuses to be carried anymore and it's not like they're in immediate danger anyway. Jungkook trails behind them while keeping a close eye on Yeonjun, the senior idol is still very much worried for him and even more for all those around him. 

The camp is surrounded by barricades of chopped down trees and crumbled buildings, most tents are made from pieces of cloth and women and men alike are going back and forth, each having their own role. Most are in soldier uniforms, some perched on top of the barricades keeping watch while others standby at almost every corner. 

It is noticeable that a mini system of grouping was formed, those who go out to find scavenge and gather food supply, those who treat the injured, some preparing food and some are even tending small plots of lands used for planting simple vegetables.

Those poor soldiers who found them were definitely part of the scavenging team, Hueningkai shudders with guilt when he is reminded of the girl's face when a zombie launched itself onto her. People keep dying and it never gets easier to digest these deaths no matter how many times he's seen it.

They sit down crossed legged somewhere with a slice of bread and a bowl of what looks to be potato and cabbage soup. Beomgyu eyes the food in his palms but could not bring himself to eat, yesterday was so mentally draining he passed out as soon as they brought him to the tent which means he didn't get to process anything till today, and with Moas's voice ringing in his ears in tune with Taehyun's…..

The youngest Choi could only feel a threatening bile coming up his throat.

Hueningkai on the other hand shoves the bread in his mouth and munches slowly while keeping his slightly shaking hands steady to not spill the soup. He focuses on each movement, each feeling as the food crumbles in his mouth and swallows down his throat. He's desperate for anything that can keep his thoughts at bay, distract him so he doesn't have a panic attack at 6am and cause panic. 

Much like the rest he was woken up by yet another nightmare too vivid for his well-being, this one starred both doe eye boys with fluffy brown hair soaked in wet crimson with the addition of rotting skin clawing at his feet begging to be saved while he shot both of them on the forehead with a gun.

Beomgyu jolted up awake from beside him only moments after, the boy pants as his eyes crazily looked around for a certain hyung. The other two hyungs woke up eventually with beads of sweat on their faces, falling asleep may have been easier but they could never escape their nightmares.

Jungkook sits ever so silently with them, his mind could still picture the dead corpse of Moa laid and left behind, the small body was most likely trampled by the stampede of zombies. No matter how much he blinks his eyes, the horrific image stays in his head. 

"Are they….going to make us go back out there..?" Hueningkai asks out loud, Soobin stiffens and crushes the bread in his palms while Beomgyu pales "No they wouldn't...they can't…" he mumbles, aren't they supposed to come here because it's safe? So that they don't have to face those things anymore? 

Hueningkai gulps as he recalls seeing a group of people training with weapons and some even leaving the camp in small units. "I...we can't go out there again...p-please..no more…" Beomgyu whispers with a shaky breath. 

"No, I don't think so….you guys have seen and been through enough" Jungkook interferes, but it does not do much to calm a panicking Beomgyu. "Hey Gyu….shhh...it's okay….we're okay…. Nothing is gonna happen to us" Yeonjun pulls the blond boy into his embrace, guilty as he lies through his teeth so easily.

Jungkook looks away instantly, _'When are you going to tell them…..'_ he wonders with concern for them. 

Soobin remains silent, not saying a word or even showing that he's paying attention to the conversation. He's just mindless sitting there, drowned in the depths of his own mind. The weight of the crimson on his hands so heavy he's sure that he couldn't bring himself to lift it.

Their voices, helpless and pleading echoes in his head with intensity. 

_"Soobin hyung!!"_

Voices of two boys he failed to protect. 

"Hyung….did you even tried?" Soobin peels his gaze away from the bland soup and faces Taehyun who is crouching in front of him, but suddenly it was Moa "Hyungie...hyungie why?...you promised…" his smaller frame wearing the oversized clothes, eyes spiked with tears that reflect betrayal.

"You left me"

"You promised me"

Soobin drops the bowl, hands reaching out to Taehyun and Moa who are turning to leave. "No please….please don't go- NO! Wait-" But they kept walking, far away and disappearing into the crowd of humans. The leader chokes out a cry, his arms held back by a force that he is too shaken to recognize.

"-oobin hyung! Soobin hyung snap out of it!" A sting on his left cheek wakes him out of his delusion, the leader breathes heavily as he looks around to compute what just happened. Jungkook is holding him down with Hueningkai and there are several other random figures that he can't put a name to their face.

"He seemed unstable, they all are to be honest…"

"Aren't they an idol singer group? One of them died though…..Kangs' son wasn't it?"

"Poor kids, probably seen more than what they could handle…".

"Hyung are you there? Soobin hyung?" Hueningkai keeps on repeating, "Y-yeah...I'm here…" The little group breathes out in relief at the answer from the leader, the two helping him up to sit again. "Soobin….what-"

"I keep seeing them, they're always there…" the boy blurts out, "They're not real hyung….it's all in your head, they're not real…" Hueningkai exasperatedly reminds him. "I know I know! But...but..it's just….it _felt_ real….." Beomgyu nods along, having his own fair share of experience with hallucinations, he knows how Soobin feels.

"I see them too….sometimes….I get it hyung…" he mumbles, locking his eyes with Soobin as the words leave his lips. "Here drink.." Yeonjun hands Jungkook a cup of clean water that someone had kindly given to him for Soobin. The leader takes a few small sips, loathing himself for being so troublesome. 

"Yeah no, I can see right through you, stop it" Yeonjun nags at him, Soobin huffs at the remark but does not bite back. 

In the end, Hueningkai is assigned to the food prep team along with Beomgyu, Yeonjun despite his disabled state is placed in the med team while Jungkook is assigned to train the scavenging groups. Soobin was deemed too unstable to work so he wasn't placed anywhere, it pissed him off more than he'd like to show.

It irks him when he sees Hyuka and Gyu rushing back and forth or all over the camp to distribute food or how Yeonjun tends the injured soldiers who went out, he feels so useless, such a pathetic excuse of an existence.

He's doing nothing to help, he can't do anything to contribute because apparently they think he is too sick in the head for even a simple task as peeling potatoes.

Not that they're wrong, and he hates that even more.

Soobin would have Hueningkai, Beomgyu or even one of the Kangs fetch him when he would occasionally wander too far while 'reaching out' to his hallucinations. Why the fuck does he keep doing that despite knowing full well its not real is beyond him.

So yeah, Choi Soobin is just a useless shit as of that moment. 

When night comes and the moon lights the dark skies, the four of them would huddle up in one corner next to a small campfire and sleep together. Yeonjun and Soobin would lean on each other's shoulder while having the two younger boys use their lap as pillows. 

Soobin smiles fondly down on Hueningkai's sleeping face, it's a relief to know that most of them are sleeping better now with less terrorizing nightmares. His fingers tangle itself in the brown locks as gently as he could. Yeonjun nudges him, the leader is surprised that the elder is still awake.

The blue ends of his fringes almost covered his eyes but it does not hide the smile on his face, his own hands caressing Beomgyu's back, the boy's black roots now cover the crown of his head. "Whatcha thinking?" Soobin's lips thinned, sighing at the question.

"Us, how we're doing now…" It's crazy when he thinks about it, how they've been surviving out there on their own for so long. Five boys only wishing to stand on a stage and perform plunged into a broken mess that had them clinging to whatever that's left of themselves.

But the void left behind by their loss is just too big, too scarring. 

"If only….If only…." Soobin can't finish his words, his eyes burn with the desire to let out tears but none come. He can't cry for Taehyun forever can he? He cried so much and yet so little for him, for the little child that died due to his carelessness. 

Yeonjun sighs deeply, "You can't blame yourself forever…...it doesn't bring them back…..what happened….. happened…" Soobin shrugs, biting hard on his lips because Taehyun is right there, sitting next to the campfire crossed legged with his loopside smile and his gentle brown eyes staring at him.

He knows that's not Taehyun, not _his_ Taehyun but it's so hard, so hard to accept that very reality when he can pretend and believe _this_ Taehyun is real "Soobinnie hyung~ Are you not sleeping?" even the voice he hears sounds so real, warm and calm like the Taehyun he knows all too well.

So close that if he could just reach him-

Soobin is snapped back into reality when a hand cups his face harshly and pulls him to look their way, Yeonjun's eyes bore into his own with plead. Soobin's cheeks that used to be so soft and squishy are now rough and hollowed, it feels foreign to the touch and Yeonjun can just barely hide his shudder.

"Listen to me, please…." The sadness laced in those brown orbs is so familiar yet out of place, it makes Soobin want to try and remember how energetic and full of life they were whenever Yeonjun dances.

He tries to recall how that voice used to fill the room with positive energy, the way his own body courses with motivation at the eldest earnest shouts of encouragement. He tries so hard but to no avail, he can't. 

Soobin can't remember, too torn and broken to remember.

Yeonjun pulls them close, their foreheads touching intimately "Promise me…..promise me you'll do what you need to do when the time comes…..I don't care what….putting a bullet through someone's skull or get over these deaths….promise me you will do….what you need to do….regardless of anything…." Yeonjun is using all of his willpower to not burst into tears. 

_Promise me when I tell you to kill me, you will. No matter how afraid you are or how much you love me, when that time comes…...please…..let me die by the hands of the one I love._

He feels every part of him praying for Soobin to understand, to know what he means even though it's impossible, not without him telling the truth. "....well...I was...wondering when were you going….to tell me about…. that" or perhaps Yeonjun might have doubted his leader a little too much.

How could he forget about the one trait Soobin has that made him such an amazing leader to four growing boys, the one trait that was one of the main reasons he was chosen by them to be the leader. 

Soobin is observant, he takes even the smallest details into account which is why he used to read them so well and so easily like an open book. The books he had to read may have gotten harder to decipher now but it never stopped him from noticing, it didn't falter him from seeing the secrets written in between their blurry lines.

Soobin looks at him, his eyes glimmering with tears that refuse to fall despite the heaviness of the pain. His lips trembling as he forces out a smile, "I knew...always had….you….you really c-can't...can't hide things….from me…." Yeonjun's dam broke. He cries, fear stricken tears trickle down his cheeks as his trembling hands fall from Soobin's cheeks. 

The leader's heart sinks for a multitude of reasons, he lets out a shaky bated breath and closes his eyes. A lot of things are running through his head at the moment, some of the most prominent ones being how the fuck is he going to be able to do this, another is yeah he's losing another loved one to this fucking virus.

Taehyun's blood is so _heavy_ on his hands, the way each time he stares down at his pair of hands and only sees _red_ , Moa's death is another chunk of weight being placed into his palms but it's not as painful as Taehyun's. 

Moa's death was rushed and quick, there wasn't much he could process before he got lost in the hysteria and was sedated. 

Unlike the way Taehyun's eyes stare up at him, his quivering lips muttering his last words, the way Soobin can clearly tell the exact moment he passed. He got a front seat view of how the hole on the younger's forehead oozes out red thick crimson, the sound of Taehyun's body hitting the floor. 

Everything was too clear, too vivid when he had killed Taehyun.

Just as how it'll be when he would need to kill Yeonjun. 

How does he tell his hyung he _can't_ do it, he simply for the life of him _cannot_ do it. 

Soobin wants to tell Yeonjun he wouldn't be able to pull the trigger a second time with another person he loves on the other end, he would immediately drop the gun and lose his mind.

"I-I…..I can't…." He mutters, his eyelids shut tight as he gasps for air. "I'm...I-I... _c-can't_ hyung…" his voice merely whispers, Soobin is too weak. 

He just doesn't have what it takes to uphold what he was asked, he wants to give Yeonjun all the comfort in the world he could give, would give him all he has even if it's only his pathetic self. 

Soobin wants to give Yeonjun what he wants more than anything, but he can't, he's just isn't capable of doing it.

Yeonjun's lips thins, his tears aren't halting any time soon "Look at me" he tells the younger but Soobin isn't opening his sealed shut eyes. "Choi Soobin fucking look at me" the eldest manage to snarl out in between his sobs, sniffing as Soobin peels open his eyes to look at him.

Terrified, he looks terrified.

"I-I re-really can't-"

"Promise me"

"Hyung I c-can't…."

**_"Promise me Soobin"_ **

"If not for me then for Beomgyu and Hyuka, please…..I know it's a lot to ask and so disgustingly selfish of me but just once more….I beg you please….be my leader instead of my friend…..just one more …...promise me you'll do it…."

".....Okay…." Yeonjun grit his teeth and push down the immense guilt that's already eating him up. 

"Say it Choi Soobin, I want- _need_ to hear you say it '' he demands, hands clutching onto Soobin's collar desperately. Soobin's face tears up into that of despair, his hand shooting up to cover his mouth and muffle out his cries.

Soon, he removes his hand, trembling as his gaze is cast to the sleeping faces on their laps. The faces he sworn to protect so that they could have a chance at life again, the faces that he can slowly see repairing themselves again from the endless terror.

"I promise"

As soon as those words left his lips, he felt fingers tugging his chin to look up. Soft gentle lips met his, moving ever so gently and careful against him. Soobin lets Yeonjun lead, the eldest gingerly kissing him while keeping a firm hand on Soobin's jaw to hold his head in place.

Maybe it's because he was sensitive from one emotional turmoil after another but Soobin can feel a lot of emotions with each brush of Yeonjun's lips against his. And when he opens his eyes to lock gazes with the elder he can see the gratitude, relief and painful longing hiding behind those orbs that try to look strong for him.

Yeonjun just signed his death warrant and Soobin had promised to be his executor. 

When they part, Soobin notices the thin line of black halfway tracing up Yeonjun's neck, his breath hitching as he reaches to touch it. Yeonjun remains wordless, what more was there left for him to say? He keeps his lips shut when Soobin tugs the edge of his round neck collar to show a much visible texture of black spreading around his chest and collarbone. 

"Hyung….it looks...horrible…" he mumbles while still staring at the work of a deadly virus, but Yeonjun blankly looks at him. The elder watches without a word and it's scary, it's scaring and worrying the shit out of him. "Y-Yeonjun hyung?" 

Yeonjun blinks, face slowly morphing into panic. "What…? I...I can't hear you…." He stammers out, hands flying to fiddle his ears, eyes watery as his fingers scratch onto them fearfully. "Hyung? Yeonjun h-hyung?"

Yeonjun breathes out in relief when Soobin's worried tone reaches him, he still hasn't completely lost his hearing yet. "Oh god...Oh god….thank god...I...I…my hearing….it...oh god…" 

Soobin shifts himself so he can pull Yeonjun into an embrace, "Soobin I'm so scared...I'm so fucking scared…" Soobin hums and nods at each word, his world is collapsing again "I'm scared...I might not hear you ….or Kai or….Gyu....I...I…" but he has to stay strong, just once more.

_"No oh oh oh oh oh oh_

_No oh oh oh oh oh oh_

_Yeorigiman han nae eokkael_

_Gidaeeo swil suga itge_

_Swil su itge_

_(_ _No oh oh oh oh oh oh_

_No oh oh oh oh oh oh_

_My shoulder which is delicate_

_So that you can rest while leaning on it So that you can rest..._ _)"_

Soobin's soft voice fills the night air, the familiar lyrics of a song flows off his tongue. A song Beomgyu wrote and composed but didn't make the cut to be released in their first comeback that never got to happen, he can't pinpoint the title but he remembers the melody as if it was burned in his mind. 

Yeonjun's ragged breathing calms down as Soobin's voice lulls him, the way his sweet voice easily brings him peace. As long as he can hear Soobin's voice just like this, he'll hold on for just a little bit more. Soobin kept on singing, and he sang till he was out of breath but continued seconds later.

And Yeonjun clings onto his voice like his last lifeline.

If his singing can give Yeonjun a little more peace before his demise and keeps him by his side just a bit longer….he'll sing till his voice is gone.

_

Yeonjun grumbles while he tries not to trip, arms clinging onto Beomgyu while the younger helps him walk. "I can just carry you hyung…" he offers but Yeonjun shakes his head, he had enough people carrying him around just because he couldn't walk anymore.

Beomgyu is helping him back to the medic tent after lunch, Hueningkai had left to send foot to the soldiers on standby.

Soobin trails behind them, thoughts drifting to the events of two nights ago. Jungkook had gotten Yeonjun a piece of cloth as a makeshift scarf to hide the growing black veins up his neck, Soobin sighs knowing it won't be long.

Yeonjun's mind drifts as the many people walk past him, it was weird at first when he arrived. In the past months of running he got used to the way everything around him is just empty deserted places. Now he wakes up each day and sees faces of people at every corner that aren't rotting flesh.

Figures after figures walk past him, the haze of pain slowly crawling up his body has Yeonjun grunting while the world around him slowly vanishes. 

"Hyung? You okay?" 

That is when Yeonjun realizes what really was going on with him. He suddenly tug Beomgyu harshly and shoves him away, the younger boy yells as his body hits the floor. Yeonjun collapses down without the support, hands digging into the ground when the pain grows tenfold in seconds.

"Hyung?! Yeonjun hyung!!" Beomgyu screams, he's immediately back onto his feet and scrambles to the eldest side. Soobin freezes in his steps, eyes locked on Yeonjun who is now writhing on the floor clutching onto whatever he's left of him.

"HE'S TURNING!! HE'S INFECTED!!" 

A random lady shouts and it's all chaos from there, everyone around starts to panic and run. Beomgyu throws himself next to the eldest, "Wh-what are you...Gyu RUN!!" Yeonjun shouts at the boy frantically. 

"NO!! I'm not leaving you!!" Beomgyu clutches onto his arm, "I'm not losing someone else!!"

Soobin stands still, not faltered in shock as many people swoosh past him and occasionally hit or push him to move but he remains stoned. Yeonjun pries his eyes to dart around, searching in the midst of chaos for a certain tall leader. 

Their gazes lock on each other, Soobin shudders as Yeonjun looks at him pleadingly while he is unable to take even a step from his spot. "Do it hyung" the voice of his bandmate calls him, he sees Taehyun walking towards him, eyes looming with sadness.

"Do it for him….like how you did it for me" he continues, nodding at Soobin encouragingly. Soobin blinks his eyes, washing the hallucination away from his vision. Armed soldiers rushing forward with their guns aimed at the boy on the floor, they formed a circle around him. 

Jungkook rushes to the front with Hueningkai hot on his tail, "Wait!! DON'T SHOOT!!" He yells on top of his lungs. Hueningkai chokes out a sob when he sees Yeonjun, his movement pausing in track while his hands fly to his mouth. A scream stuck in his throat, unable to voice out by the eerily familiar scene.

"GET AWAY!! HE'S INFECTED! WE NEED TO KILL HIM BEFORE HE TURNS!!" Many start to chant, cursing and shouting at the world known idol to move. Beomgyu feels anger flaring up at the uproar, "NO HE ISN'T!! HE'S INNOCENT YOU CAN'T KILL HIM!!" he snarls back and Yeonjun wants nothing more than for him to just shut up.

His energy is depleting fast and he can feel the deadly virus winning, "I WANT CHOI SOOBIN!!" He mustered up all his strength to shout out, his loud voice causing everyone to silence and listen.

The yell brings the supposed leader back to his senses, now he can see eyes looking at him. It's hard not to know the tall kid who lost his mind to grief when you stayed there long enough. Soobin gulps as he is pushed to the center as well, each step heavy with dread.

"I WANT HIM TO SHOOT ME AND NO ONE ELSE!!" He rasps out one more breath, it feels like his throat is being clogged. Hueningkai falls on his knees, hands trembling as he hears the words echo around the silenced camp.

Soobin can't hide anymore when a gun is shoved into his hands, his legs and hands shaking while salty tears drip down his face. Jungkook stares at Yeonjun awestruck, not knowing what to say but he does know it's not his place to step in.

"NO YOU CAN'T!!" Beomgyu shields Yeonjun, his glare now directed at Soobin. "YOU CAN'T KILL HYUNG!! YOU CAN'T!!" Soobin looks down at the gun, it's easy, all he has to do is aim and pull the trigger. 

But _"I...I love you hyung"_ he can't, he shouldn't have made promises that he can't keep. Soobin tears up his gaze to face them, his red rimmed eyes with his head shaking wildly. Yeonjun's pain stricken face morphs into horror 

_'No you promised…'_

Hueningkai pulls himself together, he has to do something, anything before it's too late. He drags himself back up to his feet and sprints, "Hyung enough!! There's….there's nothing we can do!" he reasons and grabs Beomgyu by his arm, the other male screams and thrashes at him to let go

"LET ME GO HUENINGKAI!! THEY CAN'T KILL YEONJUN HYUNG!! I WON'T LET THEM!!" Yeonjun slams his head down as the searing pain becomes more and more unbearable, his body minutes if not seconds away from giving away.

"SOOBIN YOU HAVE TO DO IT NOW!!" Jungkook exclaims, his heart is beating with anxiety. The senior idol runs up to his side, grabs his shoulders and shakes him, the taller boy is still shaking his head furiously.

"Soobin listen to me! You do this now….or….or I will!" 

"LET ME GO DAMMIT!!" 

"HUENINGKAI!!"

**_*BANG*_ **

Everything moves too slow and too fast, Soobin drops the gun he was holding and falls on his knees while Jungkook's figure breaks into a run in the direction he just shot the bullet. Messy red splatters on the floor, random people running forward to the two bodies laid on the ground, it was too much. 

Beomgyu sits in the middle of the two unmoving corpses, eyes wide and watery as he screams out with anguish. He didn't mean to do it, he wasn't thinking straight, he wasn't thinking _at all._

If only….If only Beomgyu actually used his mind to think, he wouldn't have done what he did. 

He wouldn't have sunk that dagger into Hyuka's neck.

While in his frantic to pull away he had mindlessly pulled out the dagger he had kept on himself out of safety measures and plunged it into his opposer without a second thought. Keeping Yeonjun safe was all he had in his mind that he only registered _who_ he had stabbed seconds later.

In that split second of waking up from his Yeonjun dazed haze, he sees Hueningkai horror-struck face with his eyes wide in shock. The dagger with his hand on the handle buried hilt deep into Hyuka's neck, his hand already stained red with his maknae's crimson that is oozing out from the stab. 

Time seemed to slow down when the grip on Beomgyu's arm loosen while Kai's lifeless body swayed and fell, all the while his lifeless eyes bore into Beongyu's, the words "Hyung" never got to leave his lips. But what happened next was too fast, yet somehow he can see everything happening so clearly.

A shout, a bullet being shot, someone pushing him. 

Soobin saw what he did, or rather, what happened to Hyuka. He looked up to see if Yeonjun had turned but something in him snapped when the sight of Hueningkai getting stabbed met him instead. A sudden adrenaline rush shoots up his body much like the time he saw Moa being held at gunpoint.

Soobin too, did not get to process any further thoughts, raised the gun and pulled the trigger while his voice rips the atmosphere crying out Hueningkai's name. He didn't see Beomgyu on the other side of the gun, he only saw red. 

But Yeonjun saw what he was going to do, his heart bleeding along when Hueningkai was murdered by the hands of his own bandmate but he saw Soobin, he saw the gun flying up into position, locking down on Beomgyu. 

He had a few more seconds at least, pushing down the burning pain he was feeling ripping through his being, he pushed himself up and jumped. He managed to send Beomgyu tumbling forward, the surging pain now too unbearable but just a split second before the virus wins….

Beomgyu is fast enough to tilt his head back and see the bullet pass through Yeonjun's skull while the eldest wore a small sad smile, his mouth formed two last words just for his fellow bandmate that he wronged so much in these critical times. 

_"I'm sorry"_

Yeonjun's body fell on top of him, the messy faded blue hair unmoving on his lap. His pants quickly stained with red crimson that dripped from the bullet hole. Beomgyu looks down at his bloody hands, Hyuka's blood mixed with Yeonjun's. 

_'What have I done….WHAT HAVE I DONE?!??'_ The words echo in his head as his screams terrorize the silence. Soobin wildly shakes his head, his sobs muffled with both hands covering his mouth. He killed Yeonjun, he aimed the gun at Beomgyu, he's a monster.

The jab in his heart bleeds even more when his eyes landed on the scene, men and women dragging away his precious bandmates' lifeless bodies. Hueningkai's face is smeared with mud when they drag him by his leg, dirt mixing into his long hair while that damned dagger is still sticking out of his neck.

Yeonjun is dragged by his hair, and just because….just because he's dead it doesn't mean they can just _treat them_ like that. Jungkook pulls Beomgyu away from the scene, the boy kicking and screaming incoherent words. He was trashing too much that Jungkook's brother had to step in and help.

"These kids...how awful it must be…"

"They survived so long out there too…"

"Poor child….he'll never recover from that.."

Soobin in his devastated and torn state feels anger bubbling at what is happening, the whispers and voices of random people around him. And especially at the ones handling his brothers' unmoving bodies "WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?!!" He yells with all his breath, an accusing finger pointing at the men who are dragging his brother's body carelessly. 

The leader is ready to leap at those fuckers, they've been through hell and back, they don't deserve this, his precious Ningning and Yeonjun _doesn't deserve this_. But a pair of stronger arms held him back, "Soobin!! Soobin shii please stay calm-" 

Soobin struggles against the strong hold on him, the tears never seem to stop dripping even as his mind burns with rage and despair. "LET GO OF ME!! DON'T TOUCH THEM!!" he sinks his nails into the flesh of the arm holding him, digging deep to cause a sting so his handler would loosen the firm grip and he can break free.

"SEDATE HIM!!" 

He hears a cry seconds after and writhes even more, one hand manages to come loose and Soobin with all his might reaches out for the two bodies being dragged away. Desperate and shaking he screams and yells, why are they so far? 

They were _right there_ , when did they become so out of reach?

Soobin in his hysterics did not register to sting on his side, the drug slowly taking over his system and forcing the consciousness out of him. The forceful thrashing weakens as his fight gives away and is taken over by the drowsiness, his eyes drooping and struggles to stay open with each passing second, hsi outstretched arm lowering as the energy is seeped out of him.

_*Blinks*_

He sees Taehyun, lips curve but the sad glint is evident in his eyes.

 _*Blinks*_

He sees his two maknaes together, hands intertwined and Hueningkai is smiling so brightly, a sight he hadn't seen in a long while.

 _*Blinks*_

He sees Yeonjun next to Taehyun now, the elder making Taehyun stand in between Hueningkai and himself. The apologetic look he wears feels directed at him somehow.

_*Blinks*_

He now sees Moa standing in front of them, a huge grin on his face while all of them together making the gesture to call him over.

_*Blinks*_

He sees pitch black

_

Soobin wakes up with a headache, a painfully annoying one that's buzzing in his head. The leader can feel his whole body trembling in cold sweat, his memory did jot give him a warning before flooding into his mind like intruders. 

Make that a headache and nausea.

Despite being perfectly sure he hadn't had anything solid for the past few hours, Soobin could still feel a bile crawling up his throat from the sick sensation in his stomach. The male all but claws his nails into the skin of his arms harshly till the slightly tan layer is angry red and at the edge of being ripped open.

The sting shoots up his arms in seconds and Soobin can feel his lungs failing on him yet again. The boy throws the arm over his head to cover his eyes, the weight of reality still very much is crushing him

That wasn't a dream, everything from Hueningkai being stabbed to Yeonjun's body collapsing on top of Beomgyu. All of it was real. 

He killed yet another bandmate of his and Hueningkai got dragged along in the process.

Soobin trembles as the vivid imagery of yet another proof of how he failed as a hyung and leader conquers his thoughts. A cruel mental reminder of the weight of red on his hands is now tripled. 

"Hey....." A voice greets him in his inner crisis, Soobin can feel a presence next to him and he already can tell who it is by the voice. Soobin peels off his arms to meet Jungkook's gaze on him, sniffling in his tears while trying to keep a strong face for the once leader of four.

"H-hyung…." Soobin whimpers with his trembling lips, he's had enough. Jungkook sighs out his own shaky breath and kneels down next to Soobin, he helps the boy sit up from the sleeping position.

The senior idol is clueless on how to help his slightly shaking junior who can't even take two sips of water without looking like he's going to throw up. He wasn't equipped with the skills or the experience to deal with traumatized young adults when he is barely an adult himself.

So the elder sits quietly next to the boy, accompanying Soobin in silence till the boy is calmed down, as calm as he could get in such a state that is. The tall boy, hair messy and out of place with red swollen eyes, nose sniffling while hugging himself tight to make himself smaller. Jungkook wants to say he understands him, he knows how Soobin must be feeling. 

But in a sickly twisted way, Jungkook really _doesn’t know_ does he? His hyungs were ripped away in a blink of an eye, quick and fast like ripping a bandaid off. In a sense, it sounds far more merciful than what this young boy, barely an adult, has to go through. For Soobin, life had dangled the fate and lives of his precious members right in front of his eyes, almost toying with him as it let Soobin watch each death, two of which were by his own hands.

One would say life crafted this nightmare solely to torture the hell out of him for the fun of it, breaking his sanity by taking away one precious life he cared for at a time. 

How can he tell Soobin he understands it when he has no idea? So Jungkook calculatingly places an arm around the boy, Soobin didn’t even flinch nor react. The once leader of five, dares to not even look up to his senior. Too tired, too broken to even respond. 

Jungkook takes a shaky breath and formulates a sentence “Hey, I’m here...hyung is here” . Can Soobin even hear him? The boy isn’t saying a word, only hugging himself tighter defensively. “I’m here...I got you” Jungkook mutters again, and he really hopes Soobin can hear how much he means it. 

Soobin pokes him up, the emptiness can be seen through the irises of his eyes that one would think he was one of the undead corpse with the exception that there’s no hunger or aggressiveness in his eyes. For there is quite literally nothing at all in those dark brown orbs, whatever small glint of life, humanity, gone without a trace.

Soobin lets his lean to the side, gaze cast down to the puddle next to him, the muddy floor indicates that it must have rained hours prior. His hands now on the ground, covered in brown mud but Soobin only sees red, disgusting sticky red and even in the coldness of it all. His hand feels burned.

The puddle shows a blurry image of his reflection, but that’s not Choi Soobin isn’t it? The boy in the puddle water, he is a murderer and his kind mother who he believes is a godsend angel from above did not raise a disgusting sick murderer. He wishes to push away the arms of his senior, Jungkook shouldn’t be touching a filthy human like him.

Suddenly, he saw it, perhaps he stared too long and started to hallucinate.

Soobin blinks, and blinks again. And when he still saw it, he almost started laughing. In fact he wants to laugh, gag and maybe scream out loud so badly. Why is it that he feels so relieved? The prospect of him dying entertained him so much he could cry out of joy for once.

Small thin black ink, the ones that he saw growing like veins on Taehyun’s arms, the same kind that grew up Yeonjun’s neck. The visual in the muddy rain water is blurry but he could still see it, just on the corners of his lips, it’s growing at a weirdly passive rate but it’s definitely there.

And he’s definitely dying.

Soobin thought of how he could’ve gotten infected, and the result of his unstable state of mind he came down to one conclusion. It’s growing from his lips, his lips that Yeonjun had kissed. So mouth to mouth contact can also transmit the virus, what a brilliant time and way to find that out isn’t it?

But if he dies, what would be of Beomgyu? Soobin is dawned with the thought the little boy would be left all alone…...or not….not if he can help it.

Soobin shifts his body so that he can return Jungkook’s patient embrace, wrapping his long limbs around the smaller hyung. “Thanks hyung” he mumbles out a whisper, a hidden small smile on his face. Jungkook breathes out a huge puff of breath, relief washing over his body once he hears the boy talking again. 

“Of course, you’ll always have me” Jungkook assures him.

Soobin grins at those words, his face darkening as he does. After a few more minutes of Jungkook trying to comfort him, the older left to return to his duties with a promise he’ll return with food for supper. The senior idol however is completely unaware of one thing.

The gun in his jacket pocket was missing. 

_

Soobin chuckles darkly, his hands in a slight tremor while the small gun is securely wrapped in his palms. The leader stands up to his feet and pockets the gun, still his foot is glued to the ground, unable to move with the heavy hesitance he's harboring.

His plan is crazy, although fucked up would be a much appropriate term for what he's about to do, the things he's about to commit. It would’ve earned him a spot in hell for sure, but even hell sounds a lot more pleasant than here within the living so he wouldn't really complain. Truthfully a small and still sane part of him is yelling, is this really the better way? 

Should he really do this? 

All things considered, there's not much he has left to lose- _No,_ there's _nothing_ left for him to lose other than his crippling sanity that is. What does this broken world have to offer an unfixable soul like him and his little family of misfits?

Nothing, which is why he came to this conclusion.

 _'You did it twice.... what's one more?'_ he told himself, braving his body to take one step after another, each footstep is as heavy as it could be. Soobin finds himself stepping into a small tent, one that they specifically put up for Beomgyu.

Mrs Kang is trying to feed him some soup which of course the boy isn't even responding to. Beomgyu stares ahead blankly with shades of horror on his face in a catanic state, his back leaning against a piece of concrete. Not budging or even blinking to his surroundings, too lost in his grief to function properly anymore.

Hadn’t been ever since he killed Hueningkai.

The kind woman smiles at the sight of him, "Feeling better Soobin..? Could you perhaps try to feed Beomie here?" Her voice sheepish and hesitant as she talks, but the obvious worry is still very clear. The sickly thin and traumatised one is going malnourished and she thinks maybe the leader can tug out a reaction out of the boy. Soobin returns her smile with his own, nodding his head politely and takes the bowl of bland soup into his palms.

The leader kneels down to sit next to his only remaining dongseng, the boy still in his daze and unaware of his hyung's presence. "Beomie..." Soobin manages to call out, his own voice breathy and timid wondering if Beomgyu hates him now, he would, he _should._

He had aimed the gun right at the younger and if it weren't for Yeonjun jumping in, Beomgyu wouldn't be sitting here now with his heart still beating, Yeonjun would've turned and got shot by the other soldiers on standby while Hueningkai would still be dead. 

Soobin would've been left alone if it weren't for Yeonjun. Not that it matters when he myself is dying too.

They were all dying at some point weren’t they? 

Yet at the sound of his leader's voice, the boy snaps his head up to meet Soobin's gaze. Those blank emotionless eyes slowly breaking down into glassy guilt glazed orbs, "H-hyung.....hyung I....I'm a m-monster...." Beomgyu gasps out, the way his voice cracks with pure misery has Soobin's breath caught in his throat.

_"Geureol ttaen, nunmuri nal ttaen_

_nae soneul kkwak jaba, domanggalkka?_

_(In those times, when tears come, hold my hand tight, shall we run away?)"_

Beomgyu is blaming himself for what had happened.

Mrs Kang looks shocked to see the boy interacting but nods her head at Soobin knowingly before leaving the tent to give the two traumatized boys some privacy. Beomgyu pulls his legs up to hug them, his face now buried into his knees.

"I'm s-sorry hyung....I'm sorry K-Kai..." He whispers, Soobin wants to do nothing more than to throw his arms around the boy and gives him a warm assuring hug. But he's got something even better than that, "Gyu....hey c'mere" he can give Beomgyu peace.

He effortlessly pulls Beomgyu onto his lap, the frail boy curling up to him in his embrace and rests his head into the crook of his hyung's neck in an attempt to find comfort. Soobin can still feel wet droplets dripping on his exposed skin, Beomgyu's silent tears keep on falling with his hands fisting Soobin's shirt.

_"Sumgyeojin guwa sabune samen_

_hamkkeyeoya gal su isseo_

_(In the hidden platform of 9 and ¾,_

_We can only get through if we’re together)"_

Soobin begins to hum a familiar melody he remembered that he never got to record, a song they would've sung on stage together as five and maybe win a few music shows with it had this nightmare never happened. What was it called again? 9¾ ?

Soobin loops one arm around the boy in his embrace and his hands rest on Beomgyu's head, fingers gently running through his black roots hair with blond tips, soothing the boy as much as he could. 

"Soobin hyung...." Soobin hums at the call, waiting for the boy to reply "I...want them back..." he pleads with despair, Beomgyu's voice cracking by the last syllable. Soobin hums along and smiles "Okay" _you’re going to be okay_

_"Bibidi babidi yeolchaga chulbalhane_

_bibidi babidi uriye maejik aillaendeu_

_(Bibbity boppity, the train is about to depart, Bibbity boppity, to our magic island)"_

The leader's other hand already dipped into his pocket, he pulls out the small weapon and with a slight tremble, he brushes away the blond tips of hair to rest the end of the gun on Beomgyu's forehead. “It’ll be okay very soon”

The boy in his arms freezing up at the coldness of the metal against his skin, instantly aware of what is happening. Strangely he couldn't find the will or strength to pull away or break free, Soobin isn't holding him in place or trapping him yet the boy waits for the invitetable. 

Beomgyu can't help but huff out a breath with a defeated grin, this moment was long overdue as he really feels that he should've been dead months ago. Suddenly the thought of dying a quick death by the hands of his leader sounds like the perfect happy ending for him. 

Okay maybe not happy per se, just an ending. 

Which is something he craves nonetheless.

He hears the sound of the gun clicking, a gentle attentive finger goes to wipe away the last of his tears. Soobin's hold on him did not feel even the slightest bit threatening, but Soobin's huge and warm embrace has always been a comfort zone for them all. A safe haven the five of them had called theirs.

Maybe that's why even in the moments before his end, even as the deadly weapon is ready to take his life and even if the very person to do it was the person he respects, admired and looked up to…... Beomgyu's does not feel any sense of betrayal.

Even in a situation like this, he trusts his leader despite the fact that the said leader is about to take his life that he had trusted him with, if anything, in that moment, after so long he finally felt _the safest._

Beomgyu in his unstable breathy small pants feels Soobin's lips pressed into the side of his head, the way he was cradled ever so preciously by the older works in favor to sooth him and calm him down. 

"Shh....hyung got you....I'll be right behind you okay Beomie? I'll be with you...all of you really soon...." his calming voice lulls, Beomgyu presses his eyes shut, shaking off whatever last bit of fear of death that's left in him and welcomes his fate.

_"I teoneoreul jinamyeon nuneul tteugo namyeon_

_kkumsogeun hyeonshiri dwae_

_(After this tunnel, after we open our eyes_

_Our dreams will become reality)"_

He trusts Soobin.

"Boys I heard from Jungkook-"

"Wait for me Beomie"

***BANG***

A scream pierce through the silent night after the gunshot, Mrs Kang stumbles out of the tent yelling frantically for help in hysteria of what she just saw. Soobin sat there unmoving for a moment, his face splattered with crimson that isn't his and his hands are yet again stained with fresh blood. 

He sat there, motionless and void of emotions on his face. Another person he loves and swears to protect now no longer has a pulse, the crimson staining his hands with a reminder.

_'It'll be fine…...just...a little more…'_

The body in his embrace goes limp in seconds but Soobin keeps a firm grip on it, the dark black roots and faded blond dye now has an additionally sticky red substance coating it, Beomgyu's lifeless orbs no longer have any trace of life.

Soobin gives the body one last squeeze, the coldness of the skin nearly has him shuddering but he reminds himself that he doesn't have much time, he has to be fast. Afterall, they’re waiting for him.

_"Nae yeongwonhi dwaejwo nae ireum bulleojwo_

_(Be my forever, call my name)_

_Run away, run away, run away with me"_

Laying Beomgyu down on the floor with much care, Soobin respectfully covers the corpse with the makeshift blanket made of a piece of worn out cloth with his trembling hands. He rises up to his feet which is just in time when Jungkook and his brother storm into the tent along with the Kangs in panic.

The senior idol flinches in horror when he sees the covered body and the bloody state Soobin is in, his own heart racing when his eyes lands on the gun that's supposed to be his in Soobin's palms. The gun he hadn’t noticed was not with him until that very second.

Jungkook takes a few hasty steps near him but is startled when Soobin throws his head back and starts laughing out loud maniacally. The action eerily invites more tense into the cramped space. The tall male turning around to face his little audience, a smile too wide and crazed on his face.

"We were...such...a pathetic bunch weren't we?" He narrates out loud, Jungkook holds up his hand, worried is an understatement and if that gun isn't taken away any moment now he is going to freak out. Soobin takes a few calculating steps back, he wasn't planning on coming out of this alive.

Not when four boys are waiting for him somewhere far from there.

His deranged eyes narrowing on the few in front of him, "Soobin hey please....please Soobin don't do this...please you have so much more to live for......please....give me the gun Soobin….." Jungkook tries to talk some senses into him, hand holding out and praying for the younger boy to take it.

"Please Soobin..... don't do this...... don't do this to _me_ " he pleads, begging with all his might. The other Jeon is already anxious with thoughts of the possibility of his younger brother getting hurt, a hand going to grip onto Jungkook, not letting the boy get any closer than he already has.

Because they can all see it, the dark growing black veins on his cheeks, all too petrified to say a word but what can they do? Soobin is turning, he has to die either way. 

All Jungkook receives from the young idol is a smile, one that is apologetic and sad. The gun now barrell to the side of his head just right above his left ear, "I'll tell them how much you miss them hyung" he says, and Jungkook can feel his own tears threatening to fall from fear and the reminder of his losses.

"No….no...please.."

The Kangs and the elder Jeon watch wordlessly, their own foot planted onto the ground unsure of how to be an assistance to the situation, Jungkook is now tugging on his brother's firm grip, but the elder wouldn't let go.

"Don't go....please...." Jungkook is nearly there, just one more step and he'll be close enough to snatch the gun, he did not care if Soobin is turning into the undead.

He can't lose _all_ of them, he can't...

But just like the many he failed to save before, even these boys he had sworn to protect had slipped through his fingers.

Soobin closes his eyes and breathes out his last breath, a last smile on his face "We….. .will always be together" 

"NO-!"

***BANG***

A second, he was a split second too late.

Jungkook drops to the floor in a sobbing mess, he can feel the splatter of red on his face, the one belonging to the body that dropped to the floor with a loud thud. 

Soobin's body twitches with a threat that the turning process might have already fully happend but a few burst of gunshot later everything stilled. Two dead bodies, laid on the floor in their own pool of red.

Yet both wore the most peaceful smiles as they sleep, fated to never wake up again.

_"Ssangui kkeuteseo Forever together_

_(Even at world's end Forever together)_

_Run away babe_

_naege daedap haejwo_

_(Give me an answer)"_

And the five boys who dreamed of the same dream found each other once more, together and this time, will stay that way forever.

THE END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was a long trip!! Thank you for staying till the end!! Hope u enjoyed our story!!  
> \- @TyunnieBFF/Aira_Loves_Herself
> 
> This story started of me made short 8 pages of comic when Taehyun were bitten and died by the hand of Soobin. Tbh, I'm not good at writing words by words and i usually expressed the story by visuals only. I'm glad i've found TyunnieBFF who's willing to collab and share this stories with me. It's been a long ride since February when the story began! Thank you for reading!  
> \- @TAEBINIEST

**Author's Note:**

> The [comic](https://twitter.com/TAEBINIEST/status/1224224006930198528?s=20)
> 
> And follow me on [twt](https://twitter.com/TyunnieBFF) too if you want~~


End file.
